


Love is a form of Art

by CocoaLou



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Happy Ending, Harry Styles - Freeform, Hate to Love, Louis Tomlinson - Freeform, Love, M/M, larry - Freeform, one direction - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-04
Updated: 2018-03-05
Packaged: 2018-12-14 16:14:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 51,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11786772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CocoaLou/pseuds/CocoaLou
Summary: It’s been six years since Louis and Harry were physically torn apart.They’ve despised each other from that day onwards, never facing up to it until life throws them together unexpectedly. Now Louis is an artist, about to open his own gallery in London, Harry has a design job and does photography on the side. They accidentally organise a meeting and it not only dredges up old feelings, but a past they never wanted to explore.It uproots everything they’ve established, whilst laying the path for a future neither saw coming.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoy and if you have any ideas or requests I’m open to them so leave a comment!  
> Thanks for reading, this is currently very much a work in progress, I'm adding updating and changing things quite a lot but am trying to be consistent. Thanks for putting up with it :)  
> -C

The cold London wind nipped at Louis’ exposed ears as he made his way down the street from his apartment towards the coffee shop. 

He huffed in distaste at the weather, rapidly weaving through the morning London crowd and coming to a stop in front of the familiar deep brown door. 

 _It’s meant to be sunny._ Stepping into the comforting warmth and smell of the building, he shivered in relief with the bell that rang out softly overhead, it clicked with a sigh as the door swung shut. Taking in his surroundings, Louis began to wake properly as the shop was brought to life with the mornings many customers. 

Worn patchwork sofa booths lined the sides of the building - each with their own dark oak table, not strangers to the odd dent or scratch. Small, padded seats in pairs accompanied by soft glass tables peered through the large front windows, ideal to watch the world go round. The rectangle bar was center show and accessible with one side informally designated for fast orders and one for more thoughtful choices. The back of the shop was gently lit, and desk type tables with comfortable chairs made it the perfect place to work in peace. Soft music danced elegantly over the furniture, easy to listen to but not overpowering. Footsteps, music, light chatter and the crank of the machines drifted in the air, and the smell of coffee, tea, and hot chocolate filled the atmosphere. 

Louis absolutely loved it, but he didn’t have time to properly appreciate it as he rushed his one shot latte order and hurried to mix one and a half too many sugars in. Begrudgingly, he stepped out into the chill again he struggled not to spill the steaming drink in the madness of the moving crowd. 

Maneuvering rapidly down the path he let out a breath as he reached the door of his new shop to be. The building was a little bare outside but that was soon to change. Two large windows outside showed a spacious room with an oval end, a small door there leads to a short staircase, that in turn, led to an office that overlooked the peacefully chaotic street below. Soon he imagined this empty building would be home to his artwork, windows full of art, the inside an adventure through unique pieces, the smell of paint welcoming.

Oh was he excited, scared a little, but excited. He was going to have his own shop! Full of his own work! People would visit to see his pieces! His own artwork, his creativity, and thoughts splashed out on paper, his interpretations of the world around him, his boredom and excitement, his experiences and stories. It was going to be amazing. 

Currently, though, he needed to finish painting the inner walls - and to do that he needed some help. 

As if on cue, Liam made his entrance with a stumble, eventually tumbling through the doorway and narrowly missing Louis. 

“Alright mate,”

”Louis!”  He exclaimed. 

“Let’s finish the painting today eh?” 

“Look, have I ever let you down?” Asked Liam as he steadied himself.

“Hmm let me think. Well, there was that time in Wales, and when we went to Eva’s party and also-“

”Yeah whatever, let’s get going!” Louis was cut off by a sheepish voice.  

They set about finishing the walls in a warm tinted cream paint and even got round to setting up the service desk at the back and showboards for the artwork to be placed in the center of the room. 

By early afternoon they were exhausted, starving and aching. Louis was so focused on the subtle light grey accented baseboard he didn’t notice Liam looking on quietly or when he came to a rest on the carpeted stairs. He peered through the door at his friend delicately finishing the edges and, involuntarily sighed. 

Louis whipped his head round to study him perching on the small steps. 

“Mhm?” 

“Mate, I don’t know about you but if we don’t go get some food we won’t make it to the opening 

“Hey, thank you so much for everything you have done today, I've only got a little I want to finish now, why don’t you head to the pub and get some food and I’ll join you when I’ve finished up here? On me.” 

“Are you sure, I don’t like just leaving you?” The concern echoed in Liam’s voice. 

“Yeah course! I won’t be long, any way you deserve it - what would I ever do without your help?”

With a thankful goodbye, Louis sent him to the pub and commenced finishing his accents. 

* * *

Standing up he looked around him, a grin spread across his face as he took it in, pride lighting up his features. He had done this himself, planned it all. In fact, Louis was the only one who had caused him to be able to do this, he had had support from others, but at the end of the day, it was all him. This was Louis'.

Weaving through the empty exhibition boards to make his way up and into the office, Louis went to grab the only piece of his that he had here at the moment. It was a rather boring sketch in Louis' eyes, he had finished it here when he was first getting the place set up. He only had a few coloured pencils and his travelling graphite ones. Looking out of the window he held it up in comparison, the shapes on the page resembled the buildings outside, except it was raining now and the image showed a brighter day. A tall woman in a large hat moving gracefully down the street and a man changing his closed sign to open as the sun's early rays reflected off the windows. It made him smile, he would see this most mornings, when he himself opened for the day. 

Taking it downstairs he grabbed a small brush and dipped it into a pot of navy paint Liam had accidentally grabbed, in flowing letters Louis formed the word  _'Open'_ over the sketch. Laying it down to dry on the serving counter he exchanged it for his jacket and headed out into the world to meet Liam.


	2. Chapter 2

“Harry!”

His boss’s voice echoed up the hallway as made his way down. 

“I have news!” A bright voice stated as he came face to face with Joyce. 

Raising an eyebrow in question he prompted her to continue. Instead, she swiftly turned and strode towards the kitchen, long, dark hair swinging softly above her hips with each powerful stride.

Following in anticipation he came to lean on the plastic doorframe of the small room.

Keeping him waiting, she boiled the kettle and made them two cups of tea.

“What’s up?” Harry pressed, 

Joyce grinned, passing him a mug. 

“Ok, so you remember last year when I went to the art exhibition with a client? Well, she was rather fond of an artist I hadn’t heard of before, he’s supposedly up and coming and all that. Well we looked at his work and honestly, I was blown away, I almost bought a piece myself. There’s something in his art that connects with you, emotionally? I don’t want to sound cliché but you get me.”

”He sounds wonderful, but, how does this relate to me?”

”Impatient sod aren’t you? Well, he’s opening a shop a few streets down from us and honestly I think he would showcase some of your work at the opening, even permanently!” 

“I know you’re an extreme optimist but do you really think a professional artist would showcase my photos at his shop?”

”Harry, you really don’t give yourself enough credit, I know he would - please at least speak to him?” 

Looking away in thought Harry pondered the task, it was an amazing opportunity but if it didn’t work out he’d be discouraged, he would be silly not to try though..

“Go on then,” he agreed rather apprehensively. 

“Yes! Oh, Harry, I’m so excited for you! Ok, I’ll forward you his email after work.” Joyce enthused dramatically. 

“Now, back to it!” She had re-entered boss mode.

 

By the time the working day had ended Harry was a bundle of nerves waiting to receive the email address, this could be his opening into the professional world. It had been going round in his mind all day, each possible email exchange, each way for a real-life conversation to go and every possible way it could end, he even went as far to imagine the shop and his photos in a window, people asking after him, a business email flooded with requ-

“Harry?” Joyce’s voice snapped him out of his daydream. 

“Mhm,” he sleepily questioned,

”Its twenty to 6, you can go?”

Dazily taking in the time Harry began to pack up. Just as he was about to leave, his boss jumped around the corner and stopped him,

”I’ve just sent you his email. Good luck, and don’t put it off!” 

They exchanged goodbyes and Harry began his journey home, rapidly heading to the station to catch the last fast train for an hour. He made it in the nick of time and silently celebrated - he loved the tube. 

After 3 stops he pushed his way through the packed carriage and stepped out onto the platform. As it was a short walk home he took his time weaving through the crowd of people on every staircase, escalator and in every hallway. When he reached the surface the patter of rushed footsteps faded into the loud harmony of city life. Vehicle engines provided a base, with horns and sirens layering on top, constant chatter of commuters and the clanging of construction work all wound together around the thrum of movement. Harry took a moment to wonder what life in the country would be like, away from the busy London world. He had so many design ideas for a large home in a quieter, community-driven rural location. He could explore and photograph nature and wildlife, even families and community life, children adventuring and small business owners thriving. That idea appealed to him deeply, but it was just a future dream. Anyway, Harry didn’t dislike life in London, he loved it and had made it home.

As he arrived and let himself into his apartment, he proceeded to flop onto the sofa with a sigh, his long limbs sending photos flying off the nearby coffee table. 

Suddenly remembering the topic flying around his head the whole of today, Harry snatched his phone from where it had landed in between the sofa and checked his emails. Sure enough, one from his boss had been sent, 

[Subject:  _Artist Email_ ] 5:44pm 

He opened the email and a message popped up,

_His email is -_

_t_london@gmail.com_

_Email him, good luck!_

_\- Joyce_

Harry hovered over the address and chose the option to write a new message.

[To: _t_london@gmail.com_    From: _sth.photography@sky.com_ ]

[Subject: _Collaboration_ ] 6:36pm

_Hi, I'm a photographer in the local area, I heard you were opening a business in London and was interested in seeing if you could possibly show some of my photographs at any point? I would love the opportunity to work with you,_

_Thank you for your time.  
_

Harry decided to keep it short and professional, with a heart beating out of his chest. Hesitantly he clicked send, releasing a breath as the familiar _'_ _sent'_ sound hung in the air. Standing with unsteady legs he made his way into the kitchen to get a cup of tea. _Who knew this would be so terrifying?_ He really needed to get himself out there, he was so new to the whole art world, if he didn't soon he would be a laughing stock.

Later, whilst eating Domino's, a _'ding'_ interrupted his programme and his laptop's bright screen reflected against the mirror.

 _Fuck_ , this could be the artist, grabbing the computer Harry opened up his emails, sure enough, there was a reply.

[Subject: _Collaboration_ ] 9:13pm

_I'd be very interested in meeting to discuss your ideas. Is Friday evening around 6 okay? The address of my new shop is 9 Wardour St, the building is not yet completely finished but it would be good to meet you there, could you bring some of your photos please?  
_

_Looking forward to meeting you._

That's in two days! Harry was worried his reply was all too enthusiastic and yet boring. Nonetheless, he had agreed to meet him and spent the rest of the night nervously looking up the place on Google Maps. He couldn't believe this was happening.

* * *

 

Harry was around 15 minutes early.

He couldn't help leaving work early, partly from nervous excitement and partly to escape Joyce's anticipation. He looked across the street at the building. The outside was a cream stone with two large windows either side of a mahogany door. Inside he could see a freshly painted room with plain exhibition boards in the middle of the room. At the back, he could just make out a service desk and a door. Slowly this door opened and a head of dark hair appeared followed by the body of a small man. He seemed to be fiddling with something on the desk and nerves settled in the pit of Harry's stomach. _This is it._

Crossing the street he entered the building quietly. The artist across from him turned rapidly.

Harry was met with sharp blue eyes, they raked across him and widened as they refocused on his own green ones. A million questions raced from his mind as memories of those exact blue eyes crushed them.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Hate radiated from the sentence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven’t updated in so long! I was on holiday if that’s an excuse, but I’ll try to get to a schedule soon - hope you enjoy!  
> \- C


	3. Chapter 3

Quiet music drifted like heavy smoke between them.

Narrowing his eyes Harry spoke, "I was under the impression I was meeting an artist, I was obviously wrong." His blood was boiling, god he wanted to punch Louis, hit him and watch him fall to the ground as he once had years ago.

Anger burnt in Louis' cold eyes as he mocked the younger man, "I thought I was meeting someone with talent, I was obviously wrong." He wanted to walk away from Harry, wanted to ignore everything he said, leave him helpless. Just like he had been left. _6 fucking years ago._

He was now looking up at Harry, his head slightly tilted as he took in his sculpted features. Despite the distance, he could see the energy in his green eyes and the way his curls framed his face.  _When did he get so tall, and mature? I don't remember his voice being that low. Fuck._

Taking a closer look at the shop now he was inside, Harry retorted, "No art here, still got nothing to show for yourself."

"Don't insult my work, you forget I'm the one with the shop and you, little Harry is still begging me to help you."

"Begging is the wrong word. I think asked would be correct, and I don't need your help, I simply wanted to improve the quality of work being shown."

"As if, your photos will pale in comparison to my pieces."

“You're a prick," was all Harry could muster in reply.

"I'm sad I've had to see your pretty face again after only a decade."

"Oh, you think my face is pretty?"

_Fuck._

"I think you have good genetics. That doesn't make up for your personality being complete shit though."

"Admit it. You're attracted to me, after all this time I thought the magnificent _Louis_ would have gotten over his little fling. Apparently not."

Louis was really riled up. Harry knew full well he had never been 'a little fling'. _Goddamnit, and the way he said my name._

"I should have looked you up, _Tomlinson_ , saved my time and energy, almost as big of a mistake as you." Harry took his chance to get at Louis again, the surname rolling off his tongue with ease.

"Mistake huh? Like when you kissed me for the first time?"

Memories of long stares and mumbled words flooded back. They had been at a concert that night, dancing together at the back where no one would see, or care. Towards the end of the set the power cut out, Harry had been studying Louis for what had felt like an eternity, murmuring compliments in his ear. When the room was plunged into darkness there had been a moment of still before Harry had nudged forward, meeting Louis' lips with his own. After sharing a soft embrace Harry had pulled back in the now dimly lit space, sheepishly muttering how he had stumbled and that he hadn't meant to kiss Louis, but that he didn't regret it.

Colour flushed Harry's cheeks, showing he remembered just as well as Louis.

Knowing he had knocked the younger man off guard now Louis walked slowly round from behind the counter, feeling slightly exposed. He could feel Harry's eyes raking over his body as if trying to map every element that had changed since he had seen him last.

A look flashed over Harry's features and he closed the distance between the two. Sparks bounced from each's chest as they breathed heavily against the other. Slender fingers gripped Louis' arm and he looked down. He could see the muscles in Harry's arms tense, his _arms_ oh god. He could feel the tight grip against his skin and reflexively reached up to investigate Harry's now short hair. Running his hands through the curls caused Harry's head to turn upwards, revealing his long pale neck.

"I want to wreck you." Harry's voice was low and seductive as he moved against Louis, his words dangerous and ambiguous.

"Fuck, Harry. You can't just, uh" Louis was cut off with a gasp as Harry rolled his hips against him.

They were close, so close. Both their minds had switched off, shock knocking down all their walls and giving way to instinct. Lone need pulled and pushed them around, each other the only thing they could process as they attempted to get impossibly closer.

 _No,_ except the mental boundaries didn't have quite the same effect physically as Louis breathed in the smell of _Harry._ Cologne and the London air mixed with the faint scent of body products and clothes. Without thinking, Harry now moved downwards and their mouths met, a hot combination of desire and moisture. Want surging between them as they moved, Harry pushing Louis back into the edge of the counter, it jutted into his back uncomfortably but Louis didn't have time to care as he moved them around to behind the counter. He felt his feet leave the floor as Harry effortlessly picked him up, forcing him into the door to push it open. Insufferable noises left them as they fell onto the stairs, electricity dancing through the small space, torturing them as they were trapped in position. Sucking dark marks on to Louis' neck, Harry slipped a hand under his shirt, feeling the smooth skin tense beneath him.

"Not so little anymore, am I?" Harry's words were melodic as he spoke into Louis' ears. There was a threat behind them, threat mixed with a tone Louis couldn't work out. He threw his head backwards, away from the voice of the man on top of him, attempting escape. Instead, he was met with a blunt pain as his skull made contact with the stairs. It jolted him into conscious thought, brain functioning again.

"Not, not again. Get out." Louis' words cut through the atmosphere breathlessly, this was all too familiar, he had been here before, couldn't do it again, couldn't feel this again.

Startled Harry lifted himself off Louis, looking down desperate for breath he considered what he had just been doing, "Sorry." Heat spreading across his face in embarrassment and legs unsteady he got up, and left, leaving the echoing door swinging.

 


	4. Chapter 4

_Absolutely not._

Harry had not just done that, with Louis. Not now, not in London. No. 

He had walked home in a state of disbelief, oddly calm as he entered his apartment, fumbling for the keys in the darkness. He gulped down a glass of whiskey as soon as he got in and stumbled into a hard kitchen chair, cursing himself for being tight when buying stuff for the apartment. He played back the night in his head. Seeing Louis, _Louis_ and his gorgeous eyes and witty comments, smell and touch and voice and hair. Everything about him was like a drug, something Harry was addicted to, _needed._ It was unhealthy, ridiculous and all too similar to the stupid romance books Harry had once loved. Which was all fucking dumb, dumb and irresponsible and immature. This wasn’t a romance novel where they kissed and made up, Louis had utterly betrayed everything, he had physically and mentally ruined Harry, and he wasn’t going to let him do that again. He was going to prove he was better than him, better than the scum of the earth Louis was. 

But the way he kissed Harry, after this long. The way he had looked at him, touched him, spoken to him. He still knew exactly how Harry ticked, what made him turn. _Shit._

He spent the rest of the night at the kitchen table, thinking, drinking and eventually falling asleep, slouched uncomfortably on the wooden surface.

* * *

_Fuck_.

As if that had just happened. As if he had just let that happen. As if he had just let the man who had walked out of his life all that time ago just touch him again. The prick who had ignored his cries for help, who had just left, left as Louis was dragged away, without a care in the world. 

Unfortunately enough, Louis' heartbeat was very real as it bruised his chest, and his knees really were about to give out as he tried to stand and his stomach really was about to flip as he stumbled into his office and collapsed next to the bin, bringing up the acidic contents of his stomach.

All of a sudden it was very real and he couldn't breathe.

* * *

That was how Liam found him the next morning, crumpled on the floor and partly covered in sick, tear stains and bruises littering his skin. He thought he had been attacked and proceeded to call an ambulance. The sirens and Liam's pacing woke Louis, choking weakly in an attempt to relieve the taste of acid from his mouth.

"Louis? You're ok, shit, I've called an ambulance, don't worry. Everything is ok." The words were rushed as Liam dropped to the floor beside the smaller man.

"What? An ambulance, no Liam I'm fine, just felt queasy, and tired. I'm fine." His voice was low and rough. 

"I really think you should let them check you."

"No no, I'm not in the mood to be prodded today, tell them to go, Liam, please."

"I don't know if you can tell an ambulance that?"

"For me, please? Try?"

"You owe me, Louis Tomlinson. If you move I will personally carry you after them when I come back."

 

It took a minute for Liam to convince the paramedics but they eventually left, instructing him to take Louis to the GP to check he was ok once he felt up to it, or if symptoms persisted to take him to the hospital, and that wasting NHS time again could result in serious consequences.

"Right, let's get you home. I'm letting you sleep for the rest of today but tomorrow I am coming round and pampering the fuck out of you."

"Really Liam, that's not necessary, I'll be fine after a good nights sleep."  Louis dismissed the idea, but Liam didn't back down that easily.


	5. Chapter 5

Harry had ended up sleeping until midday. He woke still mildly hungover and took the afternoon slowly, doing everything gently and minding his head. He busied himself with housework, bleaching the toilet and scrubbing surfaces in a painfully numb state. It seemed as if Louis' voice echoed off his pans and smirked at him in shiny cutlery.  By 5 he was bored and tired, so started on the drinks again. He couldn't think of anything other than last night and didn't feel like putting up much of a mental fight against it. Moving wearily around he made his way to the bathroom, tiles reflecting the low afternoon sun directly into his sore eyes. He decided to have a bath to try and recuperate, but by the time he had successfully turned the bathroom to steam, he was endlessly restless. Perched on his bed wrapped in a fluffy white towel he grabbed his phone. 

"Zayn? Mate, can we go out tonight? Well, as soon as you can, I've had a long day and I really feel in the mood to go out, meet some people you know?" He added an empty laugh at the end.

"Sure mate, um I can be ready in about half an hour? I got off early so I can pick you up at say, 7?"

Harry looked at his watch, it was 6:10, he could last until then.

"Sounds brilliant, thanks, Zayn, I'll see you later."

"See you in a bit mate."

He retreated to the kitchen and grabbed himself a bowl of cereal, flicking through the TV he put on a BBC drama and settled. He had about an hour to kill, Zayn would be late, he always was.

Whilst eating he figured his plan was to get absolutely shitfaced and charm a guy into taking him home. He was pretty good at that. It would distract him from Louis, maybe even shove him out of his mind for good. Once he realised his cereal was too soggy to stomach he went to get changed. Harry wanted something that would catch people's attention, but subtle enough that he didn't look like he was trying too hard. _Effortlessly attractive,_ he thought, mocking himself. Settling for a navy satin shirt which he rolled up to tighten around his biceps and reveal his strong forearms, black skinny jeans and a jacket, he looked to his hair. It was unruly and tangled from his bath and night spent at the kitchen table. He brushed it back and fluffed up the top. Somehow it seemed to show off his high cheekbones and eyes even more. They looked worn though, his eyes, the normally vibrant green was dim and exhausted. He almost wanted to hide them but thought himself silly, he had been drinking. Content, he necked another small glass of whiskey before putting on his boots and making his way downstairs, it would be easier for him to meet Zayn outside and it was around 7:15, so he'd be here soon.

Sooner than he thought he heard the familiar rev of Zayn's car turning around the corner, waving with a small laugh as Zayn pulled over, Harry got into the passenger seat.

"Honestly, I really forget the traffic at this time, it shouldn't be this bad, and there were these kids that would, not, get out of the road-"

"It's alright mate, I wouldn't love you so much if you didn't have your little quirks!" Harry teased him and gave him a light punch on the shoulder,

"I hate you," Zayn pretended to sulk as he began to drive to their favourite club.

* * *

 "Y'know, Zayn, I just, I really hate some, people. This world, it's bad." Harry was mumbling all sorts of crap in Zayn's direction who was eyeing up a girl on the other side of the room.

"Idiots at work again?" He was only half paying attention,

"Mm, no! Actually, some bad people. Like, so bad, hate him."

"Most people are just a bit misunderstood H, you don't hate anyone normally, who is this him? Also, do you think I should get this girl a drink?”

"Drink? I need another drink mm." Turning his attention to the bar staff now Harry spoke again,

"Hey, Mr pretty, do you think I could get another one of these? Pretty please? You're pretty."

"I think you've had a few too many already mate, we can't serve you anymore, sorry."

"But you're pretty, you're supposed to be nice, nice, he used to be nice, now I hate him. Mm. You're pretty, do you want to take me home?"

The bartender looked at Harry in sympathy and nudged Zayn,

"Hey, sorry bud, but I think your friend needs to go home."

"Shit, no I'm sorry, thank you mate." Zayn looked around to talk to Harry but he was already gone. He had spotted someone he liked the look of across the club.

As Zayn neared he could hear Harry speaking,

"Yeah? Wanna go? I can give you that babe."

Zayn had to admit, Harry was pretty good at talking people up, this must be a new record speed. Satisfied he would be fine tonight, Zayn left to buy that girl a drink.

In the taxi, Harry couldn't keep his hands off Tom, or Tim? Maybe he was Connor, either way, Harry couldn't care he just wanted to get laid. The pair stumbled through mystery man's front door and into his bedroom, Harry pushed him down onto the bed and quickly undressed him. Teasing, Harry dragged his tongue tentatively down the man's chest, abdomen and narrowly skipping down to his thighs. Placing a large hand on his shoulder, Harry rose to give him a strong kiss. 

* * *

When he was sure mystery man was asleep, Harry got dressed and slipped out of his apartment. He was starting to get a headache and wanted to get home. Ordering a taxi proved unsuccessful though, Harry was clearly too drunk and the driver refused to take him anywhere in case he threw up. Frustration and despair boiled inside him, he didn't know what to do. It was 4 in the morning and his phone was almost dead, he hadn’t the faintest where he was, and he felt as if he had been hit by a boulder and then thrown into a cement mixer.

Desperate, he decided to head in the direction he thought the road was, he decided as long as he could walk he’d be ok. Somewhere along the way of his half drunk half exhausted meander he realised he recognised some of the buildings. He was too out of it to know where from but familiarity couldn’t be bad, and so he headed towards anything that rang a bell. Stumbling through some gates he realised he was in a large open area, Hyde Park. He had enough sense now to know he was very far from home but he decided fretting wasn't going to help him. Walking towards the mass of water Harry headed towards the East end of the park, if he could get to Marble Arch he could probably get the tube home.

Then he remembered that night, the shouts and the confusion, and he wasn't drunk enough to think about that. No, he should get out. So he took off, running until his lungs couldn't take in any more air and his legs wouldn't support his body any longer.

He was on hard concrete, brick buildings surrounding him, streetlamp cast sickly yellow light onto the road and the sound of engines hummed in the background. In front of Harry was an illuminated shop, he guessed it was a 24-hour cafe and made his way towards it, desperate for the sound of other people to clear his mind. He stumbled as he walked, feet unsteady and alcohol still present in his blood. All thoughts of getting home were lost to him as he instead he imagined a warm drink, a calming cup of tea was sounding really lovely right about now.

Tentatively opening the door he stepped inside, warmth hit him suddenly and he felt the tips of his ears burn with the change of temperature. Voices were low and the venue was clearly winding down, the midnight rush having left or regrettably finishing their drinks. Trying to look as confident as possible he sat down at a window table, alone in the corner. Trying to occupy himself as _what am I doing here?_ was echoing around his mind, he flipped through the glossy paper contents of a wooden stand. There was a menu, alcoholic, non and snacks, an advert for a choir, and an advert for a shop. An art shop opening soon, _Louis' shop_.

A grin stared back at him, happiness beaming from the image of the artist, accepting an award for their work. In his drunken state Harry's mind wandered. It explored the jawline and the collar bones that he could imagine under the crisp white shirt, the shape of the body covered by fabric, and the pitch of the laugh coming from the gentle lips, the way the skin at the edge of bright blue eyes crinkled, the way those eyes lit up with joy, how the hair fell and the shadow that lined the face. Then he flicked back to the way the man had spoken on Friday, the tone of the venomous words that had slipped from the tight lips, the way the eyes had burnt and narrowed as they focused on his face. He remembered then the way they had looked at him exactly the same after that night. 6 years ago they had looked at him exactly the same.

Except they were softer then, they weren't as steady, they had wavered then. Just like his own, they had flicked away after seconds, unable to keep contact. It struck Harry that maybe it wasn't the same. That the eyes had changed, just as much as his own had. They had both changed. He really thought about it then, losing control of his rational mind. He began to compare the differences, the more pronounced cheekbones, sharper jaw, stronger eyes, bolder words, softer skin, miraculously smaller frame, then again he could be taller. 

He was thankful when he was eventually asked to leave, it prevented his brain from diving any further into Louis. Who he guessed was the owner was actually a lovely man, he gave him a number for a taxi, who this time agreed to take him home. The journey was oddly silent, not that Harry normally talked very much to his taxi drivers, but this time it seemed to accentuate the isolation he felt. Seeing Louis had reminded him of the way he used to feel, and how he no longer had that. How very much alone he now was in comparison.

The wind bit at him when he left the car, mocking him as he stumbled to his door and laughing as he collapsed onto his bed, whirling with insanity as he fell asleep. It plagued him further into the morning, wrenching memories around his head and echoing his pained cries as he faded in and out of conciousness.


	6. Chapter 6

Louis opened the door to a very pleased Liam, armed with chocolate and Pringles.

"I love you." Louis grinned,

"Oi don't get all mushy on me, that's my job." Liam smiled back at him.

After tea and coffee were served, Louis had caught Liam up on the last 24 hours and he was satisfied that he wasn’t going to die, they sat and watched Captain America, cuddled under a blanket, enjoying the peace of each others company.

They had met each other at an event for Artists who didn’t have any backing yet, it was an opportunity to show your stuff and the people with money and business could see if anyone interested them. Liam hadn’t had any money or a business - he had been interested though, and he did have contacts. Louis was more than happy to talk to him and they hit it off immediately, it was only after another woman asked after Louis’ work that the two realised they had barely discussed business. Deciding to meet after the event both had moved on. Later that day they went for a drink and stayed talking until last call. Neither had ever looked back and had been inseparable since. 

Each had got the other out of a few shitty situations, and into equally as many throughout the three years they had been friends. 

"Dude, what happened yesterday?" Liam turned to Louis as the credits began to roll.

"I got sick, you know that." He looked away, feeling more sick now he wasn’t telling Liam the truth.

"We all get sick but we don't sleep on the floor of a not yet heated office after throwing up in a bin and covered in bruises?" concern leaked through his voice.

Louis' hoodie drowned his small frame and he curled up, searching for comfort as he remembered the Friday night. It was Sunday now and while the bruises Harry had left had mostly faded, they were still tender to touch. He liked that though,that he could feel and see Harry's touch on him. Like he used to. _Stop._

"Look, I saw someone I haven't seen in a very long time. Someone who meant a lot to me," _means_ , "and who I wasn't really prepared to see again. We talked a bit," _argued and almost fucked,_ "and he left. I felt sick, probably from some food I ate earlier,"  _from being so close to the man I loved, who left me and broke my stupid heart,_ "and threw up. Got tired and must have fallen asleep. That's it, promise." _There's so much more to it than that._

Looking at Liam’s face he could see there was a 1% chance he believed him. _Shit, I wouldn't believe me either._

"As if. Who is this dude, why did he mean a lot to you, and why the fuck did he leave bruises all over you?"

"Would it help to know I probably left similar bruises on him?" Louis could feel his hand's tingle as he remembered them on Harry's toned arms, over his stomach, tracing his collarbone, the side of his face. _Stop._

"Louis, who is he?"

_He should be mine._

"Just some guy I used to know when I was in college, no one special." _Wrong, incredibly special._

"I don't buy it." Uncertainty shone through Liam's voice, it was clear he was troubled by the idea of not being able to help his friend.

Louis desperately needed his help though, hell he needed bloody therapy so he could stop thinking about how he wanted to see those marks on Harry, to see how Harry was his.

”Liam, I can’t get into it right now. There’s so much of it and it’s, it’s a lot to bring up. In reality  would probably help to say it all but I really can’t put myself through that today. I’m sorry if I sound selfish but it’s just not worth it.”

”Hey, there’s obviously more to it than I first thought, we don’t have to talk about it now - but you know I’m here whenever you need?”

“Yeah, I do, thank you mate, means a lot.”

They settled for watching a couple of episodes of The Walking Dead and then Liam got a call from work, he was sad to see him go but wanted to be alone too. A voice at the back of his mind suggested that actually he didn't want to be alone, he wanted to be with _Harry._

That would be dumb though, so no. He sat back on the sofa in silence for a bit, the walls of his apartment becoming smaller as time progressed. Thinking rationally he realised he still had the afternoon and nothing planned.

He decided to get a coffee. The caffeine and fresh air would do him good.

Before he knew it he was wondering through the busy London streets, watching his breath dissipate into the air as he walked. Buildings stacked on one another towered over him, insignificance sinking into his mind. 

Arriving at the coffee shop drew him out of his self pitying thoughts, he was glad to see his favourite barista and went to order.

"Hey Kate, can I get a latte, and do you stll have those pencils and paper stashed somewhere?"

"Louis! My favourite customer, one latte he demands, and his pencils and paper." She laughed as she teased him,

"Hm I know I can always rely on you," he smiled, gently passing her the money,

"Eat in?" Louis nodded, "got it, I'm on my break in a couple of minutes, mind if I visit you at your throne?"

"I'd love you to! Will have to clear it with my royal guards first of course."

"I'll bring it over in a second Mr, go be Royal in the corner," she flicked him away fondly and returned to making drinks.

He was lost staring out the window when she joined him with his drink and drawing supplies,

"Thanks, how are you?" He asked, gently taking the coffee from her and picking up the pencil, absentmindedly drawing as he focused on the conversation.

"Good, not much has been going on, I'm moving in with Jack in a couple of months." Her eyes lit up as she explained how they had come to the decison to move in together.

Louis' eyes softened as he saw how happy she was, "I'm so happy for you, you better still let me come and watch Britian's Got Talent though!"

They talked for a little about Louis' work and Kate finishing Uni, how she had a career job she was looking into and how she must be the drinks caterer for the opening of the shop. Eventually the conversation shifted slightly,

"So, you haven't met a fellow arty hipster you like yet?" The question was harsher than she realised,

"Ha, not quite yet, I'm working on it," except that was a lie, because he had met one, not quite as cliche as that description but Harry was artistic and Louis did like him, he really liked him.

Luckily Kate didn't notice the doubt traced betweeen Louis' words and she flipped the topic again. Soon she had to finish the rest of her shift and Louis decided he should probably go, he handed her back the cup and pencils so he could always draw when he came in, but ripped out the first page of the pad before giving it to her and saying their goodbyes.

He folded the paper wearily and left, the cold air sending shivers down his spine. He didn't go home immediately, he wanted to make a detour. Hurriedly pacing down the pavement his body blocked the light from shop windows, creating a shadow beside him that reflected his anxiousness.

Arriving at Boots, he was hit with a mixture of scents and muddle of conversations, teenagers inspecting the makeup, babies giggling and crying and adults hastily getting necessities. Bypassing them all and making his way to the back of the store, flashing lasers and technical beeps bombarding his senses. Louis lifted the lid of the printer and laid the crinkled paper down, impatiently watching the laser scan across. As soon as the fresh copy fell from the mouth of the machine he grabbed it, handing coins to the bored staff and leaving rapidly. It felt silly to be printing in town, he had one at home, but he couldn’t bring himself to do that in his own space. He needed to keep this seperrate for now, away from his home.

The nearest book shop was a couple minutes walk, he did it faster though, anticipation encouraging him. He knew they had phone books and it didn’t take long to look up ' _Styles_ _'._

There was a single bold address glaring back at him and he copied it onto the back of an envelope with a slightly shaky hand. Slipping the image inside, he grabbed some stamps and paused to inhale the musty atmosphere of ink and paper. Decision final he paid again and left, the ‘ching’ of the till accompanying his exit.

The breeze was a welcome relief and the steady fall of his feet calmingly continuous as he moved. The threatening red of the letterbox loomed ever closer as he approached. Fingers brushing the smooth paint, reluctantly letting go of the envelope as it floated to the bottom, echoing when it hit the ground. 

Walking home his legs became more unsteady until he stumbled through his door and collapsed onto the bed. His tired eyes fell shut and his lungs heaved for air, but relief was evident in his mind, a step towards peace. 

He didn’t realise he longed for communication as much as peace, or that he was making excuses for himself, self control having dwindled with recent stress and shock. 

* * *

Harry was at work, taking a call from an exceptionally demanding customer. 

“Yes of course, we can look into that for you. We can try and fit that yes, I can’t make any promises but we will do our best miss, ok, thank you, yes, you too, thank you, goodbye.” 

The phone clicked with a similar sigh to his own and the rang again. Shrill notes ringing in his ear at a frequency he had come to detest. 

Taking 3 short rings to psych himself up, he hesitantly picked up the machine again, fingers aching from the position. 

“Hi, how can I help?” 

“Harry! Alright mate? Sound a bit tired, anyway though, haven’t seen you since the other night, have any fun with your man?” Zayn was overly enthusiastic, knowing exactly that Harry would be squirming in his seat. 

He was, but the distraction was welcome and so he decided it couldn’t be too bad an idea to have that conversation with Zayn. 

“Zayn, should have guessed it would be you come to haunt me. I am tired and bored, which is the only reason I’m indulging you with this information.” 

“Ah you love me really! Spill then.”

”My stunning good looks and charming personality was of course irresistible to him, he took me home and we had some fun.” 

“Hmm, you don’t remember his name, who he was, or in fact anything about that night do you?” 

Harry in fact didn’t remember much of what Zayn was interested in, he did remember after though. Not for any happy reasons.

”Maybe not, do you remember the name of the girl you were chatting up though?” 

He had caught Zayn out with that one. 

“So what if I don’t!” 

“Nothing! Except you don’t get to beat me up about not remembering either.”

“Mm, right well we still on for Tuesday?”

”Of course. Also I wanted to ask, you made any leeway on that place you were looking at?” 

“Nah not yet mate, everything’s really slow. They reply to my emails but there’s always some kind of thing that’s delaying it.” 

“Right, do you want me to look into it? Get on their backs?”

”If you have a minute that would be great, don’t go out of your way though, I put up a good front myself.” Zayn’s chuckle was warm and familiar down the phone,

”Oh I know, I know.” Harry was feeling a little overwhelmed. It was hard to explain, a weight on his chest, he struggled to think straight.

”Alright mate, look I can hear Joyce coming down the hallway, I don’t wanna be the focus of her wrath today so I’ll speak to you later yeah? Stay safe.” The threatening clicks of her heals could have been heard a mile away, but Harry knew she wouldn’t be horrible to him even if she did catch him on the phone to Zayn.

”Sounds good, you too Harry. Bye.”

”Bye.” 

The day was already too long. Too long for him to stay awake through. A glance at the clock told him it was nearly 5. Only another hour. One more hour. 

He busied himself trying to design a plan that fitted all the wants of his last customer. It took many sheets and smudged pencil before he got there, but the time passed fast enough and he managed to get everything done he wanted. 

Feeling mildly productive, but mainly tired he packed his stuff up. Folding the pages into his pack and stuffing it in his bag. Locking the draw under the desk and then the door he made his way out of the building, shouting a quick goodbye and thanks to Joyce on the way. 

The afternoon was warm and he was glad of the weathers comfort. He couldn’t get Louis out of his mind. After everything he still wanted him, still wanted his touch, wanted to hear his voice. Some sick, fucked up part of his brain had convinced him that he needed Louis. Needed him close. 

Bht he had made it through the last six years alone fine by himself. Albeit he didn’t sleep well, better than he used to but not properly, he still had faint dreams about him, fractured reflections of past memories, twisted to show how he know felt. Joy turned to anger and love to hate, comfort to attack, protection to vulnerability. They were more nightmares than dreams but never lasted long, his mind losing the strength to paint the images. 

He had never spoken to anyone about what had happened, Zayn knew of a horrible break up and a violent experience. He didn’t know  they were linked, or the details, or about Louis. Harry had barely uttered the name since. 

Arriving home he set his work on the kitchen table and grabbed his camera from the counter. He left right after, lazily locking the door. 

Looping the strap around his neck he made his way to the park nearby. The trees this time of the year were perfect for framing any other part of the surrounding world. He loved nothing more than to chat to the dog walkers and listen to the birds singing, almost always he’d see his favourite pair, an older woman and her little Westie. Bruno, the dog, would run to him and jump up, his small black nose only just reaching Harry’s knee. Then Louise would laugh as she caught up, met with Harry’s equal chuckle. They’d talk about their day or week, favourite new book or just how good that last Tv episode was. Each enjoyed the others company and were good friends, even if they only ever saw each other in the park on a weekday evening. The simple friendship brought them a lot of joy and so Harry never gave up the chance to talk to her, or slide Bruno a cheeky treat. 

He didn’t see them today though, the birds were quiet too, as if they felt his tiredness and couldn’t bring themselves to bother him.

Whilst the walk was oddly lonely, it gave him time to think, and created a good atmosphere and mentality for a few isolating shots. 

Satisfied and legs beginning to ache he headed back home slowly, taking in the gentle light and shade of the buildings. He noted which doors stood out in colour and which gates were bold, odd names of houses and courts and any interesting car registration plates. It was peaceful and calming and just what he needed. Just what he needed to take the focus off Louis.


	7. Chapter 7

Louis was restless, since posting the drawing he hadn’t been able to get Harry off his mind. He dwelled on that as if he hadn’t thought of Harry before, as if he hadn’t been plagued by the man for the past six years. That was irrelevant now though, because he was back in Louis’ life. Here in London, he was back. 

Saying that, it was Louis who had moved here, he had walked back into this mess. _Is it a mess?_ _Yes._

It could be classed as many things but Louis could only see the muddle of emotions, the confusion and the shattered memories. He hated it. Hated Harry, hated he still fucking wanted to touch him, trace his jaw and listen to the slow, drawn-out syllables and melody of his voice. 

He couldn’t think about that now though, he needed to finalise his insurance. God, he hated insurance people too. 

Part of him was trying to say he shouldn’t be so full of hate, the other part was saying fuck it, people are annoying. 

Louis wanted to go out, wanted to lose himself in something, anything. 

It took 40 minutes of his tone getting harsher and tighter, his comments quicker and harder before he finally got off the phone with them. 

“Done.” He released a breath forcefully as he tried to relive the pressure in his chest and the ache from his head. Massaging his temples gently he moved to make a cup of tea, his current one having gone cold.

The walls of his apartment seemed to close in on him the longer he was there, the colours dulling and familiarity no longer comforting but sickening.

He knew Liam was out and he didn’t fancy braving the clubs alone, too many twats that would piss him off. No, but he did need to leave, before he smashed a hole in the never-ending grey surrounding him. The silence of the apartment was suffocating, the boiling kettle only seemed to make it harder to breathe.

Abandoning the tea he pulled on trainers and a hoodie and left, running from the instant the door was locked. His legs moved underneath him and he stopped processing thoughts, just moved. The blur around him was good, not being able to focus on anything left him able to slip away in his own bubble, to escape from thinking. Too soon though his chest was heaving, deprived of air again and he was forced to slow down, numb legs stumbling at the sudden change in speed. His jaw burned, lungs gasped and muscles becoming increasingly weak, pushing him to sit on a nearby wall. The bricks only rose to about a foot and a half off the ground, and not judging the distance correctly Louis nearly slipped off the back. Regaining a sort of balance he sat up, his knees were higher than his pelvis due to the height of the wall and he rested his head in-between them, hugging his waist tenderly.

"Are you ok dear?"

He looked up the sound of an elderly voice, an older woman peering down at him.

"Uh, yeah I think, sorry" His voice was raspy with breathlessness. Scratching at his legs then averted his eyes to a small white dog, what he believed was a Westie staring up at him with deep brown eyes, whining quietly.

"What have you got to be sorry for? Bruno, shh!"

"Aha, I don't know really, he's a lovely dog." Louis immediately liked the woman, she was so welcoming and felt immediately trustworthy.

"I've had Bruno a long time now, he's almost as old as me!" She chuckled, eyes crinkling with joy, it made him want to laugh along with her.

"I'm not sure about that, you seem like a lovely youthful woman." He couldn't prevent his smile as he talked to her.

"Youthful, a foreign idea that. You said you thought you were ok though, are you really dear? I do believe I make a rather nice cup of tea and it is only polite to offer the man on your wall one."

Louis shot up, "Oh god! Your wall, I'm so sorry, it is a lovely wall."

"I know dear, my husband built it," she was now walking towards the front door of the house behind him, "come on, we all need a good tea sometimes."

Sheepishly and rather in shock at being taken care of by this stranger, Louis followed her, hesitant to step inside he hovered around the doorway, crouching to pet the happy dog. He heard the rumble of the kettle and thought back to his own he had left boiling. He hoped he hadn't burnt his apartment down. 

"You seem a bit tired, would probably do you good to come and sit down dear." The woman called from what he assumed was the kitchen, _was this even safe?_ He knew you shouldn't go into a strangers house, realistically though what was she going to do to him? He didn't think he had ever met such a lovely person. Slipping his trainers off he wandered in her direction, Bruno padding ahead. There was carpet covering the ground and trinkets littered a dark table in the corner, the walls were cream and led into a ceramically tiled Kitchen. Oak counters lined one side and an oak table the other, the draws were a cool white and the cooker a sleek grey. Everything first appeared clean and tidy but homlieness drafted the area. Cups and notes were scattered across the table and coloured crayon marks evident, possibly from grandchildren Louis guessed. Bruno's nails clicked against the floor as he headed towards his bed, a burgundy gathering of blankets on the far side.

"Thank you so much for this, I don't think anyone has ever been so welcoming to me." Admiration for her leaked from his voice, as he sat lightly at the table, glad to have regained his breath now.

"I like to do what I can, plus I'm getting on a bit and I find people like you are often more interesting, and nicer than those like myself. Milk? Sugar?"

"I would hardly describe myself as interesting, I'm certain you have more stories than me, a splash of milk and half a teaspoon of sugar if that's ok? Sorry I didn't catch your name?"

"I'm Louise love, but I have to say, the life of an international artist opening his shop in London sounds interesting to me?"

Louis ducked his head, heat flushing his cheeks as a steaming mug was placed in front of him.

"Thank you so much Louise. How did you know it was me?"

"No problem, Louis is it?" He nodded in response, "well, I've been a fan of you for a while, I went to your exhibition in France and the one here. When I saw you were opening a shop here I was very happy. I didn't realise it was you at first, but the familiarity clicked after I offered you tea." She smiled and took a sip of the aforementioned tea.

"Wow, thank you, it means a lot that you support me. I never believed I could do something like this if I'm honest."

"You should be proud of yourself, are you working on anything at the moment?"

"There's a project up North I'm doing a piece for right now, otherwise only bits and pieces here and there. The shop is consuming my life at the moment, I'm definitely ready for it to be open now, give me something to do all day." His eyes lit up at the thought of it, pride beaming from him.

"You're going to do very well here, I know quite a few who really love your stuff."

"Really?" Louis knew he was good, knew he had a few fans, otherwise, he wouldn't be where he was now, hearing it from a real person was insane. Louise nodded and he grinned, this was such an abnormal experience.

"As stunned as I am to meet you, you mentioned you weren't sure if you were ok, I know it's none of my business but I'd hate to leave you feeling badly." Her eyes softened from excited to caring and it burnt Louis' heart. He wanted to cry and blurt out everything bothering him about Harry. That was inappropriate though.

"You are an exceptional person, I've just been very stressed recently. Someone came back into my life recently and it was a big shock. I'm just trying to figure that out at the moment but I'm ok. Thank you for asking." He was glad for the familiar warmth his tea granted him.

"A past significant other?" His expression must have given it away as she nodded and continued, "if they have made that much of an impact on you then my guess is they once, or still do, mean a lot to you. The best advice I can give you is to talk to them. You'll never establish a common ground otherwise."

Louis felt as if she had just cleared the fog from his mind. _Talk to him._ He swallowed a large gulp of tea.

"I think you're right, yeah. Thank you."

"Us OAP's normally are dear," she chuckled again.

"This has been so lovely, I know we only just met but I hope we do again, I better be going though. I can't thank you enough for your kindness."

"No worries dear, I hope to see you again soon, I'll definitely be popping into your shop."

"I look forward to it, thank you, bye."  He grinned and waved as she saw him out, stepping into the cool air.

He jogged back home gently, thinking on Louise's words and glad to arrive at an intact apartment, the smell of paint faint but familiar.


	8. Chapter 8

Harry was woken up by the sound of his rusty letterbox being interfered with, mouth dry and head aching he got up to pull the small package through, helping out whoever was on the other side of the door. It was a simple envelope with nothing clearly big inside and seemed normal enough until he noticed the handwriting, because he knew that handwriting, the sloping letters seemed etched onto the page, glaring at him.

He wasn't in the mood to deal with whatever screwed up thing Louis had in store for him. Vague thoughts of how he would be overjoyed at an envelope from him six years ago passed his mind. Memories of how a grin would cover his face, fingers eager to rip open the seal and read the words crafted by Louis. 

That was six years ago. Today he was tired, wanted a cup of tea and to go back to bed. 

He made his way into the kitchen and toasted some bread, lazily spreading butter across it’s crumbly surface. Opening the peeling white cupboard doors he reached for a tea bag, chucking it absentmindedly into a slightly dirty mug. Setting the kettle to boil he leaned back against the scratchy counter, listening to the bubble of the water. Swirling his tongue over his dry lips he realised he felt a little disgusting not haveung brushed his teeth. Leaving the rumbling kettle he moved across the hall to the bathroom. 

Squeezing a pea of toothpaste onto his toothbrush he lifted his head to the mirror, parting his lips to brush his teeth. He met his own eyes, questioning the green staring back, faint bruising under them a sign of his recent lack of sleep. He wearily moved the bristles around his mouth, all the while having a mental show down with his own reflection. It didn’t take long for the idea of tea to lure him back to the kitchen, and the envelope. 

After finishin his tea he gripped the mug tightly, anticipation over the contents of the letter getting the better of him. 

A nervous noise escaped the back of Harry’s throat as he began to ply it open. Reaching inside to grab a piece of paper, he observed shadows of crinkles but only clean folds were apparent physically, he guessed it must be a copy of an original. Opening it up he saw pencil marks and small smudges from graphite as a hand had moved across the page, once the picture was open fully he focused on the images in front of him. The first thing he noticed were the shapes of a stage, lights projected into the sky creating beams against the darkness. They created a network of crosses and the coloured version appeared vividly in Harry’s mind, blues and reds, a line of purple where they meet. He can see it moving upwards and curving outwards, as it focuses on the audience, causing his vision to become a blur of blue. Then arms are wrapping around him and he relaxes into their touch as they’re moving together, one with the music, the beat vibrating through the ground and syncing with their hearts.  The music is winding down and the lights no longer decorate the sky, they’re dancing slowly over the empty ground as people drift away, leaving the two swaying together, treasuring being close. That's when the sound of feet crushing plastic bottles nears them, and a low voice is interrupting their trance. New arms are pulling Harry away from the soft beams into trees on the edge of the field, they aren’t as welcoming, they’re harsher, pulling him and pushing him at once. He can't hear people moving anymore, only his breath and footsteps stumbling over hard soul. Jeers and mocking voices echo towards him, his heart beat now racing. 

A harsh thump on the door safely distracts him from thinking any further. Setting his tea down he hastily folded up the drawing and shoves it into the back pocket of his tracksuit bottoms, his comfiest pair that doesn't quite reach beyond his ankles. He takes a deep breath and exhales slowly, focusing on the present and fading the past slowly out of his mind.

It was probably Zayn, although Harry couldn’t guess what he wanted this early in the morning. Maybe another postman, who apparently didn’t know how to use the letterbox. 

Moving to the door he unlatched it, murmuring a sorry and that he was coming. 

His jaw nearly dropped when he saw who it was. 

"Uh, are you busy?"

"What do you want?"

"Can I come in?"

"I don’t think so."

"Please. I don’t want a fight."

Sighing he opened the door fully, stepping back to let Louis through.

“Kitchen is the second left.” He muttered as he closed the door behind the smaller boy, walking behind him down the small hallway. 

"Tea?" Harry gritted his teeth, he was better than this, could do this like an adult. 

"Yes please."

Even after the last week, hell the last 6 years, it was too easy to offer him a drink, to treat him as any normal person would. Too easy to fall back into counting how long he held the Yorkshire tea bag in the steaming water, why did he even own Yorkshire? He drank Earl Grey. Carefully he passed Louis the warm mug, just the right size, grabbing his own and sitting in the chair next to him. The square oak table didn’t offer enough space between them.

"Thanks, Yorkshire I hope?" The edges of his eyes crinkled a little, hope flitting through them that Harry might smile back.

He did, gripping his own drink tightly, "Of course, I know you only drink Yorkshire."

Louis took this as a good sign and his smile widened a little, "you know me too well."

That was the issue really, Harry knew Louis, he really knew him, the same way Louis knew Harry, knew he only held his mug in his right hand, knew he would prefer to sit in the right corner of the sofa as his back irritated him if he leant to the left for too long, and Harry knew Louis liked to snuggle into his shoulder, resting his head just so in the crook of Harry's neck and loved it when Harry gently stroked his wrist bone as they relaxed. An awkward silence fell between them as they sipped their tea, "So, why are you here? I don't really know what I can do for you."

"Not for me, for us."

"I still don't understand."

"Look, seeing you again was a massive shock. I’m not bling to lie mate it’s thrown me. You don’t look your best either. I'm opening the shop soon and, if you still want to bring a couple of photos down I don't resent you enough to say no, they're probably incredible if you can still do what you used to. It might be closure in a way."

Harry almost choked. "Closure. Are you having a laugh? It is not funny I can tell you that now."

Both knew they had never got closure, after that day they hadn’t contacted each other, seeing he other only at one night where mutual friends had set up a party. They had left shortly after laying eyes on the other. The end of that summer they both had moved away to go to their separate Unis, neither had wanted to see the other so the idea of closure had become a faint hope in the back of their minds and once they had managed to start new things in their lives, they had tried to forget the whole thing.

"I wasn't joking? I don't know what I did to make you hate me so much, Lord knows you did enough to me, yet here I am, the bigger person again, offering you another chance and you laugh in my face."

"Don't be childish Louis, you may be older than me but God, apparently you aren't mature enough to know I wouldn't just not speak to you without a reason."

"Why don't you explain that reason then Harry, because I've spent the last 6 years trying to figure it out!"

"Oh really! I'm sure it really destroyed you didn't it, what about what you did to me, ever stop to think that maybe I've been trying to figure that out?"

"Piss off, you used me! To get to where you wanted to be? For your own personal gain, or just a summer fling you led on eh?"

Harry stared at him, his eyes wide as he took in what Louis had just said, he was so confused, so lost in the tangled web of what had happened, how he felt and what was happening now. "Why did you send me that drawing Louis? Why on earth would you make me think about what happened that night?"

"I didn't realise what I was drawing when I was doing it, once I realised what it was, I wanted you to see it too, to know what I see at the beginning of my dreams at night, to think about what those dreams progress to, to remember it all as vividly as I do."

"You don't think I already do? Can't still feel your arms around me, and then the loss when they were gone, do you believe I can't hear that voice and the way you led me after it, knowing I trusted you so much in that moment to follow without question. I do remember Louis. I also remember waking up between the trees the next day, remember being alone, knowing you had lead me into it and then left me, to what, to die? Do you wonder honestly wonder why I haven't spoken to you since then. You can't be that naive Louis."

"Lead you? You're delusional, you were so drunk you just let them lead you, didn't stop to look behind for me as I was trapped by someone else, I never saw their fucking face, but you wouldn't know would you, never know that I was forced to watch you following them, whatever he had said, watch you hold his arm like you held mine, and then fucking dragged away, do you not remember me screaming for you, how you ignored those screams. I couldn't speak properly for days after." Louis was standing now and moving towards the door, "this was a mistake, I'm sorry, I can see you've changed but I didn't realise how much."

" trying to figure it out!"  
"Oh really! I'm sure it really destroyed you didn't it, what about what you did to me, ever stop to think that maybe I've been trying to figure that out?"  
"Piss off, you used me! To get to where you wanted to be, I loved you Harry! I loved your laugh and smile and the way you crouched to take a picture of something, the way you talked to me and how you found certain things funny. I wanted to wak up next to you everyday and make you a cup of stupid Earl Grey tea for when you woke up." Louis was seething now, embarrassed in the way he couldn't describe Harry as anything but wonderful, even after everything.  
Harry stared at him, his eyes wide as he took in what Louis had just said, he was so confused, so lost in the tangled web of what had happened, how he felt and what was happening now.  
"Why did you send me that drawing Louis? Why on earth would you make me think about what happened that night?"  
"I didn't realise what I was drawing when I was doing it, once I realised what it was, I wanted you to see it too, to know what I see at the beginning of my dreams at night, to think about what those dreams progress to, to remember it all as vividly as I do."  
"You don't think I already do? Can't still feel your arms around me, and then the loss when they were gone, do you believe I can't hear that voice and the way you led me after it, knowing I trusted you so much in that moment to follow without question. I do remember Louis. I also remember waking up between the trees the next day, remember being alone, knowing you had lead me into it and then left me, to what, to die? Do you wonder honestly wonder why I haven't spoken to you since then. You can't be that naive Louis."  
"Lead you? You're delusional, you were so drunk you just let them lead you, didn't stop to look behind for me as I was trapped by someone else, I never saw their fucking face, but you wouldn't know would you, never know that I was forced to watch you following them, whatever he had said, watch you hold his arm like you held mine, and then fucking dragged away, do you not remember me screaming for you, how you ignored those screams. I couldn't speak for a week after." Louis was standing now, tears pooling in his eyes and moving towards the door, "this was a mistake, I'm sorry, I didn’t mean to bother you." 

Louis wait!" Harry scrambled after him, slamming the door in the hopes it would lock, "I don't understand what you're saying!"

Louis was running to a small blue car, Harry desperately pursued him. Within seconds Louis was inside and fumbling for his keys, Harry threw himself at the door, falling against the seat as Louis drove away.

Tension cloaked them like a plastic sheet, almost tangible, it seemed to crinkle every time they shifted in their seat or breathed out.

“Louis I think you need to stop, you can't be driving this worked up.”

Louis was trying really hard to keep calm as he spoke, "You have no authority to tell me what to do, get the fuck out, I want to go home." He stopped the car, slamming on the brakes with enough force to crush the pedal. He got out with tears running down his cheeks.

The sky was dim, clouds lethargically moving across the grey landscape. He could feel the wind on his chest as he took deep breaths and tried to focus on a nearby tree, it's long branches stretching like smoke towards the straining rays of the sun. His breath hung in the air weakly, fading as he contemplated what he was doing.  
Harry was suffocating, his lungs struggling to take in air from inside the cage of the car, he could see Louis trying to calm down outside, see the breeze lifting parts of his hair and outlining his toned body with his flattened shirt.

Warily he opened the door and clicked it shut, leaning on his side of the car.

“I wouldn’t say anything if I were you. I’m not in the mood to hear your fucking voice.”

Harry closed his eyes. He hadn’t slept in 24 hours, his head was pounding, he was so thirsty, his eyelids were as heavy as his limbs and he couldn’t focus on anything.  
His back hit the car as hands grabbed his neck and lips crashed onto his own, a small ‘oomph’ leaving his throat. He recognised the smell of Louis within seconds automatically moved to hold him. No thoughts were circulating for either of them, muscle memory took over and they moved together. Energy flowed between them as they sought after each other, like animals deprived of food, deprived of the other for so many years. Eventually, their lungs screamed for oxygen and they parted.

Harry felt numb, Louis felt as if he’d been set on fire and then thrown into icy water.

“Little shit” he murmured.

"Why did you run after me?"

"Because I didn't want to leave the conversation with you lying to me."

"Are you fucking serious!"

"Yes, Louis! I'm fucking serious!"

"Piss off, I knew you were a twat but part of me thought we could work things out."

"Don’t turn this on me." His voice was low now, dark. 

“Harry. We are 24 years old. We are fucking adults, I’m not playing around with you. I can’t fucking sleep at night knowing you’re so close and having this whole thing hanging over me like a black balloon that could pop at any second. I feel like I’m going bloody insane.” 

Silence stretched between them, as long as the concrete roads leading in every direction. 

“I know. I feel the same way.”

”I bet.” Louis scoffed as Harry turned to glare at him. 

“Do you see the bags under my eyes, I don’t sleep Louis. Haven’t since I walked into your bloody shop. As if I slept great before that anyway.” 

Louis mapped Harry’s face with his eyes, noting the dark shadows under the angry green. 

“I don’t know what to do, what do we do Harry. I don’t know what happened to you that night but it wasn’t what happened to me, I can’t change it! Believe me I’ve tried enough times.” His voice was getting more strained, eyes shutting in an attempt to stop the moisture from escaping. 

It burnt at Harry’s heart, seeing him like this. Made him want to hold him and let him sob until the pain was gone. It ripped him apart because he still hated him, it felt so intensely wrong to care, yet he couldn’t deny he did. 

Instead of moving to envelope Louis he turned his head away, closing his own eyes. 

“I’ll tell you then. If you don’t know I’ll tell you. I’m tired of this, I can’t go on much longer, I’ll tell you. You have to listen though, and then tell me what happened to you because apparently I don’t know that either.” His voice wavered but he turned back to the smaller man, focusing on his features once more. 

Blue eyes returned his questioning gaze. 

“Ok, yeah ok.” 


	9. Chapter 9

 

Louis had driven them back to his place, the chemical scent of paint hitting Harry as soon as he entered.

“I always thought your place would end up like this one day.”

“Like what?”

“A bomb of paint and pencils,” Harry noted the scattered lead on the small coffee as he glanced around.

“Ah I see, well make yourself at home, would you like a drink?” 

“A glass of water please?” 

“Just a sec then.”

Louis escaped to the kitchen, pressure weighing down on his chest as he breathed. The tap filled two glasses of water quicker than he remembered it could and so he was facing Harry again sooner than he wanted. 

Placing it on the glass table with a ‘clink’ he nervously spoke, 

“I can’t do the small talk, I don’t have the patience. Let’s just get to it please. Also sorry about what happened in the shop.”

”I agree, no I should be sorry.” 

Both paused as they took a deep breath. 

“Do you want me to go first?” 

“I don’t mind, sure.”

Their voices lacked the usual confidence and presence, now empty with hesitance.  

“Right, shit are you sure you want to do this? Everything in my brain is saying stay away from this topic.” He couldn’t help but question it one last time.

“Don’t you think we have to? Especially if we’re going to be working in such close proximity for the forseeable future?”

Harry knew what Louis was saying was true, in the time after they had seen each other first, each had then seen the other various times, at the local Sainsbury’s, cafe and on the tube.

“Harry, we have to be fully honest yeah? As we remember it, what we were thinking, feeling, doesn’t matter what anyone has said ok? Our truth.” 

Swallowing a breath Harry nodded and began to speak,

“Fuck alright, um so we’re at the festival and it’s the end of the night so we’re seeing Kings of Leon, it’s getting towards the end of their set.” He pauses nervously before continuing, “me and you are dancing together at the back and, god, we were so happy. I remember thinking I had come down to see Kings but at the time I could only focus on you. They’re on the last song and we’re just like everyone else, swaying along when, uh this guy comes along and says something. I couldn’t make it out but I remember your hands moving away from around me and then settling on my arm to pull me in the direction of this guy. I’m pretty drunk so I just followed, I thought it was one of our friends saying it was time to go or whatever. We’re heading towards the trees and I was trying to remember where the car was and then I thought, we could be getting food. Shit anyway we’re going towards these trees and they get quite dense and it’s more quiet now and I’ve been following you but then you step back.” His voice started to wobble as he tried to organise his thoughts. “You step back and I hear you laugh and I was nervous then because I didn’t understand where we were and I think I asked you because you said we’re having some fun to celebrate the end of the night, but someone starts to push me around so I’m getting a bit annoyed and they start to shout at me, and then there’s more of them and I’m trying to apologise but,” he stopped to gulp away the lump in his throat. It ached as he tried to prevent tears. “Anyway uh, they kept on at me until they had twisted it that I had attacked them and so they start to hit me and one gets really angry and pushes me on to the ground against the bottom of this tree. So now they’re kicking me and searching me for my wallet and phone, both of which they got.” He tasted salt on his lips and felt damp on his cheeks, lowering his face as he realised he was now crying. “Then, then they just stopped and someone said ‘Well done Louis’ so I assumed you had been there too, attacking me with them. I couldn’t move and I think I passed out quite soon after everyone left. Rest is history.” He let out a breath as he finished speaking, the last words forced out of his shaking lips, every muscle tense and heart beating through his chest.

“So fuck you Louis. I’m over it now but you have nothing worthy of anything and I know I can be a good person, I’m not going to report you.” He laughed shallowly, “I want you to live knowing I forgive you, that I am so much better than you.” 

Louis would have believed his malicious words if he couldn't see Harry visibly quivering across the table, if he couldn't hear the doubt beneath the fear in his vioce.

“I, Harry I’m so sorry. I didn’t know, it wasn’t me, it wasn’t I promise, fuck it wasn’t, I, how could you think that? I couldn’t lift a finger against you if I tried, how could you think? How could you touch me after thinking that? I would have gone mental if I believed you had done that to me, but I didn’t I promise you, I swear I couldn’t, I didn’t.” Louis reached out a hand to Harry, clasping his shaking fingers in his small ones as he too cried, heart thumping as he thought of what Harry had experienced.

He didn’t flinch or move away, he just looked at Louis with watery eyes, green blazing underneath as he thought. 

“I do know because I was there, because someone congratulated you! As for touching you, I wanted to prove to you that I was stronger, that you didn’t have the better of me, and while we’re here, I’m still incredibly attracted to you, how fucked is that?” He almost choked on his tears.

Louis’ face changed as he processed his thoughts. His expression began to harden, anger flowing through him.

“I think I know what happened,” he spoke through gritted teeth, tone softening briefly as he added, “and you are stronger than me Harry, always have been. But it wasn’t me, hear me out please, and fuck I promise it wasn’t me you have to believe me, I loved you Harry, adored every inch of you.” 

“Explain then.” Harry’s voice was tired and rough, beaten from trying to prevent the crying.

”Ok so, I agree with you on everything up until the guy comes to talk to us, it was the last song, and I was happy too, so so happy, not surprisingly all I could focus on was you as well, how good it felt to hold you.” He looked down to their intertwined hands, drawing away.

“so someone puts their hands on my shoulders and I assumed it was a drunk festival goer so I turned to tell them to leave us alone. I look and it’s this big guy who grabs me as soon as I turn and starts to walk me away, I began to freak so I’m looking for you and you’re attached to this guy, holding his arm and walking with him as you would me, I’m just watching you leave with this guy who I don’t know and fuck I think my heart just shattered right there in that stupid fucking field. Part of me still wanted to protect you and I’m scared of this guy dragging with me so I’m screaming and screaming your name, but you don’t turn around, or even stumble in your step, I think at that point I’m more angry than anything, at you for just leaving me, and at this fucking idiot for thinking he can pull me wherever he wants, I think I started to struggle against him, all whilst screaming so he punched me in the jaw, broke it I think so that kind of forced me to shut up. I was terrified and broken so I think I just let him do whatever, luckily he had been heading towards the road and our group was there, somehow they overpowered this prick but I think he was extremely high on something, they wrapped me up and took me home, laughing that I of course would have been punched in the face, asked after you and I just laughed with them, said you had gone home. I couldn’t face the pain of it then, still can’t really now.” He looked up at Harry, trying to read his expression, tears blurring his vision too.

They had both relived every moment in their minds, seen and felt and smelt it. Louis could still taste the smoke in his lungs now.

“Fuck, guess we both got beat pretty bad then.” His voice was empty, unsure of what to think. 

“I have a scar, on my jaw.” Louis lifted his face, angling it so Harry could see the faint white line. 

“Makes you look tough, can’t deny I have a few too” a weak smile spreading across the taller boys face,

”Hm somehow I don’t think so,” his tears dried as anger returned with his next thoughts, “look, there was something I never told you when we were together all those years ago. I think that’s what led to this.” 

“Go on.” 

“You know it wasn’t me right?” 

“Yeah, I think. I was extremely drunk and I know you aren’t a violent guy, must have sounded like you, I was pretty desperate for you to be there, to help me. I could have made it up.” 

“God Harry, bloody hell,” Louis got up and leant against the kitchen counter, swearing almost inaudibly.

“I don’t think you were drunk.” He took a deep breath and glanced at the clock, it was already 6:45. “You know I didn’t have much money when I was young, not a bad thing, my family were amazing so that made up for our financial stuff 110%. But it led me down a few paths I shouldn’t have taken. I fell in with this guy at school and he had a gang thing going on, I didn’t have many friends at the time and we’re so glad they had liked me I agreed to whatever. A lot of them were much older and I spent months with them, going their dirty work, but then my mum got another job and so we had to move, to where I met you. They didn’t like people moving and I was a bit tired of doing their crap anyway so when they tried to give me shit for it I retaliated.” He tried to level his wobbly voice, “it got pretty bad and they promised if they ever saw me again, happy, they’d fuck it up however they could. We all learned to talk the same way, perfected the accent together, to ‘strengthen the family’ they said, could explain the whole hearing me thing, and also I think they spiked your drink at some point, you never got silly drunk all the time I had known you.” He sighed, “I don’t know for sure, but it’s the type of thing they would do, I’ve seen them do it before, to some guy who stitched them up about something, made his wife think he  cheated, most loyal guy I’d met.” 

“First, I would never leave you like that, ever. Even if I had wanted to, which I absolutely did not, I would never be such a twat about it.” He paused to calm down before continuing, “I do think someone could have spiked something though, I got a Jack Daniels earlier when you were with the others, a guy said he had accidentally taken my drink when I was in the queue, I didn’t think much of it then but he smiled so weirdly at me, like he knew something I didn’t.” 

Looking at Harry’s weary eyes made Louis want to scream, it was partly his fault this had all happened, that he had lost Harry. Fuck, that Harry had had to go through all that. His heart burnt and everything was crashing. He was shaking and his throat was blocked and it was hard to breath.

”I can see it wasn’t you now, I was really sick after that night, could have been whatever drug they gave me." He looked up to Louis, "Stop fucking blaming yourself. It wasn’t your fault Louis, I’ve spent the last 6 years blaming you and in the past couple of hours I’ve seen that was my biggest mistake. I know things were bad between us for so long after, and we never got a chance to speak about this but none of it was solely your fault, that lies with us for not speaking, and these gang pricks for what they did.” 

Louis couldn’t speak as he met Harry’s green with his blue. “I’m sorry though, sorry for letting that happen to you, for thinking you would leave me like that, for letting you go and not supporting you, for not going to find you as soon as I was free.” He was sobbing now as Harry got up to hug him, both falling into each other as they let out the past 6 years of emotion, of pain and betrayal. Wave after wave of dizzying tears and hurt surged between them, each crushing the other against them as if they never wanted to let go, never wanted to lose the other again. 

Neither could say how long they spent like that, catacomb in each other’s arms, deep in thought, the need to be close and comforted abolishing anything else. 

Louis moved first, slowly breaking away to look up at Harry. “Could you really forgive me, so quickly, after 6 years of believing I watched and helped attack you, and then, then fucking left you there, fucking alone.” He had to stop to breath, when slightly calmer he continued, “you could do that?” 

“I like to think I’m a rational person, what I know is I knew you before that, and I know who you were. I know a lot happened that night and I know I wasn’t sober. Those are the facts. From my judgement, I’m forgiving you.” He stared intensely at Louis. “Except I don’t believe you did anything, not anymore, so really I’m forgiving you for not speaking to me for 6 years, hm, that was a bit rubbish eh?” 

Louis sniffled a small laugh, “yeah pretty crap, I forgive you too you know, I know you didn’t intentionally leave me, and I’m so sorry for what happened, so I forgive you for not speaking to me for 6 years as well.” 

A small smile flickered across each of their faces, followed by another lingering hug. 

Louis left to walk into the bedroom. Harry stayed in the kitchen, watching the smaller man move. He came back with some tracksuit bottoms and a t-shirt. His voice was soft as he spoke, the previous hours events having worn him down. 

“It’s nearly 8, its cold and dark out so stay on the sofa if you want, you can wear these if you want to change, I ordered the wrong size and never got round to returning so there’s a very small chance they’ll be big enough. I think I’m going to sleep now though. I’m spent.”

Harry’s features seemed to soften, a dim spark in the fogginess. “Thanks, I appreciate it.” 

Each went their separate ways and it didn’t take long for the space to fall into silence.

* * *

 Louis woke early. He was tired but decided it was best to start the day now.

Padding gently across the room he entered the bathroom, he needed a piss and his mouth tasted stale. While brushing his teeth he peered into the sitting room and observed the scene. Harry didn't look peaceful, not like he used to. His eyebrows were slanted downwards and his eyes shut too tightly, his neck was rounded unnaturally and his breathing came in short gasps. Louis wanted to push his curls out of his face and rub his back until he woke up to a warm cup of tea. 

No.

The tall man grunted as he woke, taking in his surroundings, green eyes widening and then shutting in an attempt to wake fully.

Lost for words their eyes met as each tried to read the other.

“I suppose it’s my turn to offer you tea now.”

“Earl Grey please.”

Harry ran a hand through his curls, “is there any way I could brush my teeth?”

”Spare in the cupboard above the sink, I think it’s orange.”

”Thanks, I really appreciate it.”

Harry returned to the sitting room to find Louis with a steaming mug,

”I need to pop out and get some breakfast stuff, will you be ok for a minute - don’t break anything mind.”

”Yeah that’s fine, I can go if you want though, it’s not your duty to feed me, I shouldn’t have stayed.”

“It’s ok, I need to get stuff anyway.”

The door shut softly as Louis left, leaving Harry alone to properly look around the apartment. Cream bedsheets were exposed under the crimson covers of the duvet that were resting mostly on the floor. The mid-morning sun was trying to burn through the curtains and the dishwasher was beeping from the kitchen, faltering often as old appliances did. The heating hadn't come on yet and the hair on his arms was standing weakly from the chill. He had only seen Louis a couple of times and didn’t really know how his fashion had progressed so he made his way to the wardrobe. Muted colours stared back at him, a contrast from when they were young, but at the bottom, Harry caught sight of red peeking out from under some grey trousers. Carefully so as not to misplace anything, he lifted the bright jeans out and held them up, we all have our guilty pleasures, he thought as he eyed them.

Moving into the sitting room he examined where he had partly slept last night, a worn but soft brown sofa stretched along the length of the room in front of a large tv, blankets and pillows littered the sofa and surrounding floor. A glass coffee table sat in the centre of the room and there were three empty cups on it, he grabbed them and walked to the kitchen. Turning on the tap he began to wash the cups. The beeping was really getting on his nerves now so he also unloaded the dishwasher, the domestic tasks were calming and he was only drawn out of it as the door opened with a sigh. The sound of shoes being kicked away reached his ears and he looked around at the chaos of plates and pans on the kitchen surface. Oops.

"Um, I know you enjoy cleaning but you really didn't have to do my dishwasher."

"Yeah, sorry, just wanted to say thanks you know."

"It's ok, I appreciate the gesture." He set down two bags of shopping on the table and they both fell into putting stuff away, Harry seemingly knowing where Louis would keep his mugs, plates, cutlery. They moved around each other seamlessly until everything was done.

"Would you like a bagel?"

"Yeah, thanks."

"It's ok," it wasn't awkward as Harry sat at the kitchen table in a seat noticeably more comfortable than his cheap ones. As Louis buttered the bagel Harry noticed he was humming, probably an attempt to fill the silence. He had always been good at singing and the younger boy noted he had improved since he last heard Louis sing. Soon blue eyes were meeting his as they handed over a warm bagel and they levelled his own as the man sat opposite him. 

They chatted quietly about how they had been and their Uni courses, if they were still in touch with old friends. The usual stuff.

"So, how are you? Sleep ok?"

"Yeah thanks, you have a lovely sofa," Harry smiled softly, taking a small bite of his bagel, "this is great, thank you."

"It's no problem, honeslty."

They finished their breakfast in silence, neither would have described it as awkward, but not neccessarily comfortable either. Noticing both had finished, Louis grabed the plates, trying to prevent the noisy clanks as he dropped them into the sink. Having had enough of the quiet he moved to grab his phone, looking to Harry, "what music are you into these days then?"

"Uh, pretty similar to what we used to like, the old stuff and new but mostly similar genres. Put whatever on, I'll probably like it."

Nodding, Louis put on his playlist, a mix of their past favourites and some new stuff he had discovered. 

"Have anything planned today?"

"Not really, Zayn is visiting his family so I figured I would have a slow one."

"Nice, uh, wanna do something?" the words fell quickly from Louis' mouth,

"With you?" Harry smirked, diverting his eyes to the other side of the room.

"Yes dumbass, with me. Not if you don't want to. I can drive you home if that's better," doubt was heavy in his words now.

"I'd love to." the tall man got up playfully, "where are you taking me then?"

"Oh, well, cinema?"

"Boring."

Louis huffed, "of course it is. Right, I'll suprise you then. You have 15 minutes to be ready.

That 15 minutes was spent mostly Louis assisting Harry in finding what he needed to get ready, but finally they were stepping outside and into the chilled air. As they headed for the tube, Harry pestered Louis with questions about where they were going.

"Is it a forest?"

"Nope."

"Restaurant?"

"No."

"If I say it will you tell me?"

"Nah."

He sighed and settled into step next to the smaller man. "You're annoying,"

"I pride myself on it."

Before long they were stepping out into Greenwhich, wind pushing them closer together.

"Warm enough?" Harry breathed into Louis' ear, causing him to shiver.

"Yeah, c'mon."

Louis walked them towards a large bulding, the dim sky behind it framing the walls and colours delicately. A large dome was visible and each looked on closely, observing the place.

Harry walked towards a small sign, "Royal Observatory? A planetarium?"

"Yep, good enough?" a smile played on his lips, knowing full well Harry would love it.

"Yes! Oh my gosh, let's go." He started off powerfully striding towards the doors to get in.

They spent half the day learning about the history of the place and about space, jumping at the opportunity to learn how to use a telescope. Parts of the talks were interesting and had them both hooked, other parts not so, and they were forced to mumble to each other, stifling giggles at the back of a crowd. After grabbing a quick lunch they sat down in the domed planeterium for the show they had booked. It was mesmerising, the galaxy projected before them in a blend of blues and purples, the different shades merging together and shining out at them. The stars reflected their wide expressions as their eyes struggled to take it all in.

Harry couldn't help but sneak a look at Louis. Equally captivated by the way his skin glowed in the light of the projection, blue eyes illuminated. The images above changed and a bright star must have moved over them because Louis was now in a soft spotlight. His features were accentuated and it hit Harry rather slowly and all at once.

He had really missed him. Really seriously missed this man. For so long he had completely locked Louis out of his mind, his name, his voice, his face. The things that remined him of the smaller man he had ignored, even losing contact with a lot of their mutual friends.

Sitting next to him now, on a day out after 6 years of nothing. He couldn't deny there was still issues between them, as little as he could deny he wanted to stay next to him for the forseeable future. _Talk to him._

Louis shifted in his seat and Harry refocused on the Universe before him.

In turn Louis turned his focus to Harry, the gentle contours of his face basked in the light from above. It was a lot. A lot to be here with him right now, after 6 years of forcing anything to do with the man as far away as possible. After 6 years of trying to run away he now wanted to get as close as possible. It burnt inside, confusion and emotion tearing him apart. _Talk to him._

 

I’m his heart he knew he should, he wanted too. It was just too soon, too new and overwhelming to dive into that right now. He couldn’t judge the depth from here, and that scared him.


	10. Chapter 10

Dull lines of sickly light fell onto Louis’ bed when he woke from his nightmare. This was becoming too regular for his preference and his heart rate was uncomfortably fast for his lack of movement.

Swiging his heavy limbs from under the duvet he sat up, rubbing his eyes softly. He had discovered a warm drink of something, normally tea helped when this happened. Quietly slipping towards the kitchen he passed through the sitting room.

Harry's motionless body caused him to pause and stare. Taking in his long limbs curled under the small blanket.

Once they had left the Observatory they had gone for a drink, and after the alcohol took over neither had considered Harry going back to his own place for the night. He had ended up on the sofa again and this wasn't so appealing to Louis waking up from the dreams that plagued him. 

"Couldn’t sleep?” The deep, raspy voice startled Louis.

”Sorry, I thought you were asleep. Uh not really. You ok?”

”Yeah, can’t sleep either, but I’m fine.”

“Oh ok,” he pushed his hair out his face slowly,

“Come with me?”

”Hm?”

”To bed. Just to sleep. It’s cold is all.”

Harry turned on the sofa, it squeaked beneath him,

“You sure?”

Louis nodded in response, moving slowly back to the bedroom.

At first, they tensley kept to opposite sides of the bed, but soon after Louis slipped into an exhausted slumber he turned to curl into Harry’s frame. The broader boy enveloped the slighter softly, falling into sleep alongside him.

* * *

 

Harry woke first, sighing deeply as he felt the warmth of the small body next to him.

As if this was a reality, it was a stark contrast to two days ago. 

He felt movement by his side and looked to Louis lowering his head and falling into Harry's broad chest. Breathing in the smell he mumbled, “morning."

"I can't hear you love," Harry chuckled as he moved to nudge Louis' head upwards with the pad of his thumb.

”Goodmorning,” 

"To you too, would you like a tea?" he began to get up but Louis reached out to grasp his t-shirt, "stay for a bit."

A broad grin spread across Harry's face as he snuggled back under the duvet, enveloping Louis in his arms, listening to his increasingly steady breathing. It didn't take long for the smaller boy to fall back asleep, exhausted by the weekend. Harry moved his hand to Louis' small wrist, feeling for his pulse. It was faint but steady, his thumb moving over the area softly. When he was sure enough time had passed, he carefully and slowly manoeuvred out of bed, watching fondly as Louis curled into the space he left behind. He made his way to the kitchen and put on the kettle, thinking to himself as it boiled. _Can we really do this? Fall back into each other like we once were, no bad feelings?  God this is all too fast._ He rested his head in his hands, leaning against the counter. Silence meant the kettle was done, _1,2,3,4,5,6,7 and 8, and 9, 10 to fif, teen._ He repeated the sequence slowly and then lifted the Yorkshire tea bag out, a small splash of milk and it was perfect. _Still got it._ Harry smiled proudly to himself as he walked back into the bedroom, setting the mug down gently by Louis' side of the bed. Reaching down to feel his wrist again he noticed a much faster pulse,

"I know you're awake, and no I can't get back in bed, in case you had forgotten, it's Monday."

A soft "fuck," came from Louis' direction and he sat up slowly,

"What time?"

"Twenty to 9,"

Louis groaned, "I said I'd meet Liam at 9, I need to shower and it will take at least half an hour to get to the storage."

Harry raised an eyebrow, "Liam? I need to be at work in half an hour so count yourself lucky."

Louis slowly grinned smugly, "Yeah, he’s my best mate, helps manage the shop too. Count _yourself_ lucky, it can only be about 15 minutes to your work from here, you won't be that late."

"Still late! You better get in the shower, I'm ok, I have my shirt and jeans which aren't that dirty, Joyce will have to deal, I don't have any appointments anyway."

"Slow down, I'm guessing Joyce is your boss or something? She won't care, or tell her you had to help a distressed man on the way in." He mocked himself and got up to get in the shower, walking with such sass only Louis Tomlinson could possibly have.

Shaking his head Harry started to get dressed, stealing some of Louis' body spray in an attempt to smell of something other than sex and sleep. He went to shout that he was leaving only to realise had no idea of how to get to the tube from here, _shit._ Sitting down on the bed in defeat he waited for Louis to get out of the shower, smiling as he listened to him singing something awful from the other room.

Soon enough Louis was done, he came back with damp tousled hair and a towel wrapped dangerously low on his waist, exposing his toned chest and smooth skin. "Oh, you alright? Couldn't bear to leave me eh?" There were hints of doubt in his witty comments as he turned to pull on some clothes. Whilst in the shower he had thought about how things were going to be between them now, sure they had talked about what had happened, and they had forgiven each other, _I think,_ but Harry wouldn't have stayed if he hadn't, surely, and he had been nothing but nice to Louis the whole weekend. _Fuck_ , they had spent the whole weekend together. Louis was in way too deep with his one, he had always been in too deep with Harry, he couldn't even see land he was so out of his depth.

"I realised I don't know really where I am, or how to get to the tube from here, so I thought I better ask seeing as we both know I have a pretty crap sense of direction.

 _You do_ , Louis thought and turned to smile at Harry, now dressed more appropriately in a jumper and jeans, much to Harry's disappointment.

"I can take you, Liam will have his car so it'll be ok if I get the train, save some petrol money."

Harry nodded, trying to banish the thoughts of what he wanted to do to towel dressed Louis, mumbling a thank you as he followed Louis outside.

"So, what do you actually work as now? Also, I don't know about you but I'm starving so can we pop into Pret on the way?"

"I'm late already so why not, I could do with some food, and I'm an interior designer/architect sort of thing, I mainly help people with extension designs and have done some full house plans as well, I enjoy it."

"Ah, I see, Photography just on the side then?"

"Unfortunately yeah, I'm gonna take you up on the offer of showing my photos though if it still stands?"

"Of course it does, if they're anything half as good as they used to be then I'm sure it'll take off once someone smart sees them."

"Thanks, but I'm not so sure, I guess you have to try though. Do you do anything other than Art now?"

"No, I used to work at a recording studio but nothing big, then I managed to be successful in the crazy world of it, and people actually wanted my stuff."

"Congrats Louis, you deserve it."

"Well, I like to think I worked hard enough at it."

"You will have done, how is your mum, and your sisters?"

"Good, yeah they're all good, probably miss you more than me." He laughed as he turned to Harry, his eyes crinkling at the edges and his blue eyes glowing.

"Me? They probably don't even remember me, have you not seen them in a while then?" He couldn't help himself from grinning back at Louis as they walked side by side.

"No I saw them two weeks ago I think, and Lottie is in London anyway, I never had the heart to tell them what really happened though, or what I thought did, just said you had gone to Uni and so we decided distance wasn't going to work or some bullshit like that, but yeah so they always ask after you, say they just 'absolutely have to have you round for cake and a catch up sometime'." He was now looking down, ashamed of himself.

"It's ok, I'd love to see them anyway, miss them too- especially your mum and her cakes, I never told mine either, said we had just split and left it at that. They ask after you too sometimes." He spoke softly, not a trace of anger in his steady voice.

"Really? I'd love to see them too. God, we're both pretty pathetic."

"That we are."

They turned into Pret and paused their conversation as the bustle of Monday morning whirled around them, losing each other as they searched for the food and drink they wanted.

Once Harry had paid he walked outside to wait for Louis. It wasn't awkward between them, not one bit. It unsettled him a little, you didn't normally fall back into step with someone so fast. He had spent 6 years hating the man and in the space of a weekend, he was sleeping over, making him tea and walking to work with him. _What the fuck?_ He had never been able to stay away from Louis when he was around, never been able to resist him. He sighed and watched as his breath faded in the morning chill, leaning against the hard wall of Pret and closing his eyes. _Are we aiming for a friendship? There's clearly still a lot of sexual attraction, damnit. I still love him for fuck's sake._

"Ahem," Louis coughed from beside him, "ready to go Mr.?"

"Yeah, lets."

"What did you get?"

"Just a breakfast cereal mix thing and a smoothie, you?"

"Sandwich, fruit and a juice. Probably won't have time to eat anything until this evening."

"Louis! You need to, take 20 minutes to grab a snack dumbass, I'm sure whatever you're doing will survive. What are you actually doing?"

Louis feigned hurt as he clutched his chest, "I do not have a dumb ass! I'll have you know it's possibly my best feature, although I think you are very secure in that knowledge already."He smirked at Harry's reddening cheeks before carrying on, "I'm moving my pieces from storage into the shop, praying they aren't damaged in any way."

"Uh, they'll probably be absolutely fine, wouldn't worry."

"In reality, I'm not really, the thought always lingers though but Liam recommended the place and he's pretty trustworthy."

"Don't strain your back or anything, be careful."

"Are you suggesting I am in any way, not capable Harry?"

"Of course not, the thought always lingers eh?"

"You're cheeky and annoying, shame we have to get the train together, here it is, got your ticket?"

"Yep, let's go."

They made it through the turnstiles and down to their tube platform without any hassle, the odd joke or tease every now and then encouraging nervous flutters in their stomachs. 6 years had passed since they had spent a day like this, only laughter and smiles between them. Luckily for them both, the tube was crowded, as usual, and so they had to squeeze closely together, chests pressed so warmly they could feel each other's heartbeat. The 3 stops they had to wait until Harry left felt like a lifetime and simaltaneously 30 seconds, agonizingly long and over too quick. Shuffling around other passengers hesitantly the taller man managed to safely make it out of the train, directing a small wave at Louis as he walked away, smiling smugly to himself. Louis was flushed as he watched him go, the feeling of Harry's lips on his ear, breath warm as he muttered a goodbye still present, tingling strongly. His eyes trailed Harry's never-ending legs as he climbed the stairs, seeing them disappear as his train continued to move on to the next stop.

* * *

 

"You're late. May I inquire as to why?" Harry's boss was leaning against his office door, having heard the door jingle, how he cursed that bell. Coming face to face with her his face reddened slightly but there wasn't much he could do about it now and so he tried to stay confident.

"Uh, hectic morning Joyce, had to help a few people out, I'm really sorry, it's never happened before and won't again. You know me, I wouldn't have if it wasn't important."

"Hm, it's alright, I'll forgive you since I love you but let's not have this conversation again ok?" She raised an eyebrow and he expression softened, turning to move back towards her own office.

"You got it, don't worry." Harry sighed as he slumped into his office chair, at least that was over, and she hadn't commented on his slightly work sloppy attire so that was good. It was almost funny, the whole situation, almost surreal, some sort of dream. He couldn't work out whether it was a nightmare though, was it all going to end in anger and pain like last time, _shit_ was this gang going to come back? He hadn't even thought about the fucking gang. If they had really done what they thought they must be dangerous? Louis had seemed so calm about it, _speak to him._ Not doing so had torn them apart for 6 years before, communication. That's what they needed to work on. He was reaching for his phone almost immediately, going to the phone icon and- _I don't have Louis' number._ It was just as well, seeing as he really did need to stop dwelling on this and start working, he could speak to Louis anytime, plus, this wasn't an urgent issue. Harry did spend the rest of his day working, working and zoning out, losing his thoughts as they escaped to focus on Louis until he snapped back into working. His lunch break came after an eternity and he left to get a coffee. As he walked he tried to take in his surroundings, observe the different structures of the trees, the people walking underneath their branches and the children looking up into those branches in awe. He was like that once, a wide-eyed child with nothing to lose and a fascination with exploration. He wished he still had that motivation, that energy.

His short daydream was interrupted as collided with someone.

”Shit, oh I’m so sorry!” He focused on bleach blonde hair and a small guy,

“S’alright mate, long day eh?” His Irish accent was a surprise as he studied Harry,

“Uh yeah, yeah sorry.” He almost felt uncomfortable, normally he was good with people, probably lack of sleep.

”No worries, you have a good day.” The Irish man flashed a smile as he walked away, his direct address unsettling Harry a little. Odd.

It was a small encounter, nothing out of the ordinary, just a slightly weird guy in London, not that shocking really.

Carrying on, Harry bought lunch and made it back to work with no other issues, nothing to worry about.

* * *

 

Louis met Liam at the storage facilities where he had been keeping his pieces, hopefully securely. By the time he got there, Liam had opened the place up and had begun loading it into his car.

”Hey,” Louis approached him slowly,

”Oh, he turns up! And the holdup today is? Actually let me guess, maybe you saw someone at the coffee shop who got you a drink and it was love at first sight, of course then you just had to spend the morning together getting married?” Exasperation and a hint of humour leaking through Liam’s voice,

”I am really sorry mate, I had to help someone out, I really really appreciate this and it was a dick thing for me to do turning up late. I don’t deserve you.”

“You don’t, now get some of this in your car, where is it? Oh god, you didn’t bring your fucking car! You really don’t deserve me. I’m a fucking angel.”

Louis decided to agree as he started to lift the large, heavily wrapped works into the car.

They worked until late afternoon, making several trips back and forth to the shop, carefully setting things up whilst there. Louis panicking about locks every time they left, being overly relieved when they came back and everything was fine. At around 4 they made their last trip, handing the keys back at storage and setting up the last stands, hanging the last of the smaller pieces.

Standing back to admire their work in the low sun, they shared a look,

”It’s really bloody good Louis, it looks amazing. I’m so proud of you man.”

Louis let out a whistling breath before replying,

“Thanks, Liam, I’m proud of myself too, I really couldn’t have done it without your help though. Throughout all this, since I first met you, you’ve got me this far.”

“You’re the one with the talent Tommo. Give yourself some credit, but I wouldn’t change the last couple years for the world, they’ve been amazing.”

“Yeah, they have.”

They stood together in silence for a minute until a sniffle from Louis caused both to focus again.

“Aw mate, it’s been a heavy couple of weeks, ha don’t know what’s got into me, just, you can lose things pretty quickly you know? I hope we don’t lose this, that I don’t lose you, just want you to know. I really appreciate you yeah?”

Liams eyes softened as he replied,

“I love you too mate, you won’t lose it, or me, anytime soon ok?”

“Yeah, yeah I know,” Louis moved forward to meet Liam, who was opening his arms to hug the small man.

“C’mon,” he rubbed him on the back, “you need a coffee.”


	11. Chapter 11

Liam and Louis walked into the coffee shop laughing, smiles reflecting everywhere they looked. The baristas were happy to see them and as they sat down together, anyone who walked past couldn’t help but grin upon hearing their happy voices. The leather booths they sunk into seemed to embrace their company, music dancing gently around them. 

“You’ve been in an awfully good mood today Louis, what’s up?”

”Why does something have to be up my good friend? Can’t I be having a good day?”

”Hm yes, but it’s you,” Liam smirked as Louis feigned hurt.

”Whatever about me? Gosh, and here I was thinking I had a wonderful friend.” 

“Oh, oh it’s a boy, isn’t it! Louis, has, a little crush, you’re blushing! Ha!” 

“Liam James Payne!”

”Oh spill the beans, Tommo.”

”I may have met a someone,” Louis' voice was coy as he thought about Harry, and how he had said goodbye on the train. 

“Well well well, now you need to tell me about this someone I do believe.”

”Well, he’s tall, kind, good in bed.” 

“Aren’t they all! Tell me about him, Louis, really about him.”

”Really _about_ him eh?” 

“You know what the fuck I mean, c’mon,” 

Louis took a moment to think, he could tell Liam about Harry, he would, whether to tell the short or long story though, that was the question. 

“Y’know the uh, ‘friend’ I saw a couple weeks ago, bruises guy?” 

Liam’s eyes became immediately sceptical, “Thankfully not personally, but I remember. Sure you wanna talk about it now? I know you said it was a lot for you.” 

“Yeah, yeah I am. He may have stayed at mine over the weekend," he smirked but his eyes gave away his nervousness, "right so, we met in college, he was a photography and design student and I was art and design so our paths crossed a bit, we hit it off from the start but got really close in the second year. Really close. Summer after exams we didn’t have many plans, just wanted to be together really. We spent it touring Europe pretty much. A festival and concerts thing, we had joked about it in the first year and decided to make it happen. I can’t tell you the number of shitty places we stayed but it was the best year of my life. In the end, last concert, some stuff from my past came up and we fell out big time, we didn’t speak for 6 years, until a few weeks ago.” 

“Fuck Louis, how the hell does that even happen? Sounds like something out of a movie.” 

“Yeah, any way you can imagine the shock, seeing him again. I hated him, so much, I didn’t know you could hate like that. There was a lot of, uh, sexual tension left over though, and so we may have, ‘hit it off?’ again? We have talked, about everything, and I see both our mistakes."

“Louis, wow. Do you still like, love him? Or is this just a platonic thing?”

”I don't know Liam. Fuck. I think I do, love him, or am at least into him still if how I feel after the weekend is anything to go by,”

”He seems like a special guy then, what’s his name, what's he like?” 

Liam knew Louis well enough to trust him, he appreciated Louis’ honesty and didn’t want to press that too much. 

“Harry. Tall, so much taller, dark slightly curly hair, such good bone structure, he has these, green eyes that, just seem to glow, and tattoos, a slow, low voice that is so captivating. He’s funny, so kind, passionate about everything that means anything to him, dimples that light up his face when he smiles, oh and talented, he is so skilled at what he does, a good listener, but also knows how to speak, how to make people want to listen, smart! He is so knowledgeable and you can have such a good conversation with him, but smart in the sense of life as well, mature. He’s lovely.”

”You are so fucking whipped oh my god Louis.” 

“I’m in way over my head, I don’t even know how he feels! I mean it’s been 6 years, he probably just thinks I’m a good fuck. Actually no, he’s better than that, thinks more of people.”

”You have to speak to him, seriously Louis, I don’t know what happened but it was obviously awful, it sounds as if communication has sorted it? Sounds as if it has, and probably could have all those years ago too! Don’t let it hold you back again.”

”Alright smart arse, I get the picture. I will talk to him.” 

“Good, chase what you want Louis, that’s what got you here.”

”You’re right. You’re the best, you know that mate?” 

“Of course!” They broke out of the seriousness of the surrounding air and smiled at each other, relief at having talked to someone beaming out of Louis.

"Your love life then Payne, I want to know all about that girl you met the other week.

Liam's grin seemed to widen evermore and he took off, chatting about the mysterious Lily endlessly. Their conversation continued and they were talking about everything and nothing, browsing their social media, the news, laughing over something from a year ago, and excitedly discussing their future plans. It wasn’t long before the clock struck 5:30, and both realised they should probably get going. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” 

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world Tommo, have a good evening.” 

“Bye mate,” Louis stood as Liam left, casually making his way towards the toilet, tapping his fingers to map out a beat in his head.

He was calm until he stepped into the loo, his heart then speeding up, mind racing. He was confused but knew something was wrong, or off. He couldn’t place it and, decided he was being silly as he walked up to the mirror. It was there he noticed a blonde head, nothing out of the ordinary until he remembered that shade of blonde, the way it was styled. 

_Niall._

Louis slowly turned, stumbling backwards. He needed to leave, now, without a fuss. 

“Louis? I thought I recognised you when I popped in! How funny, seeing you after all these years.” His Irish accent unnervingly calm, cutting through the air, each syllable seemingly longer than it should have been.

“Niall, so cool seeing you too, probably see you around, have a good evening!” Louis’ words were the opposite of Niall's, they were fast and nervous, as he backed towards the door. 

“Didn’t need anything in the toilet then Louis?”

”Oh, ha no, just, wrong door.” 

“Easy mistake! How about we have a coffee, a catch-up?” 

“Mate, so sorry, just um, I’m in a bit of a rush this evening, yeah look I think, another time?” 

“Where have you got to get to?”

”Uh, oh just a, a personal thing really!” 

“Right, are you sure you don’t want that coffee though. Louis.” His tone had turned darker, threatening.

_Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck._

”I really, need to go, honestly, great seeing you though mate.” 

"Not so fast shortie." Before he could move Louis was pinned against the wall, head smacking against the grimy tiles. "Living the high life I see. Opening an art shop." Niall pulled the small promotion flyer from his jeans pocket. He repeated the words written on it, breath hot against Louis' skin, making him squirm. "So you're an artist now, can't believe that slipped our knowledge for so long huh? Always did act like you were better than us." He paused for a minute, then turned to spit onto Louis' shoes.

"It's no coincidence I'm here. Just thought you should know, see we're the same you and me." Niall traced a finger up Louis' neck, watching goosebumps trail the touch.

"We're nothing alike, I wasn't better than you then, I am now. I'm not a murderer." The words were harsh whispers, cut off quickly by a palm wrapping around his throat. It pressed heavily on his neck, preventing oxygen from reaching his linhsc which were now gasping at nothing. Louis struggled silently, trying to escape the pressure on his airway, desperate to breathe again. It seemed hours of Nislls eyes boring into his own, a lifetime of mocking remarks and laughs as Louis neared passing out, finally the aggressive man ending the torture.

"Watch your mouth." It was a clear threat, no hiding Niall's temptation to harm him. "I'll see you around eh?"

Releasing the brown-haired man from his grip he left quickly, the door swinging behind him, turning his back to Louis slumping towards the ground. Face red and sore throat gasping.

After regaining his breath and fighting his instinct to run as long as he could he forced himself onto unsteady legs. Walking away from the small room, it had become suffocating in the last few minutes. How had all of the people from his past come to haunt him in the past month? This must be some kind of sick prank. 

Niall, why would they send Niall, he probably volunteered. Sounds like him. Did he know where he lived, Liam, Harry? Oh god. 

He fumbled in his pocket for his phone, hitting Liam’s number impatiently as he blindly walked down the road at a rapid pace. He lifted the phone to his ear as he turned nervously to check he wasn’t being followed. Jesus. No answer. God Liam, he sent him a text and left a voicemail, now turning his attention to Harry, figuring he could get home by train easiest, and it would be harder for someone to follow him on the tube. _Shit_ , he didn't have Harry's number. Email?

Heading towards the Underground he figured he must have looked deranged, not a minute passed before he had looked around wildly again, his legs moving him as fast as possible without running. He knew if he began to run he would make himself obvious to anyone who was looking. Jesus _was_ anyone looking?

He wasn’t thinking as he moved, terror numbing his mind. All he knew was fear, nothing was processing.

He made it down to the tube and lept onto the most crowded carriage he could find, which wasn't hard considering it was the London Underground at rush hour. Clutching the handle too close to someone else he racked his brains. Sweaty fingers pounded at the bright screen, sending an email that made no sense and was a jumble of phrases to Harry's work email.

Empty thoughts he needed to think flew threw his brain.

Niall was in London, he had obviously sought out Louis, he was probably trying to bring him some harm and the people he loved, he knew about the shop and the opening. _Tomorrow._ Fuck. Should he call the police? They would tell him not to worry, and if he stitched up the gang, that didn't bear thinking about. Could he cancel the opening? His sponsors and partners would be there though, they would have travelled for this and had scheduled they counted on, most would only be able to do tomorrow. Letting them down would mean some potentially backing out, and less support when interested business' approached him. The safety of his friends though? He could make this work, all he needed was some security. That was a solvable problem, it would be fine.

He got out at his stop and made his way out of the station, walking towards his street. He had taken to insulting Niall and everyone he thought was involved in his mind. It was he only thing he could do to prevent his heart from stopping and his eyes from giving into the blackness behind them, to slow the sweat pooling in his lower back and his jaw aching as he grinder his teeth subconsciously.  He was getting closer to home now, and so more wary of everyone around him. That was when he noticed a tall, broad figure at what he recognised as _his_ door.

 _What the hell?_ He backed up until he was against the cold brick wall.

Had they really just sent someone to beat him up, or kill him? Get it over with he guessed, had he really caused them that much hassle? _Oh god oh god fuck fuck fuck._

He could go to Liam's, no, he couldn't put that responsibility on him, and endanger him, his roommates who barely even knew Louis. Harry?

It would be inappropriate, and he would put him in danger. On the other hand, Harry would understand the gravity of the situation so wouldn't do anything stupid, and he lived far enough away that he could lose anyone on the way. In reality, it was the safest option.

 _Just go to a hotel._ But he didn't have enough money on him for that, and his card was at home. Why the fuck was his card at home? _Stupid Louis, so so stupid._

He was starting to shiver, the cold air descending on him with the blackness. Louis had never been so grateful for street lights, staying hidden in the darkness behind them as he thought. The sound of his heart was loud in his head, he was terrified, blood pumping through his veins as he struggled to breath quietly, gasping involuntarily every so often. Louis felt light-headed as he heard footsteps. They grew louder and louder as they got closer, each noise like a slap to the face. Their shadow began to climb the opposite wall, a long coat apparent. _No, no no no, please._ Then they were walking past and Louis could almost taste his relief when he recognised one of his neighbours.

 _This is your opportunity, get away._ His brain screamed at him as he realised his neighbour would distract the man at his door. Pulling the hood of his jacket up, he slipped out of the shadows when the familiar clang of the metal stairs bounced off the hard walls. He hoped he stayed mostly out of sight and as soon as he got to the end of the street he began to run, energy willing his feet to move faster as he headed for the Underground for the 3rd time. Everything was happening so fast, too fast. It seemed only minutes ago he was laughing with Liam,  _please let him be safe, please, please._ The light and warmth of the tube were, for once, welcoming. He raced down the steps and scanned his card, moving towards the station and line he needed. Once on the platform, he scanned the few people around him, attempting to remember their faces as he tried to slow down his breathing. The sound of doors opening snapped him into focus,  he stepped into the carriage, counting the number of stops he had. Repeating the sequence in his head he calmed down, working out a plan. How to put Harry in as little danger as possible.

He could just sit outside? Too obvious.

He could ask to stay the night, explain the situation? But if there was anyone around they would know Harry.

He could stay at the bottom of the apartments, that way he could get to Harry quickly if he needed help, but wouldn't put him in direct danger. _Good plan_. It wasn't.

Doubt was strong in his mind, a million things could go wrong. He could fall asleep and someone would kill him, he could freeze and get ill, or die, he could get mugged, or attacked by someone other than from the gang. 

Harry would be safe though.

He had pretty much made the decision as he wandered in the direction of Harry's. There was no one around and he was pretty sure he would hear anyone, exhaustion and stress preventing him from running, which would draw attention to him anyway.

When he got to Harry's block he settled on a nearby patch of grass, it hadn't rained recently so would be dry and softer than the pavement. He was mostly shadowed and curled up as small as he could, trying to trap warmth.  His breath was clear in the air, a grey steam against the dark backdrop, orange illuminating parts of the area like spotlights. The shivering began first, his jacket rustling frantically, then his teeth that just wouldn't quiet, his breaths followed by the murmur of a gasp. His eyelids threatened to drop and his back was beginning to ache, bones rubbing together and tense muscles starting to cramp. _Oh god oh god._ He needed to get up but that was dangerous, _think, think of something, distract yourself. Tomorrow it will be light and will warm up again, you can go home and that guy will have gone and, no. Tomorrow._ Tomorrow was opening day. He couldn't turn up looking like he had slept outside in the mud! Regardless of whether that may be the truth or not, he could not turn up like that.

He internally groaned, trying to drown out the sound of his jaw in his head. This was stupid, he couldn't stay here all night, looking at his phone he saw it was only 7:45. He could leave in the middle of the night, give the guy a few hours to leave. Surely they wouldn't stay all night? They couldn't.

His mind fell into the gang. He had been immature, he had wanted to be friends with the 'cool kids' more than anything. His poor mum had had to put up with a lot, he almost chuckled thinking about how she had dealt with him then, she was such a legend. What with all the children and minimal outside support though, she couldn't have prevented him slipping into the gang. Louis barely realised what it was when he first 'joined'. He had thought it was a cool group of friends who had cooler, older friends they hung out with after school. He now understood they had sought him out not because they had liked him, but because they knew he was young, lonely, desperate and impressionable. They had manipulated him into thinking they had god status in the small town. He did all their dirty work, everything they couldn't be bothered to do, even got them tea. Once he had 'proved' himself loyal to them they began to trust him with slightly larger things. Until they let him in on their big mission. They had a rival gang, one of theirs had betrayed them and joined the others, giving up all the secrets and plans, providers and links. They wanted him dead. Wiped out so he couldn't tell their rivals anything else. Louis had found this out on the day it was happening, whilst he was waiting with his 'friends' to 'meet' someone. He didn't know they were planning to surprise him and batter him to death right in front of Louis.

They had let him be there for two reasons. He helped them blend in since he was just a kid, they could use this against him permanently, he would have to stay with the gang into adulthood because leaving with that type of knowledge was not acceptable. It had seriously messed him up, he had run as soon as it started, as fast as he could away from it. He had seen enough though, enough to throw up when his legs gave out, chest heaving as he retched, sobs depriving him of air as he fought to calm down. He had had nightmares for so long after, they had only really stopped when he went to college, started a fresh, met Harry. 

He didn’t see the gang for a month after the attack, they didn’t stop sending him messages though, at first they were lovely, surprisingly caring, asking if he was ok, treating him like family. When he didn’t reply, and he didn’t meet up they became more threatening. He couldn’t bring himself to go near the place though. 

Eventually, he went back, after a harsh ‘talk’ and weeks of silence they began treating him as normal. Not that Louis had a grasp on normal anymore. 

When his mum had told him they had to move again, he was so relieved, but the thought of telling the gang terrified him, he couldn’t explain the fear that had followed him for the next week, the way his heartbeat increased when he stepped outside, how he had to take a break in lessons to prevent a panic attack after someone related to the gang had looked at him.

He told the only person in the gang he really trusted after that week of terror.  Unfortunately, he soon learnt they weren’t to be trusted and ended up facing the head of his area sooner than expected. Telling him, he had almost pissed himself. He had grovelled and promised to keep shut, said all sorts of things he didn’t fully understand. Tried to reason, saying he was only a kid, didn’t have a choice, had to take care of his family. 

Louis had almost choked when the head had agreed to let him go. Had agreed to let him leave, under certain conditions.

Obviously, he could never tell anyone, if he did they would know and his whole family would suffer for it. If they ever saw him again, near their areas, enjoying himself, they would crush that happiness, as a reminder. Finally that he would be branded, so he could join no other gang. 

After thanking the head immensely, practically crying at his feet, he regained some dignity. 

Hours later he had managed to plead and persuade them to tattoo his foot, for his family’s sake. They had agreed and the crest on his heel had left him mostly unbothered.

He left there for the last time that day, limping lightly away. Scarred not only physically but mentally, but he had his life and what be believed as his freedom. 

It had been Niall that had killed the man. Ruthlessly beat him to death with a club. Louis would never forget, but he had moved on. 

It was this thought that was interrupted by rapidly approaching footsteps, and another shadow growing against the orange glow.  

* * *

Harry was incredibly bored and cold, throat sore from breathing in frozen air. _What I do to return socks._ He mocked himself in his mind, knowing he wanted more than to just return some socks. The light of his phone was too bright as he impatiently refreshed social media, anything to amuse him. That was when an email notification hung down from the top of the screen. Eager to read something moved his fingers, numb as they hit the image inaccurately.

He saw it was from Louis' work email and a small grin tugged at his lips, maybe it was something for tomorrow? Scanning the letters with tired eyes his expression dropped,

_Gang back here saw one dont know what to do. am trying to go home stay safe please i dont have your numver but email me back. im sorry._

The grammar was poor and words misspelt, showing the rush in which they had been typed. Going home? Harry had been standing outside the apartment for a good half an hour, this was sent 17 minutes ago. It didn't take them more than 15 to get into central London this morning. He looked around but the darkness concealed most of his surroundings, the streetlamps not illuminating who he desperately wanted to see. Turning the other way so fast he almost strained a muscle as he searched for the source of the sound of feet he had heard. They clanked on the metal stairs behind him and he looked down, seeing blue dyed hair making it's way towards him. Impatiently he waited for them and then rushed over.

"Do you know a Louis Tomlinson?"

"Uh yeah, he's my neighbour, nice guy." Harry's face softened at the comment but soon returned to worried,

"Yeah, have you seen him at all today?"

"Nah sorry mate, you alright? I can always pass a message on if you want?"

"Ok ok, no don't worry, but thank you. Have a good evening."

Racing down the steps he jumped two at a time, running towards the tube. He opened the internet on his phone as he moved, bringing up Louis' website, looking for a number. There was one listed, a mobile by the looks of it. He called it, praying it picked up. After a few year long rings, there was a crackle and a low voice,

"Hello?"

"Uh hi, who is this?"

"I'm Liam, I manage Louis' shop at the moment, is there anything I can help you with?"

"Liam? Liam, have you seen Louis today?" His tone was desperate.

"Sorry, do I know you? Do you know Louis personally?"

"God um I'm Harry, I do know him yes, I'm actually a bit worried him. He mentioned you this morning, that you were meeting? When did you last see him?"

"Oh, oh Harry. Harry, Harry who stayed the weekend Harry?"

"Uh yeah, that would be me."

"Well hello, Harry. Few words before we carry on, you leave any more bruises on him like you did a few weeks ago and I promise I'll give you worse ones. We clear?"

"Shit, yes, yeah we're clear, I'm really sorry. Seriously though have you heard from him recently?"

"I left him at the coffee shop a few hours ago, he was fine, in a good mood. I did miss a call about half an hour ago from him but I was finishing some work. Why are you worried?"

"Can you call him? Or give me his number? He sent me an email and something has come up, some person who doesn't want him around. He sounded pretty freaked out, mentioned he was on his way home but I've been at his because I wanted to return some socks for the last 45 minutes-ish and he hasn't come. He sent the email like 20 minutes ago?"

"I do have a similar text from him, asking if I'm ok? Right, I'm going to call him, where are you going now?"

"Back to mine, see if I can look a few things up."

"Ok? Is that going to help?"

"I think so yeah."

"Right, I'm going to call him. He's probably fine but to be on the safe side yeah? I'll call you back if he doesn't answer."

"Ok, thanks, Liam."

"Yeah, bye mate. Call me if you find anything useful."

The line went dead and Harry took a deep breath. Louis would be fine, he was overreacting. Nonetheless, his heart didn't slow down the whole way home.

 


	12. Chapter 12

_You're fine, you're hidden, why would they look this way, breathe._

However he was not only frozen with fear but also the weather, and his body wasn't cooperating. This meant the sound of his jacket moving with his shaking chest seemed to grow louder than his heartbeat as the man neared. Taking a breath he attempted to still for a moment, but this was too much and a murmur escaped him. 

The footsteps stopped, and the figure turned towards him.

"Hello?"

The voice was low and threatening, syllables drawn out slowly.

Louis almost squeaked, terror coursing through him. _Run._ He moved to get up, chilled muscles protesting as he began to move, faster. He needed to get to Harry's, that man looked as if he could run for days, and he was not that fit. Stairs, stairs, pounding feet against the metal rang in his ears, forcing the breath out of him in quick gasps. Heavier footsteps following.

"Louis!" That was, that was Harry. Could he see him?

Louis lifted his head as he ran, where was he?

"Louis wait!" Slightly breathless now, and behind him. That was behind him.

He reached the next flight that turned so he could see the steps beneath, looking fearfully down he saw dark curls, bouncing as the tall man bounded up two stairs at a time.

Louis willed his feet to slow down, adrenaline urging him forward all the same. Glancing back again he saw it really was Harry, _Jesus_ _Christ_. That was when he lost control of his legs and proceeded to trip upwards, knocking his jaw on the step above _._ Boots clanked as they stopped next to him, so close to his face in the confined space he could smell the material. _  
_

"What the hell Louis? Why are you here, I was just at yours? Are you ok? I've been worried out of my mind after you sent that email." Confusion and frustration were clear in Harry's voice as he looked down at Louis, slowly offering a hand to help him up.

"You, you were at mine?"

"Yes. I wanted to return your socks. I stole them during the night, my feet were cold and I forgot I was wearing them, surprised they fit really. You're bleeding. What's happening with the gang? Did this guy hurt you?" He examined Louis' face carefully, rubbing a thumb across his jaw, causing him to draw back slightly.

"Socks? Socks! Of course, you were returning socks." Louis was breathless as he laughed in relief and shock, voice wavering and heart pounding painfully against his ribs. Unsteady on his feet, still managing to climb up a few steps until he was eye to eye with Harry. He shook nervously, the closeness becoming slightly claustrophobic. 

"Socks. C'mon, I'm tired, I waited for you for a while. You need to explain, and let Liam know you're ok."

"You were alone? No one else around, waiting at my door?"

"Yes, Louis." He sighed, as they ascended the last of the way to Harry's door.  He hurriedly unlocked it, walking in and flicking the switch to brighten the room.

"Wait have you spoken to Liam? Is he ok?" Louis tried to hide that he had very quickly cooled down and was beginning to shiver again, intensifying the shaking.

"Yeah, I called the number on your website and he picked up. Said he would call you. I'm going to have to clean you up.” It was clear Harry's energy from this morning had completely drained from him. 

“I’m so sorry I left you out there. I thought you were someone else.” He looked down, he too was tired and now ashamed at his rash actions, having caused Harry to wait in the dark and cold, whilst he behaved like a child. 

“What happened to your neck?.” His voice dropped as he focused on the ring of purple beginning to show around Louis' throat.

“Uh, I. Niall." Louis was seriously cold and the memories of what had happened in the coffee shop caused his voice to quiver violently.

“Jesus, hey you're ok, I’ll get you some warm clothes, actually do you want a shower, you’re a bit mucky from the grass, I mean, actually just shower. I’ll get you some clothes and a warm drink for when you’re done. Then you can explain.” 

“Harry, I,” 

“Shower, now.” 

An almost silent ‘oomph’ left Harry as Louis threw himself at him, almost collapsing into his arms. It was all Harry could do to support him as he breathed unevenly. Louis inhaled the smell of Harry, trying to focus on him and clear the repeat of his mind. He smelt of his clothes and of London, of fresh air and cars and petals and pavements. _Petals and pavements, petals and pavements, petals and pavements_. He said it over and over in his head until Nialls voice was faint.

Harry moves a thumb over the back of his head slowly, whispering something Louis couldn’t hear over his heart and thoughts into his ear. When his bones were warm and he could feel his toes Louis decided he was ok. Ok enough to shower and without speaking the smaller man slipped quietly away towards what he could see as the bathroom, the taller making his way into the bedroom. 

Sighing deeply, Harry flopped onto the bed, splaying his long limbs out in defeat. 

The lack of sleep from last night had only hit him this afternoon and no amount of tea or coffee could have got him through the mind-numbing meetings, full of people irritating beyond belief.

Whilst the thought of getting up was quite distressing he willed himself to sit. He didn’t know what had happened with ‘Niall’, it who he was. He did know Louis was a shaking and terrified mess and it was scaring him. He wanted to hold him until he fell asleep, wanted to wash away whatever had made him feel this way.

Shaling his head he stood slowly, joints cracking and muscles straining but he managed to stand steady on his feet. He pulled out a small hoodie from his wardrobe and some warm tracksuit bottoms he knew Louis would like. Folding them together and placing them outside the bathroom door, he paused to listen. 

Amidst the rush of the shower, he could make out heavy breaths escaping through the space under the door. His face contorted in concern but he carried on towards the kitchen, Louis would explain soon, if he felt comfortable doing so. 

Switching the kettle on and moving to grab tea bags he rubbed his eyes. Harry realised he had forgotten to get changed in his tired state. He let the water boil and returned to his room. 

He pulled on a loose t-shirt and fabric shorts, then a thin hoodie. Tapping lightly on the bathroom door as he passed it again and murmuring, “teas ready.”

A couple of minutes later he was met with a thankful Louis, worn blue eyes staring into his own dull green ones. Louis' body was blanketed by Harry's hoodie, it hung from his shoulders and emphasised his small frame, sleeves rolled up so his fingers poked out the end. Whilst it softened Harry's heart, he was shattered and so his words were harsher with worry than intended.

"What happened Louis? Why were you on the grass outside my apartment in the bitter cold. Have you absolutely lost it?”

”Probably.”

Harry realised an eyebrow, prompting him to continue.

"I saw someone from, from the gang today. He pinned me against the wall in the coffee shop bathroom and threatened me, I tried to get home but then I saw someone, who obviously now I know was you, outside my door and assumed they had sent someone for me. Stupid I know but I couldn’t face it, I thought I was going to die. I didn’t want to go to Liam as he doesn’t know about the tiniest bit of this, and his roommates barely know me but I trusted you and as you knew about it I thought it would be a good place to go, and it’s quite far from my place so I thought I could lose anyone on the way but I didn’t want to put you in danger though so I thought if I stayed outside anyone who potentially comes looking won’t know your place.” His words became more rushed as he spoke, he felt increasingly vulnerable and distressed as his chest tightened.  Warm tears pooled in his tired eyes as he finished speaking, the memory of Niall's hands on his throat overbearing. 

“Louis I, hey come here," Harry grasped him in a hug. "You're ok, he's not here and he doesn't know where we are. No-one does ok? You're safe."

The smaller man gasped into the taller's shoulder, releasing the fear and terror he had bottled inside him. Explaining what had happened reinforced what Niall has said. 

Strong hands supported his heaving body, his small hands clutching the material around Harry’s shoulders to steady himself.  Pulling back to wipe his sore eyes he exhaled wearily.

"What if they're there tomorrow Harry? Niall's capable of doing awful," he had to pause to breath, _calm down,_ "awful things."

"What did he do Louis? You're scaring me." Harry's eyes were wide as they searched Louis' for answers.

"He, oh god, he." He began breathing heavily, having never talked about this before.

"Hey, slowly love, slowly." Harry led them to the sofa so they could sit down, taking Louis' hand in his own, rubbing his wrist gently in comfort. 

Closing his eyes to shut out the brightness and focus on his breathing he began to speak,

"I left the gang because my mum got a job elsewhere. I was just a kid, Christmas of Year 11 we went. The gang didn't know I was leaving, until late December. That October they must have decided I was old enough and useful enough to keep around. So they set me up for something that would force my loyalty." _Breath out,_ "Someone had double-crossed them, joined a rival gang, started telling them stuff about us, our links, suppliers. Obviously, they needed him gone." _In, out._ "I didn't realise what was happening, I thought I was on a pickup. Niall was leading the group, he had never liked me much. Then this guy is coming towards us and before I know it Niall is beating him with this club," _breathe, breathe,_ "I ran, I did, I ran so fast Harry, until I couldn't anymore. I didn't see much, I head more, but I saw enough." _Breathe._ "They used that against me then, I couldn't leave because I was part of a murder. I believed them for so long, I do know it wasn't my fault though, I do. They did let me leave, probably because I was just a kid, and I cried and pleaded at their feet. Branded me though, just in case." He saw Harry visibly flinch, "it's only a tattoo, on my heel. Doesn't bother me much I promise."

"Lou, I'm so sorry."

"It's ok, I'm ok.  Just knocked me for 6 a bit seeing Niall that's all."  He did feel better having gotten it off his chest, especially to Harry who he knew listened.

"Niall. He had the nerve," Harry's voice quietened with the strain of fury behind them, a whisper of anger.

Louis squeezed his hand now, "I'm fine, throat just a little sore." his voice was already starting to fade and roughen. "I'm sorry for all this."

"Hey, don't be, I'll get you that warm drink yeah? You ok if I do that quickly?"

"Yes Harry, thank you," Louis cracked a smile, voice croaky.

By the time Harry returned with a steaming mug, Louis had passed out on the sofa, curled slightly in a protective form. Gently sighing, Harry lifted the small man in his arms and laid him on the bed. Wrapping him in a blanket and slipping in beside him carefully.

Watching his face and listening to his breathing settle, Harry eventually fell asleep himself.

By morning, both were close in the other's arms.


	13. Chapter 13

Harry awoke to Louis murmuring fearfully, moving back and forth as if trying to escape, clutching at the duvet.

"Louis? Louis.” His voice was soft as he shook the him lightly, grasping his small shoulders. "Hey."

Blue eyes flickered open, darting around cautiously. "Sorry," his hoarse voice cracked slightly as he gasped for breath.

"Dont worry, are you ok?" 

“Yeah, yeah.” Reflexively he pulled at the duvet and turned to get closer to Harry, searching for comfort realising it was difficult to speak. 

"Does it hurt?” Harry’s tone leaked anger as he asked, relaxing only when Louis tucked his head into his shoulder, "mhm."

They stayed curled in each other's warmth for a while, Harry content to hold Louis tightly, the sound of slow breaths between them somehow proving they were ok.

He watched the minutes change on the digital clock, red numbers counting him down to half past. He had worked out if they got up then it gave them time to get ready, pop back to Louis' and get to the shop early.

Despite yesterday's late appearance at work, Joyce had agreed he could have the day off for the opening today, she was almost as excited as him even though she wouldn’t have an opportunity to see it.

Slipping out of the bed he hopped in the shower, eager to stand in the hot water, but apprehensive to leave Louis.

After doing so for as long as he could bear, he wrapped a long towel around his shoulders, not willing to venture back into the cold with it only round his waist. Padding back into the bedroom, leaving a faint trail of damp footprints behind he looked at Louis. He had moved into the space Harry had left behind and hair had fallen over his eyes. _God,_ the ribbon of threatening purple around his throat was clear now, a nasty reminder of the night before.

His fist clenched and jaw tightened as he got dressed, knowing Louis would barely be able to speak today tore him apart. He just couldn’t understand why anyone would do that to him.

It also brought back memories of his own violent history with the gang, a colourful reminder of the dark splotches that had once littered his own skin. Truthfully he was terrified, terrified of the gang, of what they could do, of what they would do. He cursed them over in his mind as he shimmied into jeans, pulling socks on after them. 

Slowly making his way back to the bed he pushed the hair out of Louis’ eyes, shaking him gently and murmuring in his ear. 

“Morning,” 

Sounds reminiscent of the word “no,” came from Louis’ direction, tone strained and rough.  

“Don't speak, not if it hurts, better to wait for it to heal.”

Louis nodded sadly, lazily throwing the covers away. Harry watched as he made his way to the bathroom, unsure of how to help.

It was seconds before a wide-eyed Louis was standing in the doorway. Shaking his head and pointing at his throat frantically. 

“Opening today, can’t look like this,” his voice was painfully hoarse.  

Out of ideas, Harry walked over to give him a hug, unexpectedly pushed away by the shorter of the two. 

“No Harry, I need help not hugs, need to cover it up.” Desperation radiated from him and he began to pace. “Need a smoke.” 

As he tried to leave the room, large hands pulled him back.

”No no no, not a good idea with your throat like that. Absolutely not.” His tone was stern, as if he was telling off a child.  “I have some makeup if that will help? We could try and cover it up with that? And put ice on it, try and stop the swelling.” His green eyes pleaded with blue, worry reflected in them. 

Sighing Louis nodded warily, letting Harry walk him to the kitchen. It didn't take long for him to fish out some ice from the freezer and wrap it in kitchen towel, passsing it to Louis who hissed as he pressed it to the tender skin.

“Stay like that for a bit, do you want your clothes or not bothered? It’s only 6ish so we have time to go back to yours before the shop.” He chuckled lightly at the reaction when he said it was 6, the early hour clearly not appealing to Louis. "Breakfast?"

Shaking his head in agreement Louis sat down at the table, resting his head against his arm and watching Harry prepare some fruit. A million and one thoughts entered his mind, but he couldn't focus on them. Worry after another flitted around his brain, filling him with fear.

"Hey, you ok?" Harry's warm voice pulled him out of his funk but he could only attmept a thank you as he grasped the plate the other man was offering.

"We will be fine today ok? I know what happened yesterday is fucked, believe me I want nothing more than for you to have a day to process it, to rest and eat ice cream and watch your favourite movie." A trace of sadness followed the anger in his voice as he realised he didn't know what Louis' favourite film was anymore, didn't know if his favourite ice cream flavour was still the same or not. He just didn't know.

"Whatever happens though, it's going to be good because this is your shop, you've put so much work into this I know and yesterday isn't going to ruin that." Louis nodded again, it becoming his default reaction. He couldn't help but want to go immediately back to sleep. To curl up in someone's arms, he wanted to feel safe.

It dawned on him that whilst he wasn't always looking over his shoulder, or scared to leave the house. He had never felt truly safe after leaving the gang. Not unless he was with Harry.

Even now though, being close to him was so new that it wasn't as safe as it once used to be. He hated that, with all his heart. Harry was right though. This was his day, to show his hard work. He deserved this. Running through the days plan in his mind it dawned on him he hadn't spoken to Liam yet. He almost choked on his toast as he looked up to Harry, whispering the name as loudly as he could manage.

"I texted him after you fell asleep last night, I didn't tell him what had fully happened, that's up to you. He knows you're ok though and that today is still on. He said we're meeting there at 9 so we better get a move on yeah?"

Standing wearily Louis made his way to the bedroom, still holding ice to his neck whilst Harry haphazardly threw the plates towards the sink. The taller man followed the smaller and ushered him into the bathroom, instructing him to sit and wait. Louis perched on the toilet, observing the pale green patterned tiles that scaled the walls, stunned at Harry’s collection of hair products on the shower shelf. 

“Right, I don’t have a lot, pretty sure I got it on a drunk night out with Zayn but it’s come in useful now. I’ll be gentle ok?” 

Louis stared into the mirror opposite, watching the back of Harry’s head as he squeezed a small blob of pale formula to the back of his hand. 

He jumped when the brush first dragged across his sensitive skin, almost falling. He hated it being close to his throat, could still feel the way Nialls hand had tightened with every gasp for breath as the air ran out, feel his fingers pressing down and the bone of his wrist close by.

“Louis?”

He released the breath he didn’t realise he had been holding and blinked slowly, nodding at Harry to continue and bracing himself for the contact. It took a while but he got as used to the sore scrape of the bristles as he could manage. Harry murmured concerned ‘sorry’s’ every so often, holding Louis’ face softly with his free hand.  

It didn’t last longer than 15 minutes neither too experienced with the products and not wanting to over do it. 

“I’m sorry it’s not much, or very good but it’s better than it was before, not too noticeable now.” 

Coughing slightly, Louis strained to answer, 

“Don’t worry, it’s great, I really appreciate it.” He hoped his eyes did a much better job of showing his gratitude than his croaky voice, “can we go?”

”Of course,” 

Louis didn’t have anything with him so it was a matter of minutes for Harry to lock up before they left, deciding the underground, even in its crowded state, would be faster at this time than facing the rush hour traffic. 

The cool breeze was a welcome refreshment from the heat of panic that had been following Louis around Harry's apartment, it allowed him to take a deep breath he felt he had been deprived of for weeks. Keeping close to each other they weaved their way through London's streets. Whilst there was an excited atmosphere in the air from tourists and children on days out, it was kept at bay by Louis' nerves and Harry's concern. Neither could take in the joy that hovered around their city, views they once smiled at slipping their mind, replaced by faces that each fretted could belong to the gang. Every passing stranger seemed to stare for too long, glare threateningly, a shout from across the road would be aimed at them and the sound of an engine was coming towards them too fast.

The chaos of the tube was a welcome safety net from the vulnerability of the streets, the rush of feet and stressed commuters allowing a distraction.

Louis pressed against people once inside the carriage, using the crowd as an excuse to shield himself. Sweat was beginning to gather on his temples and around his lower back, breath coming in small gasps. A large hand wrapped around his own clammy one, Harry steadying him gently. 

The air in the tunnel whistled lowly as the train moved from the platform. 

Harry focused on Louis’ eyes in their reflection, it stared back at him from the window, clear against the dissapearing black walls. He searched them for messages, hoping his own came across as comforting. 

It wasn’t long before they were walking again, out into the world. It whirled around them as they made their way towards Louis’ flat. 

All of a sudden the doors of the coffee shop were looming over them, casting shadows over the path. Louis stopped dead, hands beginning to shake.

He swallowed, wincing with pain and shut his eyes. Willing it to disappear mentally, willing the memory of Niall to get out of his head.

The Irish accent was sharp in his mind, cutting through everything else, repeating his name over and over. Louis felt sick, his stomach twisting as a hand pushed him from behind. 

Not thinking he lurched forward, tripping with the sudden movement and falling swiftly to the ground.

Arms wrapped around his waist, catching him before his face could connect with the concrete. 

“Woah, woah Lou, hey it’s just me,” Harry slightly stumbled with the weight of the smaller boy, desperate to keep him up. “Was it here? He was here?” 

A weak nod answered him as he turned Louis to face him. 

“Ok, he’s not here anymore I promise, I’ve got you.” 

Now supporting him completely, Harry walked him forward, knowing it wasn’t far to his apartment. 

It took longer than it should have  but they did make it up the stairs and into Louis’ apartment. As soon as the door opened with a groan Louis ran to the bathroom, retching noises echoing through the rooms. 

Locking the door and grabbing a glass of cold water Harry got to Louis as fast as he could. 

He rubbed his back slowly, waiting until he sat up to offer him the glass. 

“Thank you, sorry.” The words were seemingly more strained than before. 

“It’s ok, you’re fine. Safe now. We have time.” Harry spoke softly, 

Tentatively sipping the water Louis managed to speak again,

”Gonna get changed, help yourself to something.” 

He got up shakily, his core jelly and doing little to support him. 

Cool bedsheets were a relief as tired limbs collapsed onto them. A tired sigh escaping dry lips and weighty eye lids dripping over bloodshot eyes. 

His head pounded against his skull, throat like sand as he attempted to swallow. 

Breathing slowly was hard but he concentrated on only that, in and out until he could recognise the familiar smell of paint. Daring to look across the room, his eyes locked into a piece he hadn’t yet finished, it was a watercolour image, vaguely resembling the stadium in Doncaster where he had grown up. He liked how it was coming along, was proud of the strokes that held reminiscence within their colours.

It reminded him of why he was an artist, how far he had come, how much he wanted today, how much he needed today. 

It kickstarted him into movement, pulling on clean clothes and spraying a fresh smelling cologne around him. He splashed his warm face with water, cleaning his skin of the night before. Careful of  his neck he patted his cheeks dry, twisting to ruffle his hair in the mirror. 

Despite everything, he looked good. It prompted him to crack a smile, lifting the lines around his mouth to crinkle at the corner of his eyes. 

His throat still ached, heart only just calming down. His head was clearer though, he was processing structured thoughts. 

He could do this. 

“Louis?” Harry’s voice was quiet, he was asking after him, unsure of how he was.

”Hey, time?” Whilst his voice was low and patchy, it was happier than before, hope falling through.

The sound sparked a light in the green, “ten to 7, you good?”

“Yeah, you ok to go?” 

“Course, what’s the plan?” 

“So Liam at 9, before then I need to make sure all my stuff is out and ready, my partners/sponsors are coming at 9:30-10 and then we open 10:30. Rest of the day is business except we close early and then there’s a party by one of the sponsors, some club somewhere.”

“Sounds fab, you look good.” A small smile danced across Harry’s lips as he took in Louis, slightly dressed up for the occasion.  

“You don’t look too bad yourself,” it was the first time Louis had reallly taken in Harry’s crisp shirt, unbuttoned slightly and covered by an expensive blazer, embroidered lightly with a floral pattern. He had paired it with black jeans to prevent it from being too dressy but the right level of smart. 

Moving forward graciously Harry ran a thumb over Louis’ jaw, then tracing his lips teasingly. Finally the smaller boy reached up, their mouths met gently, moving against each other, taking in the moment. 

A century passed locked in the others touch, the world turning around them until they parted, drawing away agonisingly slowly. Air was a cold contrast from the heat of the kiss.

Harry had to genuinely gasp when Louis’ tongue darted out to skim his lips, eyes still not fully open. The sight was endlessly endearing, leading his mind towards paths he couldn’t walk without making them very, very late. 

“Ready then?” Even whilst hoarse, the cockiness and confidence was clear in Louis’ tone as he smirked at Harry. He knew full well the effect he had and clearly was in the mood to torture him.

Huffing, Harry followed Louis towards the front door, slipping his boots back on as they headed for the shop.


	14. Chapter 14

Sunlight filtered through the windows, the images inside the shop glowing in the rays. Each flick of paint and smudge of graphite was highlighted, colours vibrant and emotion clear in Louis' work.

It took a moment for him to take it all in, today was really the day. His career so far had been leading up to this, and the rest of it would grow from here. Since he first picked up a pencil and dipped his hands in the sticky primary coloured paint as a child, he had wanted to show people his art. He remembered running up to his mum, clutching at her apron as she baked something sweet smelling and demanding she looked at what he had created. Whilst it was only a mess of marks Louis had been so proud, grinning whenever he walked past the fridge where Johannah had pinned the paper up with a small magnet. Since then his family and teachers had always encouraged him to be more artistic, thier enthusiasm tangible whenever he produced something new. He had loved the attention then but his art hadn't meant anything to him seriously until his late teenage years. That was when he really started to discover another part of himself, he knew he was talented but the newfound passion he then channelled into his work created something incredible. It made him so happy, and he loved the joy he gave others when they looked at his work, loved making people think and wonder, even inspiring some to do their own things. He had never gotten enough of that.

It had accumulated now, in this building in Soho, London, the cool British breeze nudging him towards the doors. Inhaling slowly he began to move, followed closely by Harry, who was now silent, seeing the pride in Louis' eyes.

He unlocked the door, relaxing with the click of the key and stepping inside.

"It looks so good Louis, so so good." Harry's voice was quiet with awe, the last time he had been here was when they had met up unkowingly. Then there hadn't been any art then, the room had been an emty shell of Louis' talent. 

"Thanks, I forget you haven't seen any of my recent stuff. I don't know if there's actually anything here you'll have seen before." He smiled slightly, his voice beginning to even out slightly. "I need to go upstairs and grab a few things, you can have a look around if you want."

Harry nodded, watching Louis dissappear through the small door before turning his attention to the art displayed before him. Angry reds caught his eye first, swipes of bright colour covering the canvas. They faded into greys and blacks, tumbling down like a burning waterfall. Moving on he saw various recognisable London scenes, animals and portraits. None of the pieces fitted the stereotypical boundaries of a portrait or a city scene. There was always a colour or shape out of place or depicted in unexpected forms. They were all stunning, causing his mind to whir. It wasn't until he faced an image in the corner of the room, slightly hidden by part of the wall that jutted out, that his breath was stolen by the delicate yet carefree marks only Louis could create.

The colours, were for the first time today, completely accurate, stunning in their own right. The shapes were crafted as clearly as the memories in his mind and there was no mistaking what the painting showed. A hand was outstretched towards the sky, silhoutted by the yellows and greens dancing behind the slim fingers, the sea of heads rose up and down in waves behind, their movement somehow captured in the frozen painting. There was a depth to the brushmarks, they held the emotions of a night forgotten by so many.

It was the best concert Louis and Harry had ever been to. It was around mid July, they had spent the entirety of the warm day together, fooling around and taking each other on short adventures whenver the opportunity arose. Finally they had made it to the venue, so late they were almost completely at the back. Neither minded, the noise bouncing through them, vibrating from the ground and up their spines. They had danced like never before, ignorant of everyone around them and content to be close. Slightly tipsy words had spilled from their minds into the electric air, murmers of 'I love you.'

After the show they stayed up the rest of the night, sat together under the stars on the hill at Hampstead Heath and watched the sun climb over the skyline. It was the first time they truly talked about how they felt about each other, the alcohol in their blood and the thrill of the other's company leading them to haphazardly plan a future together. That was the night it became clear that they wanted the same thing. That the boy next to them was their way forward, they were set completely free by the prospect yet so heavily dependant on it too.

It was so transparent in Harry's mind as he studied the painting, as if the piece was a stained glass window, he could see straight through, directly into their other life.

"Oh, hey. I didn't realise that was out, Liam must have put it up." his tone was gentle, slightly potective.

"It deserves to be there. It's amazing."

"You're biased," a small chuckle followed nervous words. They were standing side by side now, shoulders brushing as they moved with each deep breath. "Do you like it?"

"Yeah, it hit me hard but, I'd be worried if it didn't." He turned now to face him, "it's incredible."

"I painted it that summer, before everything, it comes everywhere with me but I never had the courage to actually do anything with it. I used to think I hated it, I don't believe I ever really did."

He leaned his head on Harry's shoulder, sighing softly, both missing past times.

After a moment of still together, Louis broke the silence enthusiastically, "let's get your photos up then!"

He lifted a couple of frames and pins, moving towards a front corner of the room, spotlighted by the morning sun.

"Woah Louis, that's right as you walk in, this isn't my shop." worried words followed the small man, who laughed in reply,

"You think your photos are going to distract everyone completely eh Styles? I say we put it to the test."

"No, not at all no, I just don't want people to get the wrong idea about me, or compare them too much to your work."

"Shut up, my shop love so you're going to have to deal with it."

Slightly flustered, Harry quietly helped to pin up his photos, the glossy paper shining in the light. They were organising the last few when Liam bounded in.

"Louis! Louis mate, how are you? Are you ok?"

"Woah yeah, I'm good, I'm really sorry I didn't text you but everything's good."

"What happened to your voice?" Liam wasn't used to Louis' croaky throat yet.

"Oh, I'll explain, I can't now though ok? Later, when this is over." Louis was so ashamed putting Liam off, he should be telling him everything, he deserved better.

"Right, um as long as you're ok?" God he deserved better.

He nodded with a slightlty fake grin, "this is Harry, I belive you've already spoken?"

"Hi mate, good to meet you," Harry's large hand stretched out to Liam's who returned the gesture,

"You too, thanks for last night, helping Lou out." Harry simply smiled in response, nodding quietly. His stomach burned at the nickname he used to use for Louis being spoken by someone other than him. The word so carefree and empty of the context it should carry.

"These are Harry's photos," Louis exclaimed, saving Harry from having to think of a suitable conversation,

"These are yours? Wow they're stunning mate. Well done."

"Thank you so much, it's just something I enjoy you know." He brushed off the compliments, blushing slightly, "is there anything I can do to help?"

Louis looked to Liam, "I've got all the physical stuff set up so it's just parteners and sponsors I think, oh and Katie said she'd be here at quarter past to set up drinks and food."

“Nice, not much to do now then, I’ll pop upstairs and make my last calls, you ready?” Excitement was clear in his voice, anticipation radiating from him to all three of them. 

Louis nodded slowly, grinning as he spoke, “Yeah, yeah I am.” 

Smiling as he slipped upstairs Liam left Louis and Harry alone to pack up the photos. 

Louis bent down to clutch a leather bound book, it was Harry’s photobook, heavy with captured scenes since he had began taking photos. He lazily flipped through to the back, where the last cases were thick with discarded images. His blue eyes caught sight of the same staring back, younger features painstakingly obviously his own. 

He sat down to study it, pulling more from the book.

Harry followed suit, resting beside him, nervous eyes watching as Louis discovered the almost shameful stash of photos hidden carelessly.

”Guess younger me used to be infatuated with your face eh?” He chuckled lightly, doing well to hide the fact his heart had dropped from his chest. 

“Guess so,” Louis murmured, lifting an image to the side of his head, posing as similarly as he could manage and raising an eyebrow at Harry’s slightly flushed cheeks. 

The taller man feigned surprise, “good lord whatever happened! Your younger self was ever so handsome, how could it go so wrong.” Every syllable was over pronounced, exaggerating the sarcasm.

Louis scoffed, muttering “speak for yourself Harold,” fondly.

”mhm,” their eyes rose to meet each other, steady in their gaze, emotion running high between them, Liam’s voice faint in the background.

“Oi King Tomly! Who’s your lover?” Kate’s laugh broke their moment, Louis leaping up to help her bustle kettles and bags through the doors. 

“If it isn’t my favourite royal barista, let me take that, I’ll be one minute Harry,” their chat faded up the stairs, leaving Harry to pick the fallen memories.

It wasn’t long before all three were back, animatedly talking about something Kate and Liam did last week. 

Tucking the book under his arm as he stood, he introduced himself to Kate. 

They spent the next hour setting up a food stall at the back of the room, preparing the drink structure behind the counter. 

Harry got on with Liam and Kate like they had been friends forever, laughter continuously bouncing around them. 

The first person to arrive was Zayn, Harry running to greet him as e walked through the door. He was dressed in only black jeans, a white shirt and dark blazer covering his chest. He looked effortlessly beautiful.

”Guys this is Zayn, he’s my closest friend, I invited him to see Louus’ work but I’m sure can be persuaded to help out,” they all beamed a smile and it was merely minutes after the awkward introduction before Zayn too was welcomed as part of the group. 

 

After that partners and sponsers began to file in, the building soon filling with people. They milled around quietly, the art surrounding them the focus of their attention.

With minutes to go before Louis was expected to talk he slipped away, through the back door and out of the noise. Harry followed, curious as to where he was going. 

He stepped around the corner to find Louis leaning gently against the hard wall, a cigarette pressed between his fingers. The smoke drifted in tendrils away from them, eyes trailing the grey strings until they faded away into the blue of the morning. Harry could see the dark beneath his them, small lines where his expression furrowed. 

Thy both did their best thinking when tired, when exhaustion gave way to whichever thoughts wanted to flit through their mind. After being up several hours, the lack of sleep last night was beginning to hit them, and so their unfiltered brains were providing a lot of thought. It didn't take long for Harry's mind to center on the light illuminating Louis' cheekbones, causing tiny shivers of shadow to fall from his lashes or the swirling colours in his eyes, the way his lips rounded around the cigarette and his arms folded protectively over his chest.

"I wish you wouldn't smoke."

"So do I."

"Do you want a minute?"

"Stay, but quiet."

Birdsong swung through the trees towards them, calming with the low hum of the breeze in the sun. Harry leant on his shoulder, facing Louis. He now had his eyes closed, head back against the brick. He was mesmerizing, even the way he breathed, chest rising slowly. 

The smaller boy turned to stare back, gazing at Harry with a million questions. For what seemed like the first time in years it was quiet, so quiet. Still between them and nothing to interrupt. 

Nothing until the knots in their shoulders began to ache and the cars began to rumble by, a child screaming and a bell on a bike. The world turned again and Louis flicked his cigarette to the floor, grinding it into the ground.

"You'll be there, when I talk? Cause a commotion if I fuck it up mm?"

"You got it, promise me something?"

Louis nodded,

"Enjoy this, not everyday you get to open up your shop yeah?"

"You say that, forgetting I truly will have to open it everyday if I want any business." He chuckled as Harry's mouth set in a playful glare, skipping back inside when he lurched for him.

 

The hollow box they had placed for him to stand on echoed as he stepped up, a grin seeping into his features.

"Hi everyone, are you enjoying yoursleves? Not too bored yet I hope!" The small crowd laughed at his taunts, loving his voice and enthusiasm. "Well, ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to thank you for coming first of all, it's incredible to see you all here. I'd especially like to thank all my partners and sponsors for making this happen today, normally you wouldn't get to open quite as dramatically as this but they're truly amazing, and of course to anyone who has ever bought any of my art, I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you.” Harry watched as his smile lit up the room, everyone just as captivated as him by the man speaking his mind. “I’ve been creating things since I can remember, there’s no feeling like it. I’ve put my heart and soul into what you see today and I hope it means as much to you as it does to me. Please help yourself to food and drink, I’d love to answer questions and I hope you enjoy my work. Before I let you go I’d like to draw your attention to a few things. Half of all proceeds today will go to a local charity so don’t be tight, my wonderful best friend and manger Liam is hiding in that corner, hey mate, and he’s also around for any questions or inquiries. Lastly, if you’ll look over to the board on the wall adjacent to the door. There’s some pictures pinned there, taken by the best photographer I’ve had the honour of meeting.” Harry’s cheeks began to burn as Louis sought his eyes, “his name is Harry and he’s not as busy as he should be, don’t be afraid to speak to him, he may look tall and scary but he’s the sweetest one in this building. Hey H,” Louis waved with a smirk, directing everyone's attention to where Harry stood.  

A nervous smile was reflected at the curious audience, luckily Louis wanted to say his goodbyes. "So thank you again everyone, I'm incredibly lucky to be stood here, I hope you have a lovely day.”

Just like that he had created a joyful and relaxed atmosphere in no time at all, nothing but smiles in the room. Maybe it was his voice, or the way his eyes illuminated when he talked about his art. Maybe it was the way his lips gently curved upwards or how he looked at each stranger with care. Maybe it was all of it and none and maybe it was just Harry who didn’t want to look at the art anymore. 

He started towards Louis, holding back as he watched him hug people, recognising them as his sisters. Lottie looked stunning, the twins ecsatic and Fizz wonderous, there was his mum. Pride radiated from them as they crowded round the artist, laughing when Liam joined them. 

It wasn’t long before he heard his name, 

“Harry?” Hope intertwined within each syllable as Jay turned to him. “Oh Harry, it’s been so long!” She moved quickly, enveloping him in an unexpected hug. 

"Hi, how are you?" His voice was soft from the shock.

"When he mentioned a Harry I prayed it was you, I'm good dear, how are you? How did you get back in touch with Louis? Where have you been all these years?" Her questions were lost as the girls crowded round, eager to see how he had aged. Liam and Louis followed rapidly, finding Harry's ambush hilarious.

"Yeah good, uni and stuff you know, you all look amazing."

 They dragged him away for interrogation, Louis too being led away to socialise, Liam in suit.

 

It wasn't until gone 3 that Harry and Louis saw each other properly again, by this time each were starving, Louis' throat raw from all the talking. As the last few people filed out for the afternoon, goodbyes and thank yous heavy in the air, everyone left like collapsing.

Jay and the girls had had to leave early, Kate too for her new job induction. Once the sponsors and partners had gone too, Liam, Louis and Harry were alone.

The room was endlessly bigger now no one occupied it, lights too bright and silence deafening.

Liam chuckled quietly, the remains of the prosecco that had been passed around lazy in his blood. 

Louis loved Liam, with all his heart he did but he wanted him gone. Gone so he could hear Harry’s voice alone in the isolated area. Gone because he wanted to touch Harry, feel his skin beneath his fingers, watch his eyes, watch the flutter as he kissed him. Gone because he wanted to taste the freshness and warmth on his lips and in his mouth. 

 It was colder now the heat of the crowd was lost, Harry felt his skin bristle with goosebumps. 

“Well done Louis, that was incredible.” He spoke slowly, dragging out the words. 

Louis’ eyes lit up at the sound of his voice, absorbing every syllable. 

“Thank you, I can’t believe it went so well.” Contrastingly, he was barely audible, voice scratchy and throat burning. 

“You need to get that checked out mate, do you want a drink?” Even whilst tipsy, Liam cared, he was so good, Louis thought he deserved better because he agreed, partly because he knew there were no drinks left and Liam would have to go out back to get some, because it meant he could steal a moment with Harry. 

”Actually yeah, yeah thanks.” His cheeks flushed with private shame. 

“No worries, sit tight.” As he got up to get some, Harry shuffled closer to Louis where they sat against the wall. 

“You ok?” 

“Mhm, thank you for today.” 

“What for? I didn’t do anything except get stolen by your family.” Louis knew he was smiling but he didn’t have to look, fatigue having caught him in it’s trap. 

“They’re quite persistent aren’t they.” 

“A little, lovely though. It was so cool to see them again, I can’t believe how big Daisy and Phoebe are?”

“I know, they’re nearly as tall as me now,”

“That’s not too hard though eh?” Harry chuckled softly to himself, Louis scowling in response.

 He moved to lay his head on broad shoulders, rapidly stopped by Liam’s appearance. Stomach clenching and jaw tight because his throat hurt and his eyes were sore and the smell of Harry was intoxicating and it was all he wanted right now. 

A bottle thudded at their feet, “here you go mate.”

”Thank you so much Li.” 

“No problem, what time does the after party start again?”

Louis couldn’t help but groan, today had been so good but he didn’t have the energy for round two. 

“Seven I think.”

”You don’t want to go?”

”Mm” 

“I hate to be the bearer of bad news but, you kind of have to, it’ll be fun anyway, bring Harry.” 

A noise of agreement beside him was the nudge he needed to rumble back to life. 

“Yeah, just tired, I’ll have a nap before it starts.” 

“That’s the spirit,” enthusiasm lifted the room again, 

“Where is it?” There was Harry.

”I can take you?” He felt as if he was being ridiculously obvious but any excuse would do.

”Sounds good.” Harry smirked, realisation clear in his tone.

 Liam was beginning to get the hint and forced Louis and Harry home, telling Louis he needed to rest his voice and promising to clean up the shop for him.

Louis nearly cried because Liam was so lovely, he was so amazing and he deserved better. 

He sent Harry out first, lingering to let Liam know he would call him, assuring he still wanted to talk, would tell him about what had happened. It cleared his conscience slightly but the need for sleep was too big a pull to ignore. 

He pretty much stumbled home with Harry, leaning so heavily against the pole on the tube he slipped around it almost gracefully. 

The click of the lock was a bigger relief than Louis could ever have imagined and it was all he could do to mumble for Harry to make himself at home, before collapsing onto the bed.


	15. Chapter 15

Harry had watched Louis, incoherent with exhaustion as he had made a lunge for the bed. He had seen him fall asleep within seconds of hitting the duvet and had thought how he wanted to lay down beside him. He had thought so many things as he had watched but they hadn’t amounted to anything past Louis. It was all Louis and that was truly a lot more than he could comprehend. 

He too was tired and he couldn’t help but yawn as he stood in the bedroom doorway, contemplating what to do. Louis didn’t look as if he was going to be up anytime soon and they had a little more than 3 hours before the after party. 

Harry was slightly nervous to go, he knew Louis wanted him there and he wanted to be with him. They would be vulnerable at a party though, with lots of people and loud noise and alcohol circulating it opened so many doors for something to go wrong. Then again, maybe he was being silly. 

He checked Louis was asleep and set an alarm on the clock beside him so that he would wake up with an hour to spare. Harry planned on returning but he wouldn’t have a key so if he came at around 6:30 he figured Louis would be up. 

Scribbling his number on a piece of paper he slammed the door, pulling harshly to ensure it locked, praying it didn’t wake the sleeping man inside.

 

Once home he showered and changed, treating himself to a couple of snacks before settling to watch a documentary and rest his eyes. It was nice to have had the day off, to have spent it with Louis doing something incredicble.

It hadn't meant the thoughts at the back of his mind had made any less of an effort to crawl and fight to the front. No matter how hard he tried to focus on what he wanted to, the dark doubts always clawed their way into his vision.

Earlier when watching Louis speak to the small audience in the shop, images of somone dragging him off the stand were transparent over the man who captured his attention, when going home with him, exauhsted and stumbling, fears of him disappearing into the underground's crowds had plagued him the entire journey. Now Louis was sleeping and Harry was back in his own apartement, he knew the other boy's door was locked but he just couldn't stop images of it being smashed down, splinters flying and Louis' shock as he was attacked out of the blue.

His blood boiled and he had to force himself to calmly make a cup of tea, gripping the mug so hard it nearly shattered in his hands. The rumble of the kettle echoed his frantic thoughts and it took all his willpower to stop from running out of the room and getting back to Louis as fast as he could.

Louis could look after himself now though, and Harry wasn't even 100% sure where they stood. God he cared so much it was crushing his heart and exploding from his head all at once, he could barely go ten minutes without the name slipping into his thoughts and he had spent more time with Louis in the last week than he had with his friends.

He needed to call Zayn, take him out or invite him over soon. They hadn't spoken in nearly a week and Harry felt guilty about it, Zayn had done more for him in the past few years than anyone else, had made him laugh a limitless amount of times and supported him always. He wouldn't have made it to London and be where he was now without the man. Zayn deserved better and he deserved the same as he had given to Harry, whilst it hadn't even been seven days yet Harry didn't know how he was or if he needed help with anything or if he had got that promotion yet.

Sighing he reached for his phone, he had an hour until he needed to get ready so plenty of time to speak to his friend. He never got the chance though, because the number only rang once before another was intercepting. Without thinking he clicked answer and Louis' voice reached him from the other end of the line.

"Harry, are you there? Harry?"

"Yes, you alright?"

A cough and a mutter were almost inaudible before the hoarse reply, "yeah, shit sorry, I woke up and freaked a little because you weren't here. Dumb sorry."

"Hey don't worry, I thought you might want a little time to yourself, you were really whacked."

"Still am," this was confirmed by a yawn. "You still ok to come tonight?"

"Course, you?"

"Not really but I don't have a choice. It'll be fine once we're there I just have a bad feeling. Probably just nerves."

"Yeah. There'll be loads of people, safety in numbers eh." The words trailed off, his voice betraying him and showing the doubt.

Louis didn't reply, he didn't have an answer to the fear they both felt knowing the situtation. He couldn't get the replay of Niall trapping him against the shitty bathroom wall from his brian, let alone focus on a way out.

“Are you scared? Louis?”

”Yeah. Are you?”

”Yeah.”

”Can you come over?”

“I’m on my way.”

Harry threw together a smart and fashionable outfit, similar to the one he wore when he went out with Zayn. He was rushing out the door before he had a chance to finish the tea he had made and as he leapt onto the tube for the umpteenth time this week, it steamed at home, losing heat as rapidly as the train zipped down the line. 

* * *

Harry’s knuckles burnt in the cold as he knocked against the hard door, the sound harsh on his ears, tinged pink at the tip. 

Within seconds it was flung away, Louis’ face appearing before him. 

His cheeks were flushed and hair tangled, eyes impossibly more tired than they had been before under the lenses of his glasses. 

“You look, incredible,” Louis almost gasped as he focused on Harry. 

“Hey,” he smiled slightly, breath warm as he breathed out. 

Louis stepped back, letting Harry into the apartment. He shook his head shamefully, "look I'm sorry for panicking, I just feel like you're the only one who understands the sitution right now."

"Don't stress it, I do get it, I know what those bastards can do just as well as you ok? I've got you." Their eyes were both shining when they met, colours intensified with the moisture.

"If he's there tonight, if Niall shows up. What do I do?" Louis' voice wavered, dangerously close to breaking with the purple around his throat beginning to show again. 

Harry didn’t have an answer so he headed for the kitchen to make Louis a drink, "I'll be right there with you yeah? He won't be able to cause a scene in the middle of the party. Can I get you lemon and honey?"

The smaller man nodded and collapsed into the chairs at the table, watching Harry move around like it was his own kitchen. He pulled the long sleeves of his hoodie over his hands, curling inside for comfort.

"Do you want to shower before we go? You could have a quick bath?"

"Mm," he took Louis' incoherent response as a signal for him to make the decision.

"Bath it is. Go run it and I'll finish this?"

Whilst he couldn't stand to attempt to strain his voice in reply, his thoughts were loud with thanks to Harry. He was so, so wonderful and Louis despised himself in that moment, so sluggish with exauhstion and nerves that had run him down he was barely showing life. Harry was supporting him, making him drinks and coming round when Louis desperately asked and here he was, doing nothing in return.

Still he began to run the bath and still, he cradled the sweet, steaming mug when Harry handed it to him, still he smiled to conceal the shock of pain when the hot liquid hit his throat and still he didn't decline when Harry moved to hug him, knowing he knew that it hurt.

He ached all over, muscles tense from sitting in the cold the night before paired with bones that scraped over one another, his voice burnt every time he dared to swallow, yet it all paled next to the monster that was the pain he felt when touching Harry. Touching him and knowing he wasn’t good enough.

Skin was electric against his own, his muscles quivering in an attempt to hold him up as he clutched at the tall man, overcome with need for him. The cup shook in his hand, brown droplets jumping over the edge and plunging to the floor. 

He moved forwards to rest it on the sink edge, afraid to stain Harry’s clothes. The room was rapidly clouding with steam, almost as fast as his mind was clouding with thoughts he wouldn’t speak aloud even if his voice permit. 

He nuzzled his face into Harry’s  neck, a deep chuckle reverberating around them. "Hi there," again Louis could hear the smile in his speech.

In reply he moved up to kiss the man, mouths meeting softly at first, then faster and harder and all at once Louis was no longer hot in his hoodie, he could breath again as Harry's lips explored his neck, his own throbbing softly at the sudden lack of contact.

Harry tentatively dragged his tongue across Louis' throat, careful not to hurt him as he drew a moist line over blossoms of yellow and black. Beneath him, Louis flinched slightly before relaxing into the touch, murmers an indication of his approval.

It was warm in the room but Louis was warmer, his bare chest heaving heavily under the strain of his bruised throat. It ached and it hurt but it felt good to be able to feel it, because feeling that meant feeling Harry, feeling the heat of his wet tongue across his skin, leaving trails of lust in it’s wake. 

“Lou,” the name was deep and bold against his body, he could feel the vibrations of Harry’s voice on his ribs as he breathed. There was not possibly enough oxygen in the room to sustain him, and he felt lightheaded as Harry moved further down his stomach.

A moan and a hoarse, “shh,” were all Louis could muster in response and he threw his head upward, the sight of Harry’s delicate curls becoming distant too much to take. His back hit the cool, damp wall, the tiles smacking against his spine sharply.

Gasps were silenced by the rush of the tap as the bath continued to fill. Water levelled dangerously close the the top but neither noticed, too caught up in the touch of the other to focus on anything else. 

“Harry,” 

“Don’t strain your voice baby.”

The imperative nearly sent Louis over the edge but he held it together, squirming desperately as Hardy teased him. 

It was too much and not enough, the sensation overwhelming and addictive. 

Just as slender fingers dusted his waist, thumbs leaving tingles along his skin, it was gone. 

Harry was standing and holding his own hands and smirking at Louis from burning green eyes, tap screeching as it was turned off.

”Think you better get in before it overflows eh?” The cockiness was dripping from the words, confidence and sex illuminating the man before Louis. 

“Fuck you.” 

“Gladly, later.”

With that, Harry left, pulling the door slowly to with a click and leaving Louis in the heat of the steaming bath. 

Not hearing footsteps, Louis called out,

”Harry? Stay?” 

“I’ll be right here.”

 

So Harry was in Louis' apartment, alone whilst he took a bath. It was surreal to be teasing him right now but it was helping them stay afloat through the chaos.

He sat on the sofa, lost as to what to do waiting for Louis, he would wait though, he supposed he always had, had always waited for Louis. Part of him screamed this was beyond him, who was he to be waiting for a stranger he had once loved? The other part laughed at the use of past tense, at how ridiculous it was to even hope there was any element of leaving this in the past.

Rubbing tired hands together he decided to call Zayn, he had the time now and shouldn't be interrupted for at least half an hour.

3 rings passed and then Zayn's familiar voice broke the repetition.

"Hello?"

"Hi Zayn, how are you?"

"Hey mate, good thanks, feels like years since we've spoken, damn. You went to the opening today didn't you? How was it?"

"Really good yeah, went well."

Harry was extremely confused, not having remembered telling Zayn about it at any point. Then again, he had been pretty out of it the past couple of weeks and nothing much aligned in his mind when he tried to make things match. There were no questions about Louis though, it was a relief and a burden. He felt as if Zayn should know about him, should know about the man who had taken over his life. He wanted to keep Louis to himself though, wanted him to be a secret until he figured out where he stood. He wanted that but the weight in the back of his head and the pounding of his heart was too much to bear alone and so he spoke tentatively into the phone.

“Zayn? You know the artist from today?” Hiding his voice from Louis it quivered along with his lips but not enough to break him, yet.

”Louis is it, I think I read that somewhere? What’s up with him?”

”Ah, it’s a long story. I can’t tell you the whole thing now, I will. Hell I need to but I can’t right now. I’ll give you the short version.” He almost laughed with the fear of recounting his life to someone who had no idea of the smallest part of it. It was Zayn though and he trusted Zayn.

”Harry you’re scaring me a little, you alright?”

”Yeah, you know the attack I told you about when I was younger, fucked me mentally pretty bad?” Zayn murmured in agreement, Harry hearing the anger in his muffled response. “He has something to do with that, but not his fault, he was also attacked by the same group of people that have a history with him. They attacked me to get to him.”

”Why you?”

”Because he loved me. Because I loved him.” The words were dense and heavy in the silence that followed, uneasy breath dancing in the air.

”Ok, right.”

”We both got things muddled and blamed each other for a long time. He came back a couple of weeks ago. Here, for his art and I didn’t know but we set up a meeting not knowing who we were truly meeting.” Zayn’s small gasps were enough to make Harry shake but he carried on, “it’s been fucking chaos Zayn, chaos and I don’t know where my heads at but he’s always in it. He’s always on my mind and fuck, I’m with him right now. God he got attacked again and I’m so scared, for him and me and I don’t know what to do Zayn.”

“Harry jesus slow down, you’re fine ok just breath for a minute. I don’t quite understand all of this but what do you mean you’re with him now?”

“His business people, I don’t understand it all but they’ve organised an after party type thing tonight, I promised Louis I’d go with him, so I’m at his now, he’s having a bath.” Harry stammered slightly as he thought of what had happened just before Louis had gotten into the bath, how he had left him, hot and worked up with hair falling delicately over his eyes.

“Right, is he ok? You said he had been attacked again? Are you ok?”

”His throat is bruised and he’s shaken up but other than that he’s ok, nervous about tonight. I’m good, nervous too.”

”Shit Harry, ok one promise me you will be really fucking careful tonight? Do you want me to come? Or at least tell me where you’re going and text me if you need anything.” The last word was exaggerated heavily, worry tripping over Zayns speech as Harry agreed. “Second, you still love him don’t you?”

Harry’s world stopped because coming from Zayn it meant everything, Zayn could read him like a book, see right through him and interpret every sound he spoke.

It took a moment before Harry could reply.

”I think so.”

“Don’t fuck it up ok?”

Harry choked on his breath with the bluntness facing him.

”I’m not going to sugarcoat it for you because you deserve more than that. If you love him don’t let him go again. I can hear it in your voice Harry that there’s something serious there so don’t run away from it. In all the years I’ve known you you’ve never held a single strong relationship yet you’re telling me you loved this man. I don’t think you ever stoped loving him.”

”Thank you.” It was all Harry could say because it was all he felt, he was so grateful for Zayn in that moment.

“Text me the address yeah? Be safe Harry.”

”Thank you, I will.”

The line went dead and Harry crumpled against the soft leather with relief. His heart pounded and his head ached but he could think clearly and his eyes could focus again.

He sat like that for time he couldn’t record, buried in his mind.

The click of the bathroom and Louis wrapped in a towel snapped him awake and he turned to stare. The sight took his breath away but if Louis knew he didn’t let on.

”I’m just going to change, we don’t have long. Thank you for waiting.”

He nodded slowly, taking in the contours of Louis’ chest and waist from too far away. Then he had disappeared behind the door and Harry was left alone again, waiting.

 

Louis breathed slowly once he got into his bedroom, Harry had looked terrified when he stepped out of the bathroom. Was he scared of him? He didn’t think he could take that.

Pulling on a rare combination of clothes he felt confident in he brushed out his hair, it was getting too long and he needed to cut it, the ends curling slightly around his ears.

Dragging his fingers softly down his cheeks he studied his weary reflection. The bath had done him good, his shoulders ached less and were no longer so tight as he stood. His jaw wasn't as tight, his eyes glowed but the lines around them showed the slow burn of exhaustion. Then there was his throat, pale skin gave way to threatening patches of darkness, sickly yellow decorating the purple. It was a ribbon with finger marks at the end, harsh thumbprints clear either side of his neck. The sight was bad enough but the reality of the sting when he swallowed was worse. He could speak and was grateful for that but the ache was a reminder of Niall, of what could happen to not only him but Harry.

He had things to do though and couldn’t afford to stand here and wallow in self pity and fear, he was better than that. He could do this.

Walking out to Harry he did all he could to not go weak at the knees at the sight of the man who had since fixed his hair and clothes from their moment before his bath.

“Hey.”

“Hi.”

“Ready to go?”

”Yeah,” he smiled quietly and moved to Harry who stood with a reflecting grin.


	16. Chapter 16

The journey to the venue was uneventful, Harry and Louis walked close enough to feel the others heat but not to touch, palms swinging alongside each other but never making contact. Once inside the thrum of the countless company and sponsor employees, 90% of who Louis had no link to, carried each in different directions, heart rates increasing with the distance between them. Louis was being hustled towards a bar and Harry to a group of people dancing. Each watched the other and as Louis threw himself against a wall, breathless he searched for Harry’s figure weaving through the crowd.

Watching Harry was amusing, they exchanged bemused grins as he headed for Louis, nearly there when a voice exploded in his ear,

”Louis!” Liam was the epitome of excitement, easy joy radiating from him. It was a force that exhilarated Louis, had done since they met and he tore his eyes away from Harry for long enough to face his friend. 

The darkness had concealed Louis' neck well enough, but without Harry’s makeup to confer it up, once Liam focused on him he was quick to notice. 

"I know you said you'd hurt your throat man but what the fuck? What changed since you got home?" His eyes were wide and voice loud with the acceleration of alcohol. 

"Keep it down Liam! It looks worse than it is and I promise I'm fine." Louis was harsher with his tone than intended, but he didn't want others noticing.

"Sorry, sorry. You gonna get round to telling me what happened any time soon?" 

"Yeah, yes I am. I can tell you now but I don't want to put a downer on your evening. You deserve to celebrate too."

It took seconds before Liam was dragging him towards a section of the club that was slightly hidden and clearly reserved for important people. He caught Harry’s eye from afar as they walked, a smile illuminating his face. Then he was standing inside a warm room, there were crimson curtains hanging from the walls and creating a small entrance, lights were strung from the ceiling delicately, glowing golden and casting shadows across the floor, which in itself was a black and gold marble masterpiece. The seats too were a deep red, facing into royal navy tables where large drinks sat in sparkling glasses, elegant decorations spilling gently from their tops.

"Are we allowed back here?" Louis' voice was light with shock as he took in his surroundings, it was a world away from the bustle of bodies just behind the heavy curtains.

"Yeah, I arranged us an area when I got here, the things I do for you Louis Tomlinson." He hurried them into a corner where Louis almost bounced off of one of the velvet lined chairs. "Now, let's hear it."

It took a moment to gather his thoughts before Louis replied hesitantly, "are we alone here?"

"Apart from the guy on the bar and that group of rich oldies over there," Liam gestured to the table where Louis had seen the expensive drinks walking in, "then it's just me and you. They can't hear us anyway."

Louis nodded before carrying on, swallowing the lump of sudden aprehension in his throat. "Y’know Harry?"

"From today, the one you’re head over heels for?"

"Yeah,"

"Did he do this? He hurt you last time as well, Louis I swear to god I'll -"

"No Liam, god no. You know I said stuff from my past came up and that's why we stopped speaking and I hated him for so long?" Liam nodded slowly, eyes burning. 

“Right so that past was a group of people I used to be involved with. I left and they wanted revenge I guess? Or warning type thing, so they beat him up, twisting it and dragging him to make me think he cheated on me and left with another guy, him thinking I hurt him.” Louis voice quivered as he said that, the thought of Harry believing he would lay a finger on him crushing his heart. “Anyway, we have obviously since worked this out. Yesterday night though, one of those people, who really has it in for me came back. He threatened me, as you can see, and then fucked off. God Li, I don’t know where he is, if he still wants to hurt me or Harry, or you! I want you all to be safe and I don’t know what to do.” His resolve was crumbling yet again and it was a chore to stop the tears from escaping past his eyelashes.

“Fuck Louis, what the fuck. Why didn’t you tell me this sooner?” 

Louis shook his head. 

“Oh my god Lou. Right what’s this guy look like?”

”His names Niall, he’s got bleached blonde hair, thick Irish accent, not overly tall or beefy but he’s got presence. Fucking stairs at you like he wants to burn you.”

”What?” That was Harry’s voice, tone low and shocked as he spoke from behind them. Louis watched Liam’s focus change to beyond him and turned to look too. 

The man seemed to turn up any moment Louis needed rooting to the ground and he was glad he had finally tracked him down. 

“Hey, are you ok?”

”Did you say Niall was Irish? With bleach blonde hair? Stocky?”

”Yeah.”

”I’ve seen him, a few days ago. He walked into me.”

Just like that Louis’ world was tumbling again, Niall had found Harry, had found him, probably knew Liam. He choked on a sob, his desperate eyes boring into Harry’s. The man made his way to the table and sat next to Louis, moving a hand to rest on his shaking thigh. 

“He didn’t touch me, I’m fine Louis I promise.” It was taking a lot for Harry to keep his cool, adrenaline heating his veins as he bounced a leg nervously. 

“Good to see you again Harry, you ok? He just caught me up on this whole situation.”

”You too, I’m good. Ok, what do you think?”

”What do I think? You two are fucking delusional! I think you need to go to the police.”

”No Liam, no, no we can’t.” 

“What do you mean Louis? This Niall has physically threatened you, and the small matter of this attack in the past. Of course you need to go to the police.”

”Look you don’t understand how dangerous they are, this is a gang Liam. A proper gang, they kill people.” Louis whispered the last part, memories of blood flitting through his mind.

How did evenings change so quickly, it felt like change was all that happened now. 

“Slow down, murder?”

Louis only nodded again, felling Harry stiffen beside him.

”Fuck Louis. Fuck.”

The three sat like that, despair rolling between them for what seemed a century. 

Around them, drinks were poured and toasts cheered, the party swinging whilst they sat stoic. 

Forever good, Liam was the first to speak.

”Im going to need more time to fully process what you’ve told me. I think we’re pretty safe here and to be honest I came to celebrate, so that’s what I’m going to do. So are the two of you seeing as you’re the artists. Let’s get a drink down us, on me.” He sighed and stood up, forcing a lopsided grin over his cheeks. 

Harry and Louis followed suit, ordering shots and cocktails as fast as they could be served. 

Liam was right, they were here to celebrate and they should, Louis had lifted his business off the ground, was here with his best friend and the man he loved, it all made sense in his drunk mind and he took advantage of the little care he had. Harry much felt the same, he had kickstarted his photography with the help of the man he loved and was here with good people.

The alcohol ticked through their blood and as the night wore on they got closer and closer. If Louis wasn’t making small talk with an equally drunk ceo, he was hanging from Harry’s broad shoulders, laughing as dirty whispers echoed around his mind. Liam could be found chatting up a girl in a dark corner if he wasn’t helping make connections and he deeply enjoyed getting to know Harry if he wasn’t fawning over Louis. 

 It seemed they had blinked and people were starting to file out, drinks no longer being served and the music dimming. Harry, Louis and Liam stumbled out into the cold air, the London breeze a slap in the face.

 “How’re you two lovers getting, going home tonight eh? Do I need to order you a taxi?” Even drunk Liam was kind and Louis’ heart could have burst at the love e felt for his friend then. 

“Harry’s coming home with me, mm no he has work, I’m going home with Harry.” He clutched at strong arms and they supported him, unsteady themselves.

”Come home with me?”

“That’s what I just said I would dummy, yes yes.”

”Taxi!” Liam shouted and jumped, waving sporadically at the black cab sulking down the road.

It pulled over and the driver rolled the window down, raking eyes over the three of them. 

“Where to?” 

Liam reeled off his agreed and Harry his, bodies piling heavily into the car. 

The journey was slow and overpriced, traffic and nightlife delaying them more times than they could count. 

Liam left first, looking down the path and chuckling as he wished them a good night. Then Louis and Harry were alone in the back seats, the leather between them too far and touching hands not enough skin. It was agonising keeping civil whilst the driver took them home, finally though, finally they could step into the cool mist of the early morning and thank him. Moving up the metal stairs to Harry’s, laughs littered the way until the door was clicking open and silencing them through opportunity. 

Opportunity to now furiously grab at each other, lips meeting in a blaze of desire. 

“Harry,”

”Mhm,”

”We made it, the nights done.”

”Yeah, we did.”

Gasps broke up the conversation as they struggled to get impossibly closer, heat pushing and pulling them in all directions. 

Louis hit the bed, Harry straddling his hips, how they got there neither knew but they were glad. Reaching down to draw a thumb gently around Louis’ mouth, Harry spoke softly.

”I’m so drunk Lou,” he almost moaned as the words fell from his pink lips.

Louis giggled as his tongue darted out to meet Harry’s finger, “me too.”

Bending over to kiss Louis again, Harry began to drag a hand across his shirt, growing ever frustrated with the clothing. It was constricting access to Louis’ skin and that wasn’t ok, so before long the shirt was on the ground beside the bed, Harry’s closely following as Louis balanced them. 

“Want you,” the muffled murmurs as Louis moaned into Harry’s hair were barely audible, just enough though that Harry took it as signal  it was ok to kiss down his stomach. The muscles beneath soft skin quivered, feeling Harry’s smile melt against the warmth. 

“Can I?” 

“Please.” The drawn out word betrayed Louis’ desperation and it was all Harry needed to pull the waistband of his trousers down. They too ended up on the floor, leaving bare thighs exposed. The material clung to his body and he lifted his hips upwards, begging with his actions, but above all Harry was a tease and he denied the boy beneath him what he wanted. Instead he traced and tapped agonising patterns against the sensitive skin on the inside of Louis' thigh, eventually the needy whines got to Harry and he gave in, sucking dark marks over the goosebumps. 

"Please,"

"Please what baby?" Harry was a lusty drunk and Louis was a desperate one, both hopelessly sappy and unable to further deny each other.

"Fuck you,"

"I did say later didn't I?"  He was sex personified and Louis was rendered speechless, not only by the intense kiss that followed. 

"God, Harry,"

"Say my name again," he mumbled as he grasped Louis unruly hair in his large hands, mirroring the way Louis clutched at his own curls as if they were the only thing tethering him to the earth.  

"Harry, Harry," he was breathless now, pulling at Harry's own trousers in an attempt to remove them, "c'mon." 

"Slow down," the tall man sat up and shuffled backwards, relieving the pressure on Louis' legs. He stood and shimmied out of the clothes, smirking as he stared into Louis' eyes, watching them scour his body in awe. "Better?" He asked as he crawled back up the bed.

"Yes." He was ablaze with energy as he flipped them now, painting along Harry's collarbones with a warm tongue. Insufferable noises left the both of them as they moved together, fuelled by each other's heat until they were completely naked, the feeling of bare skin touching skin and the need to be closer overcoming them. He traced the outlines of Harry’s tattoos, the swallows on his chest captivating Louis’ fingers. As if he was drawing them he followed the lines, shading where he wanted with the lightest brush, tickling Harry as his breath rose against his ribs. 

Breathing heavily, Harry flipped them again, pushing Louis into the bed, the mattress dipping under his shoulders. He arched his back upwards and into Harry’s touch, spine rolling as he moved down his chest and hips, resting just below his pelvis.

All of a sudden there was wet and warmth around Louis, he gasped in surprise and tossed his head backwards, eyes squeezing shut and neck strained. 

Harry began to move, mouth and tongue working to break Louis down, heat gathering in the pit of his stomach already.

”Harry,” his name was light and airy, dropping from Louis’ lips breathlessly. 

He groaned around Louis, prompting him to say his name again and causing the boy to buck his hips. 

“H, Harry, oh my,” the words rolled away as he rolled his tongue on Louis tip and he was gone. Repeating Harry’s name in a lost mumble as he came. The sight was enough to tip Harry over the edge, his eyes closing with the strain as he collapsed heavily next to Louis. 

They were dirty and they were exhausted, smelling of alcohol and sweat and sex. Laying tangled together was too heavenly to give up though, the chill of the morning unwelcoming. 

They curled together silently under the covers, folding into one another. 

“Are you ok?” Louis was spent and tipsy but he cared nonetheless and Harry’s quiet unsettled him slightly. 

“Mm, you?” 

“Very ok.”

They lay like that until Harry was sure Louis had fallen asleep in his arms. He reached a hand out to feel his wrist, trying to feel the gentle pulse beneath the skin. Drunk himself he misjudged the rhythm of Louis’ intoxicated and post sex pulse, believing he was asleep.

He very nearly was but when he heard Harry began to speak he listened carefully.

“I love you, today.” Even after the night Louis could almost feel the  sincerity of the slowly spoken words. 

He wanted desperately to reply but at heart he was a coward and in truth the words scared him, it chilled him to the bone because he knew they were true, because he knew what it was like to feel that way. 

As he did drift into unconsciousness, he answered in his mind, _I love you too, always_.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Thank you so much for reading this far, I’m enjoying writing this a hell of a lot, it’s nothing special but I hope you enjoy it too :)

It may have been the pounding headache that woke Harry, it could have been the harsh light, equally there was a possibility it was the empty space beside him on the bed.  Whichever it was he was definitely awake, his mouth tasted stale, tongue heavy and dry, his stomach twisted, head and hands clammy. _One hell of a hangover._

He breathed slowly, the ache in the front of his head never dulling, fuelling the pain in his eyes as he tried to blink the light away. Sighing he slumped further into bed, inhaling the familiar smell of his bedsheets, and Louis. That's when last night came crashing down around him, memories of the party and Louis filtering chaotically through his mind, he tried to piece the shards of recollection together. It was hazy but eventually a thin timeline formed, at the beginning was leaving Louis in the bath and at the end was telling him he loved him.  _Loved him._ No matter how hard he squeezed his eyes it didn't disappear, he could still feel the way the words had dropped through the thick air now and it terrified him. Something in his gut lurched and before he knew it he was stumbling to the toilet, retching on the floor and thanking the heaven's above that Louis had been asleep last night. As he emptied his mostly empty stomach he wondered where Louis was, obviously he had come back here last night but where had he gone? Surely he wouldn't have just left.

God had he pushed them too far? Had he scared him away? He had lost Louis once and all of a sudden he didn't think he was capable of surviving the loss again. In a matter of weeks he had fallen into and through the black hole that was Louis, the other side of hating him was much brighter and he never wanted to look behind again. He couldn't, it would break him. Before he had time to truly begin to panic though, footsteps rushed towards him and a gentle hand was on his back.

"Hey, too much to drink hm?"

Harry nodded, reaching for something to wipe his mouth with.

"You're ok," his voice was getting much better, no longer so hoarse and worn and as Harry turned to face him he noticed the bruise around his neck was no longer dark and threatening. Still a sickly yellow ribbon it was a reminder of the danger, but didn't look so painful for which he was glad.

"Thank you, sorry for being so drunk last night."

"I don't mind drunk Harry too much, he's horny." Louis grinned, his smile illuminating the room, chuckling as Harry groaned in shame.

"You can get quite excited yourself mind,” he gave a weak smile too, his body doing a crap job of supporting him. 

“You aren’t planning on going into work today are you?”

”Shit, I have to, I already got the day off yesterday.” Distress flashed mildly across his face, imagining the way Joyce was going to be if he didn’t come in, or was late. “Oh god, what’s the time?” 

“Half-seven,” 

“Thank fuck, I need to get ready.” 

“Harry, you’ve just thrown up, and I know for a fact you didn’t sleep so well. Please take the day off, or at least the morning, or work from home.”

“Hey, I’ve worked through many a hangover before, I’ll be fine don’t worry.” He stood on shaky legs, knees wobbling. “How long have you been up?” 

Louis reached out a hand to steady him, replying with doubtful eyes. “Not long, hungover myself so grabbed a drink and some toast. Is that ok? I can pay you back obviously.”

”Shut up it’s just bread and water, go back to bed if you need and I’ll make you a proper breakfast when I’m out of the shower yeah?”

“Mhm, you wouldn’t be able to just show me where the bed is again would you?” God Harry wanted to pick him up and make him forget his name. 

“Louis,” he shut his eyes and gathered his thoughts, “I really need to get ready.” 

“I could help you get ready?” He was so goddamned attractive, he’s confidence was a huge fucking turn on but even Harry could hear the flicker of doubt as he was denied. 

It was too much, but he smelt and tasted of sick and sweat and stale alcohol. “Tell you what, I’m going to wash off last night, whilst you find the bed. You’ve got 3 minutes.” 

The way his lips lifted up and his tongue darted out to wet them told Harry Louis understood completely. It was all he could do to stay in place as he watched him sashay away down the hall. It was possibly the longest shower of his life, precariously balancing the toothbrush in his mouth whilst running shampoo through his hair. He almost gave himself whiplash with how violently he towelled his hair off and had to pause for breath whilst delicately wrapping another towel around his hips. Checking in the mirror he noticed red marks decorated his back and collar bones, a warm reminder of the night before. 

He blew out and left the room, hesitating before walking into the bedroom. And fuck, Louis was naked apart from his boxers and he had strewn his limbs out in such a way Harry could have fainted at the sight.

”Well hello, I see you, uh found the bed then.”

“Mhm, it really is quite comfortable, actually I think I could just about fall asleep right now.” He feigned a coy yawn, catching Harry’s eyes just so.

“I think it’s a bit early, to going to sleep already, don’t you?”

”Change my mind.”

It was all over then. In that moment Harry would have quit work and bought a house so he had somewhere to convince Louis sleep was a true waste of time for the rest of their lives. 

He was scrambling up the bed and over Louis before he boy had a chance to breathe, losing the towel and Louis’ boxers conveniently on the way. 

Unfortunately the red alarm clock numbers beside the bed were a constant reminder they didn’t have the rest of their lives and so Harry only had 15 minutes to change Louis’ mind. 

He spent those 15 minutes making Louis forget he had even considered sleep before, until all he could see and think and feel was Harry, and that was just fine with him. 

It was a luxurious start to a Wednesday morning and it was agony leaving Louis alone in the apartment. His apartment. 

He did though, he had to if he wanted to pay this months rent for said apartment. He didn’t mind letting Louis stay, he knew deep under the bravado he had showed this morning there was still fear tied to the world before him. He had seen it in the way his voice wavered when mentioning going home and how he had hugged Harry before he left. 

It didn’t take long for Harry to get to work, once there he settled into meeting clients and drawing out plans, his chat with Joyce about yesterday’s success only slightly betraying the fun he had truly had. 

He tried to keep the amount he texted Louis down but it was hard, the desire to know how he was getting he better if him on many occasions. As lunch rolled around he debated heading home, from what he had gathered Louis hadn’t left yet. Liam was doing the first shift on the shop today - sending a drunken text last night explaining how he knew Louis would be drunk, and tired, he made several not so subtle innuendos and hints throughout. By the time Louis had read the message it was too late to argue and Liam had already set up. 

With a heavy 20 minutes to go Harry got a text from Louis. He said he would meet him for lunch if he wanted/was convenient and would go to the shop after. 

He replied saying he’d love to and they decided on a little cafe that did gorgeous toasted sandwich’s.

 

As Louis left Harry’s he felt like a teenager again, head over heels for the boy with dark curls and dimples and green eyes that were good competition for the emeralds that sparkled on rings. 

His cheeks flushed whenever he thought about him and it was sending him insane. He had been around the man for only a month and suddenly he was willing to move heaven and earth for him. It couldn’t be normal, or healthy, yet part of him screamed this was just how it was meant to be. He wasn’t one for fate but the angel on his shoulder wouldn’t shut up about Harry being his soulmate, it didn’t take long for the devil to counteract though - laughing cruelly and telling him he had lost his mind. 

Maybe he had and maybe it was meant to be but whatever the truth he knew he loved Harry.

Loved the way he spoke, drawing out his words, how his eyes lit up and dimples softened when he smiled, how he was just the right height for Louis to rest his head against his neck, how his hair was just the right length for Louis to curl his fingers in and how Harry knew him so intensely. 

 He couldn’t quite grasp how he really did love Harry. He had spent six long years despising the ground he walked on and the air he breathed, it had so changed so fast. If he had met any other man and spent a month with them he wouldn’t feel anything near as comfortable around them as with Harry, maybe that was love and maybe that was the past.

He wanted it beyond desperately to be his future though, he felt some ridiculous fairytale pull towards Harry and didn’t think he could stay away for very long. 

How had he spent six years away, how? 

He remembered everything about how Harry had told him he loved him, the way he spoke and how each syllable sounded in the silence of the night. It was killing him. He knew Harry had thought he was asleep, was he scared of him? 

Louis didn’t blame him, he was terrified too. They weren’t going to get anywhere living in fear of each other though. Where even where they? 

They hadn’t once had a conversation about what they actually wanted. For all he knew Harry could see this as a one night stand or friends with benefits or even a business fling. The words of the kind woman he had met earlier in the week echoed in his ears and he set his heart on talking to Harry today, to find out where they stood.

 

He had given himself just enough time to get home and get changed, but he was cutting it really fine, turning up to the cafe only a few minutes late. He wasn't sure if the constant unease and fear had sped him up or slowed him down.

Harry was sat in the corner of the cafe, next to the window, he was apparently engrossed in the menu but Louis could see his eyes weren't scanning the page. He looked as gorgeous as ever and it made his heart wrench. Stepping towards him he managed to walk into a table, so captivated by Harry he had forgotten to look where he was going. The stumble caused Harry to snap his head up, standing rapidly as Louis half ran half fell into him.

"Still drunk I see," the hand on his arm was warm and he was grateful for the support.

"Fuck off, how's your killer hangover?"

"Just fine thank you." They sat down together, slightly breathless. They pondered the menus in a heavy silence, the presence of the other too much to bear.

"What are you gonna get?"

"Uh, the Halloumi and Red Pepper panini sounds really good, you?

"Probably just a mushroom and emmental toastie, fancy us?"

"Very, who would have thought eh?" They smiled across at each other, eyes meeting a surge of anxiousness and anticipation.

"Thank you for letting me stay last night and this morning," god he was tired of the small talk. He wanted Harry to tell him about everything he had done since they had been apart, all of his experiences and fears and joys.

"Honesty it's no problem, it was my pleasure." The way he said the last word nearly drove Louis crazy, he could play that game too though.

"Really, the pleasure, was all mine." He could see the change in Harry's face when he spoke, he did a good job of masking it but not good enough.

The waitress conveniently interrupted them and after ordering they made agonizing small talk again, emphasising certain words when possible to dig at the other, when their food came conversation poicked up again. They had a safe backup.

"I have a question,"

"Fire away," Harry picked at the strings of cheese falling from his toastie, rolling the thin pieces around his fork.

"What are we doing? It's just a lot y'know, seeing you after all this time. I'm so glad we've talked, that we know what actually happened, and believe me I'm sorry for the six years I've spent hating you. Spending this time together recently, I don't know how you feel but it's made me realise how I feel."

Louis' breath hitched in his throat as he raised his eyes tentatively to Harry's green ones. They bore into his own, flickers of different emotions running wild through them.

"I understand. It has been a lot. It's made me think too. How is it you feel?"

"God, not to be overly forward but there's a lot I still feel for you."

The word 'still' was heavy in the air between them. Louis wondered wether to say he had heard Harry telling him he loved him last night. Would that be fair?

"There's a lot I still feel for you too."

They stared at each other with baited breath, unsure how much each felt comfortable saying, or hearing. Louis somehow found the strength to see that if he hid, he would push Harry away, that wasn't worth not putting himself on the line.

"Fuck, I want to be with you Harry. Impossibly more than before. I do, I really do. I can't get enough of you and it terrifies me. I think I love you Harry. I don't think I ever stopped and I, I heard you last night, saying you loved me." The words were weighty, carrying with them years of trapped emotion and pain. It was silly, sitting as they were in a small London cafe where they felt more vulnerable than they ever were stripped naked.

"Shit." Harry's eyes shut as he tried to organise words, preventing the tears gathering in his eyes. "All I can say is that I know I was drunk last night, and stupidly I thought you were asleep and somehow that made it easier to say but I do love you. I always have."

"What are we going to do," it was more a statement of despair than a question as Louis reached across to Harry, grasping his hand in his own. "I don't know how quickly I can do this, I don't want to ruin it by trying to force what we once had. We aren't the same people."

"No I agree, that's smart." He squeezed the smaller hand covering his. "We try, get to know each other? Just take each day as it comes."

"Sounds good to me, I wouldn't mind getting to know you over again." Smiles reflected off each other, something still hung in Louis' mind though. "Would you still want to see other people?"

"No," it came out harsher than Harry expected, "sorry, no, I wouldn't."

"I wouldn't either," his heart beat out of his chest and he squeezed Harry's hand beneath his. He couldn't believe this was happening, his life at the moment was a rollercoaster and he didn't want to get off. 

They finished their meal quietly, bashfully grinning at each other like heart eyed teens.

Too soon there was no bread left to eat and no drops of water they could pull from their glasses and it was time to leave. Reality was a cruel woman and she enjoyed tugging Harry back to work and Louis towards his shop too much. Harry kissed Louis on the cheek before they parted, wishing him a good afternoon and promising to see him later.

Louis could have swooned over him all day but he had to take over from Liam at some point.

 

When he got to the shop he found Liam lazing behind the counter on his phone.

"Practically rushed off of your feet I see?"

"Oh yeah mate, it's choccer in here," he was happy to see Louis in one piece and the devilish grin that followed meant he was in for a long conversation. "How's your hangover hm? Harry got anything to help with those?"

Louis swatted at his head playfully, unable to hide the smirk that spread between his cheeks. "Piss off! I'm feeling just fine for your information, and so is Harry."

"Help him out with feeling just fine did you?"

"Maybe, maybe not," he laughed as he disappeared up the back stairs, feet pounding against the stairs. Liam called out behind him,

"I'm going to get lunch! No problem covering for you this morning! I'll be back though, we  have meetings and projects to organise. Bye playboy!"

He was lucky to get out as Louis ran for him down the stairs, muttering curses as he warned him about coming back too soon.

It was quiet once Liam had left, Louis sensing the emptiness of the room. It wasn't a bad empty, simply empty, for what was the point in art if there was no one to witness it?

He nipped upstairs again and grabbed his laptop, he needed to respond to emails and check out a few companies and venues that wanted to work with him. Whilst moving to London and getting the shop set up he hadn't had a chance to work on anything and it was getting to him. Art was his release as well as his job, he could enjoy it by itelf but he needed the paintbrush as much as it needed him. The shop had come with a room upstairs that as well as an office was perfect for a studio, but he couldn't be up there and watching the desk at the same time. Liam and him were planning on hiring someone to work full time in the shop but it was proving harder than expected.

Liam returned with coffee for them both and they settled into discussing projects that had been proposed, designs people wanted and commisions from people with more money than sense. The afternoon was a long but productive one and both felt like they had accomplished an organised plan for the upcoming months. It was good to feel organised again, the upheaval of life caused by moving was an exciting but annoying one and the chaos it created was not one Louis or Liam was inclined to want for a while yet. 

“I think that about does it mate,”

Louis sighed with a smile, “just about.”

”Do you want to go get a drink?”

”I think I’m going to stay, start some stuff in the studio, it’s been too long since I’ve worked, plus I don’t think I can drink for another month after how much I had last night.”

”Famous last words! Alright though, I’m shattered so I’m gonna head home, I’ll see you tomorrow?” 

“See you mate,” he waved wearily as Liam left, leaving him alone in the gallery.

He moved to lock the doors, still apprehensive about the gang. Flicking the lights off he then climbed the stairs to the studio office above, the streetlights from outside lit up the room with an orange glow, casting distorted shadows to fall across the walls. It was an oddly pleasant atmosphere and Louis decided to keep the lights off. 

He pulled a small canvas from the corner of the room, grabbing paint and pencils on the way. He propped it up against the wall opposite the windows so the light fell onto it, and sat down before it. Taking a pencil he began to sketch shapes onto the canvas, lines turning into forms and eventually an image. 

As he reached for his brushes his phone rang out in the silence, startling him into spilling the water he had opened. 

Looking at his phone he saw it was Harry, he shoved the mobile in between his shoulder and ear and lurched for something to wipe up the wet.

”Hiya,”

”Hey, how was your day?”

”Uh, great yeah, organised business stuff with Liam mostly, you?”

”Same old stuff, you sound a bit flustered?”

”I spilt water, everywhere.”

”Of course you did, how did that happen?”

”It’s really quiet here and the phone made me jump, so your fault really.” Harry could hear the breathless smile in his voice. 

“I won’t be your scapegoat Louis Tomlinson, where are you that’s so quiet?”

”Stayed at the shop, the office above is also sort of a studio and I needed to paint something, it’s been months since I’ve had a chance.” 

“Ah I see, would it be easier if I left you to it?”

”No, no not at all! No I’ll just clear this up and put you on speaker, be nice to have the company.” Lpuis almsot fell over himself trying to make it clear he wanted to talk to Harry, it suprised him really, over the years he had grown to love spending time alone but now he craved the presence of Harry all the time. 

He sat the phone on the ground and put it on speaker, pulling his hoodie and then top over his head, throwing the latter over the water. 

“Damnit,” he muttered. 

“What?”

”You know the top I was wearing today?”

”Mhm,”

”One of my favourites, but apparently there’s nothing in this place to clean up water with so my beautiful top has been demoted to tea towel.”

”Louis! You could have used anything else,”

”There isn’t anything else! And I sure as fuck am not using my hoodie, that’s precious.”

Harry couldn’t help but chuckle, Louis’ behaviour forever amusing him. 

“Laugh away Styles, you can buy me a new top.”

”Wouldn't mind taking you shopping,”

”Uh, you’re impossible,”

”To forget? Not love? The possibilities are endless.”

Louis could only laugh, and as he painted the evening brought more laughter and accompanying smiles. Before they knew it they had been talking for hours and it was completely dark outside and Louis was beginning to panic. 

“Shit, I need to get home Harry, it’s so dark.”

”Hey don’t worry - there’s tons of people and loads of lighting, you’ve got nothing to be worried about ok? I can stay on the phone with you?” 

“Yeah, yeah please, if that’s ok?”

”Of course, pack up yeah I’m gonna get a drink,”

Louis had to stop himself from scoffing, it was such a domestic thing for them to be doing, but he couldn’t thank Harry enough for being so thoughtful.

He not so carefully shoved his stuff into draws and left the painting out on the desk, haphazardly grabbing his t-shirt from its place on the floor and wringing it out over the open window. Still damp he didn’t dare put it on in the chill of the London evening and so tried to find warmth within his hoodie as he left. Pressing the phone to his ear he spoke quietly, breath clear in the air before him.

”You there?” 

The clank of a mug answered him before words, “hey, yeah I’m here. Remember your top?”

”As a matter of fact I did, you doubt me too much.”

”Mhm, what train are you getting?”

”The tube and I’m not sure yet, whichever comes first and goes where I want.” 

They chatted aimlessly until Louis arrived at the station, “I’m gonna lose signal in a minute so I’ll say goodbye now, I’ll let you know when I’m home? Thank you so much for this Harry. Means a lot to me.”

Harry could hear the way his voice softened the genuine thanks, it broke his heart how vulnerable Louis felt and he wanted nothing more than to make him feel safe again. 

“Goodnight Lou, you know I’d never mind, sleep well.”

”You too, goodnight H.”

The line crackled and Louis stepped out alone into the station, everyone a stranger that wasn’t Harry. He made it home fine, neck acheing from looking over his shoulder so much by the time he unlocked the front door. Then he was safe and fine and tiredness got the better of him, he let Harry know he was home ok and collapsed into bed. 

He failed to notice the neatly folded slip of paper that had been posted through his front door with his name in dark, black ink, scrawled violently over the crisp white.


	18. Chapter 18

It was almost disappointing to not wake up next to a warm body. Louis immediately missed the steady heat beside him, the slow breath of another and the way he could curl against their body for comfort. 

He also missed the good morning sex. 

Sighing as he rubbed his aching eyes, he swung his heavy legs out from under the duvet, they protested at the sudden drop in temperature and he rubbed his arms lazily, walking towards the bathroom. His shorts were loose on his waist and his t-shirt hung from his shoulders, he shivered almost violently as he turned to face himself in the mirror. 

His eyes, whilst happy, were heavy, his face gaunt and bones overly pronounced. He realised yesterday's lunch was the first time he had had a normal meal since he had started thinking about the gang again. Shit.

He wasn’t going to let them get to him this way, they had already done enough damage. If he was going to be looking over his shoulder all the time he was going to be doing it with a healthy heart, he deserved better. 

A surge of pride accompanied his thoughts, it wasn’t often he was good to himself mentally. Hoping he had enough time he hopped in the shower, the waves of warm water covering him a much needed comfort. He then toasted a bagel and grabbed an orange to eat on the way to the tube, gulping a glass of water in one. As the glass hit the table, something flew off the other end. 

It landed with a light pat on the floor and lay glaring at Louis from below. He crouched swiftly to reach it, holding it up to eye level. _'Tomlinson._ ’ had been viciously written, the ink seemed darker than any he’d seen before and it stood against the pale paper threateningly.

His lips pursed together, face dropping with his mood whilst a thousand fears raced through his mind. What the fuck was this. With shaking fingers he unfolded the thin paper, eyes scanning the words at breakneck speed. There really weren’t many words to read but he had to look at them over and over to make sense of it. His heart fell through his ribs and his breathing intensified until he was running out of air, the room was shrinking and the floor was swimming and he couldn’t see straight anymore. 

 _Fuck, fuck, fuck._ It always came crashing down in the end didn’t it? Every time it fucking smashed into a million pieces. 

Trying to breath properly he thought of Harry, he wanted Harry, needed Harry, needed to touch him, know he was real and safe and here, needed him to steady him like he always did. It was becoming more and more obvious Louis was no good for Harry though, he had torn his life apart once and he couldn’t do it again. Yet he didn't believe for a minute he could let him go any more than he would survive losing him. 

Maybe he was meant to be alone, fall victim to the past as an example to others, maybe Harry was meant to live his own life away from Louis. Maybe they were meant to be together, just not in this world. 

Then the reasonable part of his brain kicked into motion.

They were not going to do this again, something was telling him that he deserved the happiness Harry brought him, and that Harry would do anything to keep him around. If Louis was one thing he was stubborn and he was not going to roll over and let Niall snatch happiness from his fingers, no matter how weak a grip they had. 

He took a deep breath, he needed to do this right if he was going to do it at all. Then another thought entered his min. 

How had it got to the table? If it was there and not just posted through the door someone had acccess to the flat. _No_. 

He would have noticed if there was a break in, surely, so how had they gotten in? Louis’ heart was beating so fast he was sure it was going to burst right through his chest. 

Padding lightly into his room, as if he was trying to make sure no one heard him, he began to throw clothes into a bag,  grabbing at toiletries and work papers.

On his way out, bag slung loosely over his arm he called a hotel. It was small, nothing special or exciting but he couldn’t afford luxury for an unknown period of time and so it would have to do. He bypassed his car, not wanting to make it clear he was gone. His life was beginning to turn into a myriad of his impulsive decisions and it worried him, he couldn't live like this, he wouldn't. Yet here he was, running from the problem, like he always had done, running and running until he couldn't see the beginning or the end. _Stop._ Was this the right thing to do? _Fuck no._ Was he going to do it? _Yes._

He went straight to the shop to open, he wouldn't be able to get into his room until 3pm anyway. When he got there he slung the bag of his stuff haphazardly in the office upstairs. Leaving it there he vowed to block out that part of his life for now, the stress was causing him to shut off from it and he decided he would rather be numb to it than crash and burn.

He forced himself into continuing to plan projects with companies and venues whilst helping customers. His replies were jittery more often than not but he had to respond sooner or later to questions and would rather get it out the way, plus, the earlier he learned of an idea the faster he could start work. Talking to people who genuinly cared about his art was a feeling like no other and whilst dim today it helped immensly with distracting him from what he had recieved this morning. He tried his best not to snap at children and to be as helpful as possible, but was relieved beyond belief when Harry walked through the door.

It was mid afternoon and sunlight reflected off the windows and hit his cheekbones at just the right angle, his lips were the perfect shade of pink and his dark curls fell in a way that framed his face just so, his endless legs effortlessly stepped long strides as he approached Louis. The smaller boy had to tear his gaze away to finish speaking to a young man interested in one of his older pieces. It was a pleasant conversation and one that was likely to earn him money, but the pull of the man admiring his art in the corner was a much more interesting idea. He agreed the man would come back later with his partner, saying goodbye before sauntering over to Harry.

"Hello you," he gently wrapped his arms around Harry's waist, "what's a masterpiece like you doing in my boring art gallery? You should be in the Tate."

"I think you're the one that belongs in the Tate, actually, you deserve your own established gallery, mhm, I think I'd like that."

"Shut up," he laughed but it was weak, it was suddenly quite overwhelming having Harry here.

The broad man turned around, laying his hands on Louis' shoulders, "hey, why so down?"

His eyes flicked away, eyelids heavy. "I'm just tired, I just want to go home and sleep to be honest, cup of tea would be nice."

"Shut early, I'll make you tea."

"Even if I did, I can't go home."

Harry's eyes narrowed, expression hardening.

"Why?"

"I got a letter, well note. From Niall."

"What? What did it say?" The words were harsh, forced out of his mouth slowly as he tried to stay calm, hands tightening their grip on Louis small shoulders.

"It was a threat, that and he wants something from me. I don't know what but he wants to see me and, and I can't do that Harry. If I see him again I think I might throw up, and they must have got into my flat because it was on the table this morning. That means they can get in and I don't feel safe there." Louis focused on Harry's eyes as he spoke, it helped his breathing and stopped his eyes from letting tears fall. "I've booked a hotel, while I figure out what I'm going to do, it's close to here so that's ok. That's good."

"No. Absolutely not."

"What? I'm ok Harry, I promise, I just don't want to be in the flat alone is all."

"You're not staying in a shitty hotel alone for god know's how long, stay with me."

"I can't, that's not fair on you." Trying to lighten the heavy mood he added, "plus, you couldn't possibly put up with me."

"Louis, you forget we spent a whole summer and half a year practically living together." He was right, both had been granted accomodation near the college as they didn't live close enough and had spent the majority of their time at each other's places, plus the summer touring the festivals.

"Harry, I,"

"No, please Louis, for my sanity if nothing else."

"I really don't think,"

"It's not just me loving you anymore Lou," his voice dropped impossibly low, soft as he murmered, "it's your safety and, and that means the world to me."

Louis rested his head on Harry's chest, the rhythmic rise and fall steadying his heartbeat, feeling it fall into sync with Harry's. "Thank you," he murmured into his chest and Harry hugged him hard, he could feel the worry enveloped inside it.

"I love you today."

“I love you too, always."

Soft lips met his forehead and he couldn't place when Harry had grown so much taller than him, he used to be able to look directly into his emerald eyes but now he had to strain his neck to see upwards. Nevertheless the moment of peace they shared then seemed to stop the world around them, everything slowed as time waited for them to break apart. Louis thought if he ever had to let go he might just crumble to pieces, Harry was thinking if he ever lost sight of Louis he would shatter.

Too soon though a woman was making her way through the door, her feet dragging slightly on the floor.

"Harry?" The man begrudgingly released Louis and turned, his face lifting as he focused on the older woman,

"Louise!"

"Fancy seeing you here dear, who's this?"

 As Louis too turned to her, her eyes lit up, "Louis isn't it? You sat on my wall." Her eyes crinkled as she talked, warming the room. "Ah I said I'd be round to visit."

"How are you?" Harry and Louis spoke perfectly in sync, laughing as they did so.

"Good thank you, how have you both been, Harry it feeks like months since I've seen you."

Harry spoke first, "I'm really good thank you, I didn't know you two knew each other?"

"Neither you two," now Louise and Louis spoke together, her chuckle causing them all to glow.

"Harry and I have know each other since college, drifted apart for a bit but, seemingly fate wanted me to put up with his crap some more," he laughed as he nudged Harry, who scowled in distaste.

"It's me who has to put up with this one, he may be small but he's a large pain."

“Hey! Well I’m going to prove my non pain-ness and show Louise your photos.”

Harry groaned quietly, hiding a smile as Louis walked with purpose to what he called ‘Harry’s Wall’.

“This is all his,” The words were breathy with admiration, “and this, is my favourite.” He pointed to a close up photo of a crack in a wall. It was a simple shot but there were different types of life in the small area, tiny bugs and tiny shoots scuttled and grew, Harry had captured the moment a butterfly came to rest on the brick and the sun had illuminated the colours on its wings. It was stunning, and it was a place they had spent countless happy times. 

“Wow, that’s incredible Harry. Well done dear.”

”Honestly they aren’t that great,”

”Bullshit and you know it,” Louis stated, eyes burning into Harry’s with a grin so wide Harry thought it could light up the world. 

Louise watched them carefully, her mind putting two and two together. She looked around the rest of the art, complimenting Louis and asking them both questions. As a thank you for her previous hospitality Louis offered her a tea she gracefully accepted, that Harry offered to make, wanting to see upstairs properly.

When he disappeared behind the counter Louise took the opportunity, “he’s the one isn’t he? That you were trying to figure out?”

”That obvious?” He felt vulnerable, but comfortable speaking to her.

”You look at each other like you’re the world. It’s actually quite incredible.” 

“He looks at me like that?”

”Louis, you’re blind if you can’t see it dear.”

When he looked at Harry he did see the world, he saw the good and the bad, past and present, he saw love and hate and beauty and ugly, he saw fast and slow, the world turning inside his eyes. Maybe he was blind thoug, because he couldn’t see the way Harry looked at him, he wasn’t like him, he didn’t have a personality that forced people to listen, or looks that made people stop and stare. 

“I guess I’m blind.” He laughed, he felt slightly thrilled that, even though it made no sense to him, that Harry looked at him like he looked at Harry. He never wanted to let him go. 

“I see you talked to him though,” 

“Yes, thank you so much for your advice and hospitality, changed the way I see things.”

”I’m not that influential love, but anytime you need a natter you know which wall to sit on.” Her face crinkled joyfully as Louis groaned in embarrassment, Harry’s feet echoing down the stairs. 

He balanced three mugs in his large hands and Louis marvelled at the way they held the cups. 

“Thank you,” 

“Thanks,”

He stood next to Louis, and momentarily leaned against his arm, a gesture he was there. 

“How’s Bruno?”

”Oh he’s doing well, getting on a bit now bless him, gosh that reminds me I better get back to feed him.”

They finished their drinks and Louise ended up buying a small painting and a photo, before rushing off to take care of Bruno. 

“That’s the nineteenth you’ve sold so far,” Louis smiled at Harry, pride radiating from him.

”Nineteen? This is only the second day you’ve been open!”

”Don’t forget the opening,” 

“Oh my god, wow, fuck.”

”I told you so,”

”Come here, thank you, so much.”

”Thank me when you’re a professional photographer hm,”

”How could I ever repay you if I got that far?”

“I’m sure you could think of something,” he lifted his head to place his lips against his jaw. 

“I could think of some things right now.” He moved a hand to the small of Louis’ back, slowly moving lower down. 

“Not here, not again.” 

“Mm ok, let me take you home.”

”Yeah, yes please.” 

 They locked up swiftly, Louis grabbing some supplies on the way out. As they headed for the tube Louis cancelled his hotel, glad to be rid of it.  

 

It didn’t take long to get to Harry’s but it started to rain heavily before they got there. With 5 minutes walk left the storm was in full swing and both were drenched, draining them of energy as they shivered together. Harry had been asking Louis about the painting he had been doing last night, he’d seen a glimpse when making tea, however the more the rain pelted down, the less they talked. The key swam in the lock on the door but eventually Harry managed to open it, instructing Louis to stay put when they got inside. 

He stripped down to his shirt and boxers, leaving his heavy clothes in a watery pile next to Louis. He returned quickly in a towel and one for Louis, 

“Only in Britain eh?”

”Yeah, it was so nice just an hour ago.”

Even their underwear was damp and so they both of changed quickly, kettle put on to boil and rich tea biscuits being gathered rapidly. 

They settled onto the sofa in their hoodies, covered in a blanket and holding mugs to their chests in an attempt to warm up. It took a while but through body heat and layers they stopped shivering so violently, all previous thoughts lost in with the rain. 

Tentatively, Louis leant his head against Harry’s shoulder, nestling into the crook of his neck. “Is this ok?” He spoke softly, barely audible. 

“Of course,” he moved his arm to rest gently around Louis, “you don’t have to be scared of me. I know it’s been a long time, six fucking years. While it does feel like I’ve lost out on six years of your life, I haven’t lost being comfortable around you, I hope you still feel safe around me.” His words were nervous too, he so desperately wanted Louis and he couldn’t lose him again. 

“I do, I just never want to make you uncomfortable. Y’know, you were the first person I thought of when I read that more this morning.” 

“Why?” 

“Because you do make me feel safe, and I didn’t so much right then.” 

“You’re safe now.”

”I know.” 

They stayed like that until mid evening, behind happy to be close to one another. Soon Harry began to get hungry and it wasn’t long before he noticed Louis’ stomach growling too. 

“God anyone would think you haven’t eaten all day.” 

“They’d be right,” Louis cracked a smile but deep down he was annoyed with himself. The stress of the note and throwing himself into work had made him forget lunch. 

“Louis! I know you’re stressed but you have to eat.” 

“I know, I know, I just forgot. God do I want food now though.” 

Harry grimaced and lifted him up, grinning at the squeal when his feet left the ground. 

“What’re you cooking me then babe?” 

“Hmm, well I’m cooking _me_ a stir fry,” 

“Oh, sounds good,”

”It does doesn’t it? I don’t know what you’re going to have though,”

”Piss off, no way to treat your boyfriend,” he punched Harry lightly as they walked to the kitchen.

”Boyfriend hm?”

”Yeah,” Louis looked down at his feet, studying his socks in detail, “I just though, y’know,” 

He was cut off as Harry lifted him effortlessly again, swinging him around with a laugh as Louis screamed, “sounds good.” 

“Harry! Put me down!” His shouts were breathless with laughter and shock as he now dangled from Harry’s shoulder, admiring the moment of his calves. 

He landed with an ‘oomph’ on the kitchen counter as Harry set him down, “alright?” 

“Yeah,” they smiled at each other gleefully, eyes glowing. 

Harry chopped vegetables and fried it all in a large pan whilst Louis watched, they laughed as he cooked and Louis made himself as much of a nuisance as possible and Harry would have had it no other way. 

The meal was amazing and both were grateful for the heat, still chilly after getting up from the warmth of the sofa. The conversation flowed and they chatted about everything and nothing until the gang once again came up. 

“What did the note actually say, have you got it with you?” 

“I left it at home, I think, it said ‘need to see you again, going to have to hand over what you owe’” he shivered as he spoke, not because of the cold. 

“What would you owe them? What about the time and happiness they owe you?” Harry’s eyes were hot as he tried to understand where Niall was coming from. “He’s scum Louis, scum. You owe him nothing.” 

“I know Harry, I know. I can’t do nothing though, he’ll do something really fucking bad.” 

“It might be an empty threat.”

”We both know that isn't true.”

He curled his fist on the table, “I won’t let you walk into a trap, maybe Liam’s right, maybe we should talk to the police.” 

“I don’t know, when I was with them they were really clear about that, they showed us more than once what would happen, and it was easy for them Harry, like the flick of a switch.” 

“Yeah, I’m scared for you, I can’t, I wouldn’t be able to take it if something happened to you.” 

“Nothings going to happen, I promise, to you either, I won’t let them.” 

“They’re stronger than us though, Lou, I, I don’t understand how, and regardless of care if anything were to happen to you anyway but, I don’t think I would survive losing you a second time.” 

“I understand, I think if you ever leave again, it would kill me.” 

“Hey, I never left remember? I’m not going anywhere anytime soon either I promise.” 

Louis could see in his face he meant it, hear it in his voice. 

“You’re not getting rid of me anytime soon either,” he movedto cover Harry’s hand with his own. “Can we go to sleep?” 

Harry stood, Louis following and as they walked through the door Harry grabbed Louis, picking him up again. 

“Harry!” He gasped as he was tossed in th air, limbs flailing.

”Just can’t keep my hands off of you eh,” he caught Louis and carried him bridal style to the bed, laying him down gently. 

Loudly laughing he shouted after Harry as he left to go to the bathroom. The London flat wasn’t big enough for them to be swinging each other around but Harry seemed to make it work, he always did. 

“You’re lucky I love you,” 

Harry didn’t reply, the sound of an electric toothbrush buzzing echoing towards Louis as he sighed on the bed. 

He was already in clothes he planned to sleep in and so grabbed his toiletries from his bag and headed towards the bathroom too. 

Harry was turning off the toothbrush as Louis walked in, he waited for him to put his stuff in the places Harry pointed to and then took hold of his arm and pulled him closer, “I love you today, too. Be quick.” 

In reply Louis mourned an “always,” and nodded, hastily brushing his own teeth with a significantly less fancy manual toothbrush. Splashing his face with lukewarm water he patted it down before returning to the bedroom and collapsing onto the bed. 

“Thank you for making me feel so at home and welcome,” 

“You’re always welcome here, with me. If you want or need it to be home it always will be.” 

“You’re too good to me.” 

“You’re too good for me.” 

“Shut up, never put yourself down like that, you’re a million and one times over the person I am, or anyone else,” 

“Please, have you met yourself? You’re surreal.”

”Harry seriously, I can’t believe you can’t see this, you’re so wonderful, you have to know.” 

He turned properly to face him as they lay together, resting his head on his chest. He felt his heatbeaf speed up as he spoke slowly, 

“I just feel as if I’ve let you down so much,” 

“No. If anyone has let anyone down it’s me, I let the gang get this far. I should have done something when I was younger. Are you forgetting you got seriously attacked? Fuck Harry you could have been killed.”

“You were a child Louis, don’t blame yourself for any of this. I wasn’t though, let’s be thankful for that yeah?”

“Everyday I am.” He yawned softly, the scruff around his mouth moving slightly.

Harry moved his hand to clasp around Louis’ wrist, rubbing his fingers gently over his pulse. They fell asleep like that, holding each other close, unwilling to let go.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you’ve read this far, I love you :)

When Louis woke up he was warm, Harry’s leg slung heavily over his own and chest rising and falling deeply against his back. 

If this was Earth he wondered what Heaven was like. 

He shuffled closer to the man behind him, smitten when Harry’s arms curled tighter around him. “Good morning,” he spoke slower than ever, having just woken meant his voice was gruff, vibrating down Louis' spine.

"I like your morning voice," he spoke slightly softer than Harry. 

“I like you,” 

“Oh shh, don’t you have places to be?”

”You wish, I get Fridays off now,”

”How did you get granted that?”

”My charming personality and hard work,”

”In an alternative universe,” 

“I take offence,” Harry feigned hurt.

”Too much talk for the morning, hug me.” Louis almost whined, he knew it got to Harry, who smiled into the kiss he placed against Louis’ neck. 

They spent more time than either would like to admit in bed that morning, finally getting up only to sit down for a lazy brunch in front of the tv. 

“Good?”

”Mhm, had no idea you were such a chef now.” 

“I’ve always been good at cooking!”

”Do I need to remind you of the time you tried to make a fruit cake?” 

“No.”

Louis stifled a laugh at Harry’s face as he replied solemnly, and spoke again, 

“Is Liam looking after the shop today?” 

“Yeah, and we’re trialing a new person to man it full time so I can start painting and working again and Li can properly do his business stuff.” 

“Ah I see, pretty cool. I was wondering why you weren’t freaking out about getting there.” 

“Yeah, I was gonna do some work in the afternoon but I don’t know now, I’m tired and would much rather make use of your day off.” He put his plate down on the coffee table and moved closer to Harry, lifting his head so his lips were almost touching his jaw, “got any plans?” 

“You.” Harry breathed out slowly, turning to grab Louis face and kiss him, soft at first it soon heated into a harder, more passionate movement between the two. Louis shifted so he was sitting in Harry’s lap, broad hands warm on his back. He took opportunity to rest his own in Harry’s hair, curls perfect to twist lightly between his fingers. Drawing back for breath Harry was stunned into silence.

Louis’ cheeks were flushed pink and the blue in his eyes glowed brightly and his hair fell onto his face at just the right angle.

”What?” 

“You’re gorgeous.”

A smile flickered across his slightly swollen lips, “not too bad yourself.” 

Before lunch they had explored every part of each other, rediscovering how they fit together and the way they moved. It left them pleasantly exhausted, hearts thumping and muscles aching.

”Do you want to go out for lunch? I don’t think there’s much in the fridge.” 

“Sounds good, I’ll get you a shop, as a thank you.” 

“Don’t be silly, you don’t have to do that.” 

“Harry please, it’s the least I can do.” 

“Honestly, it isn’t a problem.”

”I know it isn’t, but I want to.”

”You’re hard to say no to you know that?”

”Mhm,” a grin lit up his face as he bounced off the bed they had found their way to. “I’m going to the toilet, then I’m going to change and we can go yeah?” 

Harry nodded, admiring the contours and movement of his post-sex body. There would be bruises tomorrow. 

“Stop staring at me, do something productive,” and he skipped away, leaving Harry dumbfounded with love for him. It took a moment for him to lift his heavy limbs but he managed, carefully pulling on clean clothes. 

When Louis returned he did the same, pretending not to notice Harry’s lingering eyes. Just before they left the apartment, Louis stopped Harry.

”H?”

”Yeah,”

”I, can we have this day? Today to just live our lives and pretend none of this gang stuff exists, please?”

”If that’s what you want.”

Louis nodded, hugging Harry gently to show his gratitude. 

They walked down the street together, hands brushing closely until Louis clasped his fingers around Harry’s. Silently, they carried on, falling into sync step by step. They returned to the same place they had eaten a couple of days ago, settling into the same seats by the window. Watching the world go past they talked about what they had been doing the last six years, finally beginning to catch up on each other’s lives. 

They were filling in holes until early evening, having decided to carry on the conversation whilst walking around London. It was peaceful to be moving through the rush of people with no responsibility yourself, and Louis loved it.

On their way back to Harry’s, Louis got a call from Liam.

”Hiya mate,”

”Hi, I just went round to yours to drop off some papers but you weren’t there? You alright?”

”Yeah, yeah actually Li I’m with Harry right now.”

”Get you eh, is there another time I should drop them round?”

”Shut up, I’m actually staying with him for a bit.” He lowered his voice as he carried on, “I got a bit of a threatening note from Niall, it was on my kitchen table so they must have got into my apartment and I didn’t really feel safe.” 

“What the fuck Louis?” 

“I’m fine, no ones touched me, life goes on.” 

“No, oh my god. Louis I'm serious you have to go to the police this is too far.” 

“I’ve seen firsthand what they do to people who go to the police. It’s so simple for them. I’m not risking that, it’s not just me anymore it’s your safety too.” 

“Louis, I don’t know man, I really think. Shit, how long are you going to be with Harry? You’re always welcome here you know that,”

”I don’t know yet, I can’t for long as it isn’t fair on him,” he smiled at the expressions Harry was making beside him, gesturing he could stay for as long as he liked. “Thanks mate, I know, I just don’t wanna inflict that on your flat mates.” 

“Ah they’d get over it, but whenever or whatever you need ok?” 

“Thank you Liam, from the bottom of my heart.”

”Yeah don’t get too sappy on me, be safe, I swear Louis be safe.” 

“I will, I will.” It was a promise between them and it hurt to say, because Louis couldn’t guarantee it, and Liam knew. “How did the trial person go? Alice was it?”

”Oh yeah, she was great actually, really good with people and quite organised.” 

“Sounds like a keeper?”

”I think so, shall I send her an email?” 

“Go for it, I’m so glad,”

Liam chuckled, “agreed, we can both get back to doing what we do best.”

”Definitely,”

”I have to go mate, see you over the weekend at some point?”

”Love to, bye Li,”

The line went dead as they reached Harry’s street,

“Was that Liam?”

”Yeah, he’s worried about me, makes me worry about him.”

”Don’t, we’re all doing to be fine ok?”

“Yeah I know.”

”In the mood for a takeaway?”

”Yes please,”

“Pizza ok?”

”Mhm,”

Harry didn’t have to ask to know what Louis would want and the orders were placed as they walked into the apartment. They slung their jackets onto the pegs in the hallway and Harry led the way into the kitchen, flipping the switch on the kettle.

He raised his eyebrows at Louis who nodded, smiling as Harry reached for two mugs in the cupboard above. Tossing a teabag in each, he crossed the room to grab milk, pinching Louis’ hip on the way. 

“Hey!”

”Hello to you too,”

”Oh shut up,” 

“I thought you liked my voice,”

”Too much for my own good.”

He caught Harry as he returned to the kettle, kissing him gently on the mouth. 

“So, I’m still interested as to why you and that guy didn’t work out.”

”More so glad at his misfortune of losing moi,”

”Not at all, he’s probably better off,”

Louis gasped, face contorting as he tried to keep from smiling at Harry’s joking words,

”and you’ve lost by getting with me then?”

”I’ve lost the ability to look and the sky and not think of your eyes, lost the urge to fuck around with strangers whose names I never catch, also lost quite a lot of time seeing as I want to spend it with you.”

”You’re going to make me cry.”

”Sh,” 

Louis walked over to Harry, wrapping his arms around his waist and leaning his head against his back. 

“Y’know, I can’t believe how I feel now you’re back in my life.”

”How?” Harry almost hummed as he poured steaming water into the mugs, stirring gently as he listened to Louis. 

“It’s like, I was doing really well, and I was happy and I was proud and I was looking forward to my future, obviously when I first saw you I wanted to punch the wall,” he laughed slightly sadly, “but, once we sorted things out, started to spend time together and well, got together - all of those emotions are crystal clear and magnified a hundred times. Like, I’m still happy and proud and looking forward to the future, but I really feel it now, I see it for what it is and appreciate it so much more.” 

“That was the most intense thing I’ve heard you say in a long time,”

”six years?”

”something like that,” he spooned the teabags into the nearby bin and turned slowly, handing Louis his cup. 

“Thank you, us artists are a little expressive you know,”

”I do, seriously though, I understand what you’re saying. When I say I love you Lou,” his voice wavered slightly with the vulnerability, “I mean it. I really mean it.” 

“I know, and I mean it too.” He paused to breath, “I’m glad it didn’t work out with that guy.” 

“Cos he wasn’t you.” 

“I’m sure he was lovely.”

”Was probably a dick, they normally were. He was probably also quite small, had brown hair that was a little wavy and blue eyes if he was lucky.” 

“You slept around?”

”Yeah, I think it was a coping thing. Messed up I know, never thought they were all knock off yous until now.” 

“No, I did it too, slept around. Complete strangers, haven’t been able to hold a proper relationship since you.”

”Neither.”

”Quite the pair of fuck ups eh?”

”Quite.”

They stared at each other for a long minute, reading each other’s eyes. 

“I love you today,”

”I love you always.”

The odd statements of love had been passed between them almsot since the beginning and whilst seeming cliche meant a lot to both of them, a unique meaning they shared. It had started sometime during the last months of their college lives, when they had started to explore how they really felt about each other. They had spent a night under the stars as the weather got warmer, Harry had taken photos of Louis, illuminated by the small fire they had, and Louis had sketched different parts of Harry, intertwined with the forms of the night and the sparks. 

They had talked endlessly about their ideas of life and death and had ended up discussing the length of it. It was an existentially driven conversation and one many of their age has, it inspired Harry’s thoughts on the importance and individuality of each day, and how fast things could change.  This is turn had driven him to promise Louis that he loved him then, in that moment on that day, and Louis had promised him it didn’t matter, as he would love him always.

Harry was counting his lucky stars as he studied the waves of blue in Louis’ eyes, they reflected the sky and the ocean and he was lost in their circle. 

Louis was mesmerised by the way Harry's emerald eyes shone, the green a bright contrast to his dark hair. 

The doorbell pulled them from the trance of each other and Harry dashed to grab the pizza, rapidly passing over cash before haphazardly balancing the two boxes on his arms and shuffling into the sitting room. 

“Smells good,” 

“Bet it tastes good too,” 

“Mhm.”

“What do you want to watch?” Harry asked, dropping backwards onto the sofa, sinking into the cushions and passing Louis his box. 

“You.” His lips lifted into a smirk, 

“Oh let up,” 

“I learnt from the best,”

”Do keep the compliments coming,”

”Coming all night long babe,”

”Louis,” Harry was so close to moaning his name, the thoughts inspired by Louis’ innuendos too much for his mind. 

”I’m trying to eat here,” the cockiness laced his voice heavily and he turned knowingly away from Harry.

“I hate you,”

”Love you too, now put something  on.”

Harry flicked onto a RomCom, ignoring the weak protests beside him, turning up the volume and letting it play. 

At a point neither could place, the pizza boxes ended up on the floor, and Louis on top of Harry - the romcom playing in the background as they lazily made out. There was no rush, both enjoying admiring and touching the others face. 

“You’re so pretty,”

”You think?”

”I know.” 

Louis curled his hands in Harry’s curls as a thank you, murmering into his ear softly. 

It was good and they were happy and for the first time, Louis and Harry felt as if this was right, as if it could work and that they would be ok. Maybe this life had plans for them. 

Time was moving slowly and the minutes ticked by as they lost themselves in each other. 

“I want to paint you,”

It took Harry a moment to process what Louis had said because as soon as he spoke he was moving, bounding from Harry’s lap towards the bedroom where his bag was. 

Slightly wobbly on his legs, Harry followed. 

“Wait a minute,” he chuckled lightly as he watched Louis fumble through the mess of his things to find the few art supplies he had brought. 

“I want to paint you Harry.” 

“I hear you, why though?”

Louis stopped to whip his head around but instead of answering he stared, stared at Harry with a gaze so strong he felt the need to step back, and a smile so caring he felt the need to hug him. The smile brightened as Louis’ fingers grasped brushes and paint, pulling out tubes of colour from the dark of his duffel. Reaching down again he grabbed a pad of watercolour paper and jumped up. 

”C’mere,” he dropped onto the bed, letting brushes tumble over the bedside table next to him. A ‘pop’ burst the silence as he opened one of the paints.

”Woah, not on my bed,” 

“Sh, I’ll be careful,”

”Louis,” Harry’s voice was wary but who was he to deny the boy in front of him the joy he got from the art he created. He was every much as willing to do whatever Louis wanted as the dainty brush balanced in between his fingers was. He sighed and turned, smiling when Louis voice followed him.

”Wait, where are you going? Harry?”

”I’m just putting music on, we’re gonna be here a while I’m guessing?” 

“Thank you,” 

He could feel Louis’ eyes burning into his back as he set up the needle of the old scratchy record player sat atop the drawers. 

“Foals ok?”

”Mhm,”

He set the needle down gently and the pull of it along the vinyl filled the room around them. He breathed it in and sat back on the bed, sheets crinkling around him. 

Louis delicately dipped a brush into a glass of water left from the night before, grinning at Harry’s grimace. 

“If my cup gets ruined, you’re paying for a new one.”

”Ssh.” Louis’ hand began to move quickly across the page, mumbling at Harry to be still every so often as a figure formed in front of him. 

The evening light cast a glow across the side of Harry’s face, it was warm and gentle and his skin shone under it. Using his own messy style mixed with elements reminiscent of the Fauves but watered down and smoothed out, Louis created a stunning piece. 

It sung everything Harry sounded of and danced with the way he moved, it reflected his thoughts and told the story of his beauty. Louis worked for hours, letting Harry leave to get drinks and a snack after he had the base. 

He was so submerged in what he was doing he didn’t notice the record being switched or Harry watching him. He focused purely on the colours and the shapes and the way he moved his brush. 

Harry was completely captivated with Louis. Utterly mesmerised by his dedication and the face he pulled when concentrating. Every time a new colour hit the page, Harry fell more in love with Louis. Fell more in love with the way he absentmindedly tugged on his lip and looked between him and the painting to check scale. 

Only when the light faded almost completely outside and both men were squinting to see clearly did Louis stop. Harry was struggling to stay awake, his yawns loosely coinciding with the music playing in the background.

He put the paper to the side, propping it up against the bedside table on the floor. 

“It’s amazing Lou,” 

“Your face is amazing,”

”You’re amazing.”

”You’re such a sap, I’m sorry for keeping you awake, you should’ve made me stop.”

”And disturb the grizzly bear himself?” 

“I’m not that bad,”

”Hm you don’t realise how focused you get. C’mon, let’s sleep.”

”I kept the bed clean,”

”I’m so proud, and glad you get to  stay,”

”You wouldn’t have chucked me out,”

”Would have,”

“You, couldn't bear to see me go.”

”I’m going to sleep before I admit to anything I’ll regret.”

Louis pulled at the duvet they had furrowed underneath, nestling close to Harry and wrapping it around him.

”I love you really, today.”

”I know, I love you too, always.”

Harry craned his neck slightly to press a kiss to Louis’ head, shifting then to throw an arm around him. Held to each other, it didn’t take long for them to drop into sleep, the surrounding world slowing down and resting too. 


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 20th chapter? Damn, if you’re this far in,thank you so much for sticking with me :)
> 
> (!!!! I accidentally posted this instead of just saving so its not finished yet, sorry! I’ll get round to finishing it ASAP I promise !!!!)

The Saturday morning woke them up slowly, it’s gentle light and softly singing birds a welcome into the world again. Louis was suprised he could even hear birds properly in London as they were but life seemed to find new ways to surprise him each day. 

He could tell Harry was still asleep from the way his chest rose and fell, he had woken facing into Harry’s chest, arms resting over his ribs and legs tangled together. He felt loved. As a kid he couldn’t pretend he hadn’t dreamed of waking up like this one day, next to the person he would love. 

A wave of gratitude washed over him as he nestled against Harry’s chest further, the smell of him comforting. In his sleep Harry held him closer, pulling Louis into him with his heavy arm. 

Louis couldn’t deny the little sigh of joy that escaped him, he was truly smitten. Something tugged at the back of his mind though, the feeling that outside of his bubble here was an imminent threat.

Yesterday had been so lovely, they hadn’t really done much but spend time with each other and that was all either wanted. Nevertheless, they hadn’t spoken about the gang, or Louis’ living situation - apart from briefly when Liam had called. Thinking of Liam prompted him to check his phone. Begrudgingly he wiggled out of Harry’s grip, watching the bigger man clutch at the sheets he left behind.  

Sitting up, his back cracked uncomfortably and his eyes squinted at the phone screen that was too bright, a reminder that not everything was perfect. 

His eyes read that it was 9:54 in the morning and he groaned softly, _we’ve overslept._ Then again, it was the weekend and they didn’t have anything they needed to be up for, nothing he knew of anyway. A text from Liam saved him though, from the beginning of backache due to aimlessly scrolling through social media. 

[ _Up for a pint later? Need to talk about the shop and catch up :)_ ] 

Louis didn’t know a lot, he did know he loved Liam. The guy kept him afloat.

[ _Definitely_ _, see you about 3? :)_ ] 

[ _Looking forward to it :)_ ] 

He put the phone back down on the table with a clunk, dropping his head to his chest to stretch his spine.

A sigh caused him to turn, smiling as he saw Harry beginning to wake too. 

“Morning gorgeous,” he was acutely aware he was acting as if there was no threat on the doorstep, but he couldn’t bring himself to face that reality. The version where he was with Harry, in their own little world, was much nicer an option. 

“Morning,” Harry replied wearily, eyes heavy and mind not fully engaged as he pulled Louis down beside him. “Had a dream.”

”Oh yeah?”

”It was horrible,” he murmured as he hugged Louis gently, treasuring the closeness.

”What happened?”

”You went to meet Niall and he just beat you up, there was a group of people watching and cheering him on and I couldn’t stop them. It was awful, you were screaming and I was trying to get to you but I couldn’t,” 

Louis buried his head in Harry’s chest again and let him stroke his hair. Guilt picked at the back of his mind, this was his fault. He brought all this worry and fear and pain right to Harry’s home.

“I’m so sorry. Harry I’m so, so sorry.”

”It was just a bad dream,”

”I know but, it’s my fault. I brought all this shit to you. I came to your fucking house and now I’m,”  it hit him violently that he had been living in a dream world since seeing Niall. He had been threatened by a gang member capable of cold blooded murder and he had spent the time since then opening his art gallery and playing boyfriends with Harry. 

“What? Is that what you think?”

Harry had sat up, away from Louis. It took a moment to realise he had been thinking outloud.

“No, no Harry. No you know you’re more than that to me, I just feel as if I’ve trivialised the whole situation and,”

He was cut off by a harsh tone and harsher words, “seriously Louis. I’m putting you up in my home, and all my effort into our, what I thought was serious and mutual relationship, but to you it’s just a game? You’re just ‘playing boyfriends’?” 

“No. Harry that was completely the wrong wording, I don’t know how to explain it. I’m putting you in danger by being here and I don’t want to neglect the fact that I am putting you at risk.”

”Louis I don’t care if I’m at risk. I care about you, do you care about me?”

”Yes, more than anything, you know that.”

”Do I?” 

“Yes.”

Slender fingers rubbed at Harry’s temple, he sighed as he spoke, “Louis, I know you’re scared, I am too. I’m sure Liam is, this is all new for him. You need to remember that I’ve been here before, quite fucking literally. I know exactly what it’s like so stop shutting me out, stop pretending everythjng is fine. I know I’ve been pretending just as much but seriously, we have to do something. I’m not letting you stay here if you’re just playing, because I can’t put myself through seeing you walk away again,” he held up a finger to quiet Lous when he tried to interrupt. “Believe it or not, I love you, I’ve loved you since college, I loved you that summer, I loved you after, I love you now and I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving you. So choose, right now. Choose us, stay with me and we can work this out - we have to work it out though. Or choose to go, I’ll pack your stuff for you and you can leave, if that’s your choice then once you walk out the front door I never want to see your face again.” 

Louis was speechless for a minute, his breath catching in his throat and mouth dry. 

His eyes tracked Harry as he stood up and walked out of the room, Louis hearing the kettle boil in the kitchen as he slowed his breathing. 

_People fight, we’re fine. You won’t lose him._  

When he could think calmly he followed Harry, stepping through the door and stating one word.

“You.” 

Harry turned to face Louis, their eyes meeting and communicating silently. Without speaking Louis moved across the room to hug Harry, at first the man was stiff but he soon returned the embrace with strength. 

“I hate you,” he murmured into Louis’ neck. 

“Love you too.”

”Today.”

”Always.”

They didn’t speak much after that, instead moving around each other to get dressed and make a half breakfast. 

Once sat opposite with toast between them Harry began the conversation.

“I’m sorry for snapping and overreacting. I’m just terrified of losing you, and I know that isn’t an excuse but, it’s just an explanation. Sorry.”

“It’s ok, honestly, you were well within your right, I was out of order. I’m sorry.”

”Lets forget it yeah? Are you still paying for your flat?”

“Mhm, I have a years contract and I’m only a couple months in.”

”Cancellable?”

”I think, with a fee.”

”Ok. Do you want to go back?”

”Ish, I don’t feel safe there at the moment but I do love the place.” 

“I understand, what are we going to do about Niall?”

”Harry,”

”We’re doing something. You certainly aren’t doing anything alone and if you don’t want to do anything I’ll just go to the police, seriously. Liam will come with me.”

”Calm down, we’ll do something ok. I just don’t know what.”

”The police need to be a serious option.”

”Yeah, I just don’t want to provoke him.”

”I know, any other ideas though?”

”One.”

”Go on,”

”So I was thinking, I agree to meet - but in a public place, get there really early so I can’t be tracked and leave ages after so I can’t be tracked.”

”Firstly, we. Secondly, doesn’t sound god awful.”

“Harry I really can’t drag you there. I won’t.”

”Shut the fuck up. I’m not being funny Louis but this isn’t a movie you won’t turn up and have a showdown and fight them all off alone and then we live happily ever after. Reality doesn’t work like that and they’ll shoot you straight. You know that as well as me. So I’m going with you or you aren’t going.” 

“Ok.” Harry’s bluntness had shocked Louis but he was secretly glad for the support, even if the idea of Harry getting hurt or be scared made him feel sick. 

 


End file.
